If you love this post you'll hate the next one since it includes a huge awful paper that I wrote for Biopsych.
Once more unto the breach!!
****************************************
Now I said I would expand on my discriminating groups, and so I shall after clarifying something. These are not groups of people, they are types of people not to be confused with cliques or cohorts. Stamps, and indeed any of these other groups can be of either sex, do any job and intelligence is not the prime factor. Direction and Intensity are the primary distinguishers.
Some of you may even be wondering if I think you a stamp. If you even questioned yourself then you most likely are. Heigh ho, here we go.
Blips. I am sure you have met a few of these types. Typically male, these are people that I would also consider ‘failed atheists.’ To put it bluntly, they can’t handle the truth. Rather than embrace the freedom that comes with being Godless they just feel lonely, morose, depressed and worst of all the share their despair with everyone.
The name comes from the idea that we are just a miniscule lump of protein stranded on a slime covered sphere of rock a few billion light years from anything important. If the universe is so damned big, I must be so damned small. Well fuck that.
Consider this comparison. There are about 30,000 people at state in some form of attendance. That is more people than you could get to know even if the same group stayed all 4 years together. Hell the 7,000 or so of the freshman class I started from are whittled to only about 5,000 (though that’s hearsay so don’t call me on it.)
You might think, if you had never met a human, that more people means more friends for everyone right? Hell no. It means even people that were once great in their groups in high school are confronted with the statistical inevitability of mediocrity. People are lonely as hell all the time at state, even though there are people everywhere.
Without delving into the who’s and how’s, this is just a bunch of sad bastards with no reason to get out of bed, so they probably shouldn’t. Behavior ranges from near ascetic apathy to desperate hedonism.
Monos (I now call them Eps) are the next bunch and are easily identified, labeled and avoided by the following paragraph.
Any person that defines their entire existence based around one principle or small cluster of principles, usually religious or moral, is an Ep. Eps just can’t see the world without a comforting blanket of experience to lay their learning upon.
Hailey is a good example with her religious beliefs confining her thinking to that universe. But so is pretty much anyone with ‘expert’ knowledge. I hate to say it, but Mom is a psychologist and you couldn’t pry it out of her personality with a pitchfork. She could be dissuaded into becoming solely a horse person later I think.
Consider what an expert is. They know shit that other people cannot even dream about. I would love to be inside the brains of the best market analysts, political leaders and advisors. With that kind of range you’d know exactly what the world is really like right?
Wrong. Someone who studies biology becomes accustomed to it. Their brain, and brain plasticity is pretty damn well supported) devotes itself to cell structures and functions. Ask them to solve a people problem and they will probably resort to some physiological problem. A psychologist immediately considers the individual’s mind. The communication major goes to lunch and then the play ground.
People that can’t be separated from their occupations (think military mentality) are Eps. And they can either be fascinating or just suck the life out of you.
The name, which I am sure you’re curious about, comes from the Epstein-barr disease which causes mono nucleosis and burkitt’s lymphoma.
There is another group I feel the need to comment on after this morning’s bus ride. This guy, this fucking dude would not leave his girlfriend alone for 5 seconds. It was bad enough that he had his arm all up in her shit but he kept kissing her when she was trying to talk. In Colorado at the Imax theatre there was a similar guy who, despite glaring body language opposed to it, would just not stop fucking with this girl. I wanted to punch him. He was and Arg.
Arg’s are a bunch that piss me off more effectively than anything except for Wade in his heyday. There are countless examples, here are some of my favorites.
Weak game does not fly with me. If you’re going to go for a girl you don’t know then you better have your balls slung over your shoulder. Half-assing this sort of…well flirtation doesn’t cover it, if you’re trying to fuck a bitch you gotta go all out.
The stinky dude in the purple dodge stratus…and perfect target! Olfactory repugnance aside, this dude bites nuts. First, while I was dating Bunn one time he said ‘yes maam.’ She thought he was so nice and polite, but having known to many Shane’s and Lane’s I knew better. A few weeks later I was working alone, and he called for an escort. It was within 30 minutes of the shift end and man I just didn’t feel like talking. It was good I wasn’t in the mood, because the fuck head was on his cell phone the whole time. That alone pissed me off. If you could hear the conversation though…here’s the part that caught my ear.
He’s talking to some girl, who is loud and I can almost hear her. So he breaks this out…
Dude: I didn’t know you wanted me to be there. I went with someone else.
Girl: (something angry sounding)
Dude: What, you know you ain’t the only girl in my lil black book…you know…you know what I’m saying don’t you.
Holy crap if there was ever a time not to hesitate that kind of bold statement is IT! Be nice or fucking let her have it, there is no wiggle room for pussies.
Speaking of pussies, no I’m not going to get Chinese, let me just comment on English majors/art students/musicians. These fucks, more often then not, are irritating as hell. Not to personally talk to, but having to hear shit they say to girls and others among themselves is torture.
I cannot relate the plethora of inane shit and over use of big words that I have been subjected to in Tompkins. These fuck heads are the same kind of guys that write open form poetry and think they’re original, or they play a bunch of dave matthews songs and never learn anything original.
Sadly, the artsy guy can and does get the girl. There was an episode of 6 feet under where Claire was talking to a guy about art school. He said something like ‘I hate having to learn about all these other guys and ‘technical’ stuff, I just wanna write great music.’
No kidding.
Well there is certainly a lot of dreaming and not much talent going around inside these programs. Exceptions exist and I applaud everyone that spends time on their writing or art or music and wants to learn rather than just wants to be famous. If you think about it, popularity is all people want. Other people’s approval is super critical unless you’re a drugged out freak or even more cynical than I am.
Now I applaud Steinbeck’s East of Eden as one of the best books I have ever read. He also has one of my favorite quotes which I could not find but can improvise.
“When you wish for a thing, focus solely on the means to get it.” Ick, its much nicer in his words, but the spirit is the same. Write more, read more music, practice painting or whatever you do.
You don’t really think this here web log is anything but a selfish exercise to practice writing and splat out my opinions in the hopes of increasing my rough draft conveyance of ideas onto paper do you?
I hope not.
posted by Seth # 11:43 AM
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Searching for subtlety...
So everyone else has a stupid live/dead journal or some kind of weblog... but they all suck, and mine will be a grandiose departure from the norm. I think, so you don't have to. Email me if you feel the urge to comment or something. (seth.keipper@gmail.com)
11.25.2003
Man I hate reading other people's blogs and hearing their descriptions of life and art and all that fun stuff.
I hate it because they usually have nothing positive to say and the negatives get so old and tiresome before long. Worse, I hate to read what other writers say about writing and their own methodology. Odds are anyone who compares their own writing as some sort of story with a hint of this influenced by a smear of that is not trying hard enough to be original. I have a whole page of short story ideas that, to my knowledge, have no precedent in western literature.
And I am 21.
Granted, its good to see where your ideas are coming from, but drawing to heavily from one source is not making something new, its called making a remix. Copy even more and its just a cover. I predict one day all music will consist of covers and remixes. The one hope is that music will occupy such an amount of data that you could spend your whole life listening to it and never find out you're just listening to the same ol' crap in a new package.
But I think to that idea that there are no original thoughts, only slight extrapolations based in reality. That's kind of an intimidating prospect when you drag it out to a conclusion. If everything comes from something previous...then all life and culture must hearken back to a single ideal or urge. You could argue for God, and many do using JUST that reasoning, but I stick to the realm of the natural.
What could it be? What do the get up kids share in common with the most primitive lifeforms to ever come into existence? This may be a philisophical disappointment, but its 'irritation.'
Even the simplest bacteria and microbes can respond to unpleasant stimuli by moving away and pleasent stimuli by moving towards it. Plants are different since they just gobble whatever bumps into them, but for animals I think this may hold some practical truth. Almost an entire billion years of life spanning the history of Earth and the same is true today as it was in 1,000,000,000 BC. Irritation = motivation.
Later, multicellular life formed circa 270,000,000 years BC. Then we get to add another factor, coordination! After all, one cell is fine for little things, but many of them can work together and do much better. This holds true in the present also, after all, one human is many billions and trillions of cells all working in crazy harmony. If every cell had to worry about feeding itself we couldn't have higher order life.
Such must be the future of mankind. If individual cells break down then we start to have issues with the group organism. But why would individual cells break down and start acting of their own accord rather than for the group benefit. Because OTHER cells do it. That's what society boils down to. Everyone's working together sure, but we're working for ourselves for the most part. That's division of labor though, everything does one function well and if all functions are addressed we ALL benefit.
If dumbass cells can do it, why not people? Oh you could say we do it because we're smart, but that also equates intelligence with greed. A little intelligence can let you see 'hey I can get more if the rest get less" but apply it further and you see "If I get more, someone else suffers."
Such is the way of all things. Slavery makes work cheap and allows stuff like pyramids and mausoleams to get built. It also wrecks and shortens the lives of those doing the work. Machinery is better because it doesn't promote suffering of the machine, but those that own them grow rich while those using them don't do so well. Think of a water-wheel powered saw mill back in the early days of the country. The guy that owned it got fat on money people would pay to saw boards. Sure it allowed them to get work done they could not have without it, but the owner got rich.
Hollywood forgets that bullets and people don't always hit something to stop them. They don't always go away, the just go somewhere else and not always in a good way. Every time an American gets something good, someone else, somewhere else gets fucked for it. Its not a happy situation, but is there a solution?
Some might suggest no, but I know a thing or two that may prove useful. I can't really write them down yet, but as I work on the story that I am doing it'll turn out better. I promise I will update this at some point.
posted by Seth # 9:38 PM
11.20.2003
Ever notice that when someone does something shitty and you have no respect for them it doesn't anger you...it offends you. It's not rage but contempt that bubbles up and leaks out in harsh words and harsher fantasies. It's dismissal if you really don't care. I suppose contempt only comes from people we wish we were detached from. Only the most persistent nagging emotions really drag that one out. But if you love someone and they fuck you, gently or harshly, it hurts the most.
If you're a stranger reading this, for whatever reason, and pass judgement it is meaningless. Now we can shrug off someone who doesn't know shit calling you crap, that's nothing. But how many people really and truly can shake off affection when they know its false or undeserved? Sometimes it doesn't matter, sometimes just a stranger not being a fuckhead can make your day, but that doesn't make them anything else. A kind word doesn't erase the real shit that people carry around inside their heads.
Emotion, techically its a damned good evolutionary idea. People with damaged fear and emotional response to fear centers have terrible judgement. Consequence gives us something concrete to base our judgements on. Intellectually anyone knows its a bad thing if say a cheetah eats your hand. Now telling someone that they don't want to get their hand bitten off and actually feeling the pain of teeth sinking into your flesh is not the same thing. Pain is an inevitable consequence of life on earth (assuming your substance P levels are all intact). Its just another reinforcer to push us in the right direction to continuously eat, sleep and fuck our species into the future.
But we're losing something in the process. Life gets more technical and less personal everyday for every american. Having emotions, feelings, vulnerabilities doesn't register well to any company or tax form. Bureacracy depends on you being a robot for at least part of your life. Some people are better than others at doing this. It disgusts me to fill out paper work, to be stamped down by a number and identified by a fucking card in my wallet. This planet is in serious danger of becoming a fucking disgrace.
And why? So guys can try to convince themselves and others that they are badass and so bitches can have more than their bitchy friends. That's human history in a sentence, psychotic vanity at the expense of the weak and poor. Michael Jackson spent a few million dollars on a shopping trip, they showed it on the TV. He got some antiques and ain't taht grand. Eight million dollars...that could support me for the rest of my life, and that's including getting a family started and doing nothing but write myself into oblivion.
It's tempting to say how much food or shelter or medicine that much money could buy for poor people. But it's also fucking stupid to think people will be satisfied at that. They won't, it just doesn't happen for most people. Everyone thinks 'if i just has this then i'd be happy, oh but if i had that i could almost have this other thing and THEN i would REALLY be happy.'
My half friend thomas personified this and he was probably the saddest person in the whole fucking world. No sympathy though, he didn't listen and he didn't try or stick with his friends when he needed to. He had a nice car, tons of shit and lots of fun things to play with. He liked making other people happy by having parties and kickin' around with the council. There were times i had hope that he'd turn out ok. He didn't.
Hard to blame him though, after all, his parents kind of fucked up his expectations. Logically enough you could extrapolate that to mean everyone's stuck to their past and it determines...everything. I used to do the same thing. Mom told me when i was a kid, like an infant you see, that I cried a lot. Mom would try and hold and comfort me and all that fun mom shit but it really didn't always work. So she'd stuff a bottle in my face and that always shut me the hell up. Hey presto, 21 years later a perfectly plausible explanation for why i've been a chubby fellow most of life.
20 years...its not fair to blame though. She's only human and probably needed the sleep. But at what an expense, a challenge that i have constantly warred against and failed for all but maybe 3 years. 1/7th of my life i was pretty fit, but at the expense of both my social life and my intellectual development. Even now as i sip on my sundrop and try to ease the massive caffiene headache that's strung me out and fucked with my head the last 11 days is a symptom of that losing battle. Its a sad thought when you realize you have a problem, and making a resolve to do something about it makes you feel better, but if you fail enough you begin to plan for it. And that's despair.
There doesn't seem any sort of way out either. I can't do it alone without shirking most of my other responsibilities and even then i wasn't much of a happy guy. I look back on highschool and pick out the part when I was confident and strong and cocky as hell. It wasn't being fit that did it, it was not being fucked with and having good friends around that made the council and hanging out with Flojo so good. Now those times seem so alien and far gone.
Everything seems distant, people that I have known for years seem like perfect strangers. Strangers all seem like characters from major league 3. They are all pretty stock except there is one quirk or identifier that sets them apart. What a fucking world, yeah?
Probably the worst part of despair is when you're just about to recover and think to yourself 'look at this shithole planet, look at these losers that think they matter, what a bunch of clowns.' At least there is one little bastion of sanity tucked away behind my eyes and between my ears. That little chuck of gray is just fine. Consider it, wouldn't that be a nice thought...but its not. If that were true the world might be able to dust itself off and change shit around so that reason would have a better footing than greed and power.
Until then, sundrop and swimming it is.
posted by Seth # 4:38 PM
11.18.2003
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Blog resurrection, Part IX
Shit!!! We're using X's now for the series, that's a big ugly crunch isn't it!?
Well, soldier on if you will.
***************************
The book is coming along well, chapter 9 is almost done and the new chapter before it will be done by tonight.
That's good news, lets hope for more this weekend.
posted by Seth # 7:49 PM
So I am going to brag about my cooking skills briefly before the real content. But as usual this is a convenient setup to the point.
Mmmm, just imagine 3 lbs of lean beef marinated overnight in olive oil, basil leaves, rosemary and finely chopped onions. Now put it in an oven in a sarcophagus of salt to seal in all the beefy goodness. To go with it is a rich red wine gravy based on the leftover marinade and full of herbs and a pinch of the salt crust. Couple this with roasted onion and vegetables and you get my lunch. And now I can barely move.
I am not one to wallow in my hedonism, I just have to give due credit to my culinary skills. Speaking of skills, I feel obligated to pay homage to some of the finer skills in life that cannot really be taught without firsthand experience.
Have you met my younger brother? If so, you know about the dangers of whining in front of him and probably have heard the sound of the ‘waaahmbulance.’ Something the brothers and I share, to varying degrees and specialties, is the ability to come up with a good comeback.
There may be nothing sadder than a decent insult being followed by an incredibly lame comeback that just makes the insulted person look like even more of a fuckup. Its like when Ganon throws a ball of lightning at you...time a decent swing right and it goes right back. Miss, and you get fucked. Now sometimes he hits it back a second time, you just gotta keep swinging til someone gets hit or deflect the blast.
That’s called banter.
Sometimes the comeback is probably 6 times funnier than the actual insult, if so you can also follow up with yet another stinging retort. That too is sweet.
But what makes a comeback good. Generally, it has to be funny, witty/clever, or just so fucking mean that it turns all conversation into quick drawn breaths and someone muttering ‘god damn, that was racist!’
Wade is probably the harshest among us. I give you an example (paraphrased.)
Scott: I don’t know what we’re gonna do tonight.
Wade: Yeah, because you suck at life.
Scott: But...
Wade: But nothing, you’re worthless, everyone hates you just die!
Now in reading back what I’ve just written it occurs to me I have left something out. Delivery is just as important, if not more so, than the content. Its easy for me to recall the exact inflection and tones that Wade would use, but if I imagine say...Paul Floyd saying his part I know that it wouldn’t be funny at all. Why? Because Paul sucks at life.
As for me, I try to take a wittier tack, often just some sort of incredibly bad pun of dennis miller style obscure reference. Take a real life example from senior year in high school in which Shane Mellor and I discussed female relations.
Seth:
Shane: Man, I know more about girls than you ever will.
Seth: Ha! You don’t become a wine connoisseur by drinking welches grape juice.
A stinger to be sure, but while I’ m going on about Shane I should add that sometimes comebacks aren’t even verbal. After the prom we were all chillin’ at the breakfast place. I was sitting down across from him with Hailey on my right, he was leaning back in his chair and being like a steroidally enhance male version of Kelly. At one point he made a crack about the swim team not being popular. Now I was captain of swim team and it was my duty to not let a bitch like him get away with it. Instead of breaking out any sort of menacing commentary I just smiled and kicked his chair over with him in it. It was beautiful.
Now Lucas has a particularly well-suppressed anger that does pop out on occasion and when it does you get mean-assed ad hominem attacks. Someone cracks on you, you remind them of something particularly embarrassing. I cite ‘Super Troopers’ to demonstrate.
O’Hagan: Look Grady, this is your last chance. Either you cooperate or I am going to embarrass the hell out of you.
Grady: What, like naked in a dream embarrassed?
O’Hagan: No...embarrassed like you were in ‘72 when you got caught fucking your cousin.
Grady: She’s not my cousin.
I wish there was a good way to write the sound of a spittoon getting hit with a well fired spit.
Now that was particularly scathing not only because it was embarrassing, but also because Grady couldn’t come back with anything but denial. Nothing is lamer than coming back with ‘no I’m not!’ or ‘No I didn’t!’
Now I have to go watch the matrix 3 trailer and get my paycheck. Look forward to 3 chapters of the book when I return. I will probably start posting progress as I get edited versions completed in order. We’ll see though.
posted by Seth # 10:23 AM
10.7.2003
I know I haven’t written in a while, so be calmed and reassured by this that I am not dead, nor have I lost my fingers, eyes or ability to read the English language. My week has been tiring to say the least.
For some context, I am the haggard looking brown haired white guy sitting next to some girl in a green shirt on the 2nd floor of DH Hill library. Some ho’s celly just rang, I pondered killing her for 1.78 seconds…much higher than the usual 1.2 with a standard deviation of .31. Also, the thundercats shirt today got me noticed by Chiwi and a guy wearing the inverse (red shirt, black logo) said the ‘huh-oh’ part of thundercats HUH-OH.
There’s really no good way to right ‘ho’ so it has 2 syllables, lets move on. Well a new measure of stress in my life could be time spent with Jodie Jensen. I know what you’re thinking…
10 Mention some girl
20 Rant
30 Go to 10
But if you’re familiar with the whole ‘ad hoc ergo propter hoc’ thing (IE correlation does not equal causation) then you should understand. Time spent with Jodie means time spent studying like a freak. Having 3 tests this week means lots of Jodie time, stress and coffee. So therefore since Jodie time = Stress = Library = Coffee, then we can conclude that stress = coffee.
I just got out of econ and walked down the ‘sborough. The day was neither hot nor cold, it was neither windy nor still and the overcast clouds made it neither bright nor dark. It was a bunch of god damned neutral nothingness to follow the equally neutral test. IE, I did well enough not to cry about it but not well enough to feel any sort of pride either. Bleh, and I have 5 hours of studying to look forward to.
Now before I do that, and I’ll probably get some golden dragon later to ease my suffering, I decided to educate my dedicated reader with somethings they might find interesting or relevant.
First, someone asked me the other day what is the difference between a neurosis and a psychosis…it may have been Jimmy, he’s in abnormal. Anyways, it’s a simple distinction that I did not know offhand so I looked it up and will now deliver in my creative metaphor format. Heigh ho, here we go.
Neurotic behavior is anything that is not considered normal but is also not necessarily considered dangerous. Personality disorders are often neuroses rather than psychoses. People that can’t decide whether they left the gas on, or can’t step on cracks in the side walk or bite their nails constantly have neurotic tendencies. Jack Nicolson’s character from ‘As good as it gets’ is a good example. Basically people who have a distorted picture in terms of relative relevance can be considered neurotic (this may mean everyone to a degree). Its kind of like being drunk. Reality is still there, and many perceptions are familiar just delayed or slowed down or dulled or sensitized (take my detachment vs crying like a bitch when I get hammered) The point is reality stays the same, and you just aren’t getting a good representation of it.
If neurosis is like being drunk than psychosis is probably like tripping on Acid. I don’t know how similar the two are being neither a fan of acid nor a psychopath, but from what they say and people’s descriptions of the two it seems pretty solid to me. Psychosis is when you are detached, separated, or just removed from reality. Its hard to imagine how this happens when we take so much of the world for granted. But let me walk you through the distinction between a normal person and a psycho.
The universe does not exist in the sense we see it without our perceptions to base direction, position and metaphors in. Its nothing unless you have something to see, hear or touch it with. Can you see out the back of your head, or from your hand? No, trying to ‘see’ the universe without sense organs is like putting your hand in a box and trying to determine the color. Consider this blank slate in which nothing exists until you can detect it and work from there. Your senses not only perceive the universe, they define it. Color is a pretty obscure form of distinction when you consider the small variations in wavelength and frequency, but we distinguish fairly well with light, sound and temperature.
Without going into tons of specifics (and you know I would if I had time) its easy to imagine everyone having several aspects from each of their sense organs that add info into our brain which turns nothing into…tah da! Something. What we understand comes to us in parts. Lots of light and vibrations come into our range but we see, hear and feel them separately and integrate later. Normal people perceive within certain tolerances and can be deficient in one or a few areas and still function well.
Extend this principle to human interaction. Take the girl to my left. I have never seen her before but I understand that she’s a girl, she’s slightly taller than me, she’s got a decent rack but is only a 6 on the adjusted boneability scale. Now I know these things not because they are inherent to the fabric of the universe, I have lots of data tucked away to compare and contrast each moment of experience to my past and predicted future ones. Sounds much neater than life really is I’m sure. The point is, if I didn’t have that data or if the memory or processing of that data was corrupted, changed or distorted then I might not have a clue what the fuck a girl or a shirt or even the color green was.
Psychotic people do not have access to the same degree of truth that normal people’s brains can handle. This isn’t an intelligence thing either, smart people can be deluded assholes just like the dumbest of us. Its an experience thing. If your brain told you that every person was probably evil and out to kill you, and you had no way of thinking ‘hey that’s a crazy thought’ you’d be a psychopath. It’s a problem not of motivation or mindset, its being stuck in a world where the rules that apply to you are totally different than for everyone else. Maybe not always, but this is no mere woozy glazed over perception. This is full on hallucination.
But what exactly is a hallucination? Its an interesting thing to ponder, you may do so if you like.
Done? Ok, well consider that a hallucination is just a misdirected report. A normal person sees someone else because their eyes picked up light which corresponds to familiar patterns which the brain recognizes and relays (somehow) into your consciousness. That, to me, is fucking outstanding. Now a hallucination is when something that does not exist to normal people exists to you. Just because its not real doesn’t mean your brain isn’t insisting that it is. People wonder why crazy types can’t straighten out. Well, if your eyes painted a picture of the world that wasn’t accurate you couldn’t get around any better. You’d also probably be annoyed by the people you keep bumping into who insist on your shaping up your inability to comprehend them.
Ah the joys of being a psychologist. Speaking of which, lets talk about tickling for a moment.
One of the best indicators of whether I will get along with you (this goes for females only) is ticklishness. Girls that can be sent into hysterics with a tap or a poke are just delightful when feeling like abusing someone without causing physical harm. Girls that aren’t ticklish, are usually missing a sense of humor also. And that is just unacceptable.
A great mystery of life is about to be revealed, that is why squeezing just above someone’s knees provokes an immediate jerking of the leg and probable cause of pain or discomfort.
Everyone knows that if you tap someone’s knee in the right place they kick. But does anyone know why? I do, and so will you. It’s a reflex, and most of the body’s functions do have some useful purpose. This is no exception.
The muscles in your leg are big and scary. They could easily yank your knee cap off or split a bone or themselves if allowed to contract fully and in unison. Having a hundred or more muscle fibers to an axon means muscle control is spotty at best and used mainly for gross or rough movements. To prevent some kind of damage, the tendon has a little detector called the golgi tendon organ.
Whenever you get a sudden contraction of too many muscles this thing is triggered and it does the fun part of a reflex arc to create the stretch reflex. Muscles only contract you know, so rather than slow the muscle by reducing its contraction, the opposing muscle will ‘brake’ for it. The result, tap a knee and the flexor reports sudden change, in response, the extensor contracts and you kick out your foot. Now since your flexor wasn’t really doing much the net is a little kick.
The other method of provoking this is the aforementioned contralateral knee squeeze. Now, since my mind is somewhat refreshed, I am off to study bio psych and run through 242 for tomorrow.
posted by Seth # 2:54 PM
10.4.2003
Today was characterized by a fun little hike up morrow mountain. Trust me, it was short, light and brisk. Not a bad diversion, but not really a hike either, more of an autumn stroll. Anyways, about half way through the dad and I (mom was far behind most of the time) had good talk about genetic engineering of people and then about southern language.
Something the northeners don't really comment or care about the southern language is its ability to soak up sarcasm.
Consider the phrase 'well bless your heart.' Its as much a condolence as it is a knife in the back. What a great piece of sarcasm in a southerners arsenal. "Man I can't believe how much my feet hurt." Oh well bless your heart. He's so ugly, bless his heart. "Jed got shot in the leg and they had to amputate, bless his heart."
You hear some criticism that southern dialect and the way we talk is roundabout and indirect. Its really more devious than anything. But, I got plans tonight, so I gotta cut this short.
posted by Seth # 3:57 PM
10.3.2003
So lucas snagged a certain movie on DVD before the release date...one, "matrix reloaded"...oh yes, and it was sweet!
Ironically I was thinking about just that earlier today before my swim. Specifically the line that Sereph says: "You do not truly know someone until you fight them." It got me thinking for my 4.17 miles today.
And yes, that is what makes me King Shit of Fuck mountain, thank you Bob and David.
Anyways, fighting is the topic. But there are many kinds of fighting. Verbal, physical, indirect (some other violent or physical contest) and of course, war. Even these classifications have subareas to consider.
Physical can be anything from sparring to a bar brawl. Here is my take on some kinds of physical incursions. Much like Jonathan Hemlock, if someone starts shit that you don't want I say any means, methods or objects to smite them are fair game. Thankfully, this isn't an everyday occurence. Most people dont fight strangers, they fight with their friends and loved ones. When fighting a friend or brother there are certain rules you must follow. Why, or what's the difference you might ask? Well your friends are probably gonna be your friends afterwards and family is inescapable. I have only decked one guy and I hated him like no other. As many hundreds of fights that wade and I have been in, or any combination of brothers, you never punch the face. Its just how it goes.
Then again, in contrast to Mr. Hemlock, formal fighting is a whole new ball game. Its really not a ball game, but when you mix rules and man vs man you get what I call True Sport. You may have seen my away message about wrestling before, but if not i'll summarize.
"When you wrestle, you are bound not only to your opponent but to the rules of the mat. Then he causes you pain and everything comes into focus. At first you recoil from the pain, the urge to run, to give in and submit runs through your head. Anything to escape. But, there is another force, something deeper and fearsome lurking in your cells that does not let you go. It urges you to stay, to call on your strength not to run but to fight. This is Killer Instinct. You still want to run, but you want to hurt whoever is hurting you even more no matter the cost. Though the fear is gone the rules remain, and even if you prevail if you break the rules you are the loser. This is the essence of True Sport. Savagery and rules, hand in hand with the biological imperative."
Now if you're sparring you can't throw sand or poison your knife without bad things happening. You do, and you're a damned cheater. Its a sport, an organized contest of strengths, skills and nutsack. Verbal arguments take the opposite course with organization and familiarity.
It would be a rare thing indeed to have a formal debate with your parents, or a round tobin discussion with your friends. No, people talk shit and scream at their familiars. Its only formally organized debates that maintain order and those are almost always with strangers or colleagues. You of course can still get into a scathing verbal bout with a stranger, but that's just part of life.
Going back to a contest...isn't a fight really about who is tough shit and who is dogmeat? And aren't all sports simply a test of some aspect of strength or some particular skills? So in a way, every sport is a kind of indirect combat. Now I know you're about to say 'even badminton and bowling?' And the answer is yes, ping pong is style of fighting.
Simple physical strength is rarely what we measure though. Weightlifting and some track events are really the only ones (and swimming to a degree, but i'll make that a special example later) that stick to pure muscle. Its more about finesse or some combination of skills. People can get sick competitive though.
Take me and my sports. One, racquetball. Rball is not about who can knock the fuck out of the ball or run the fastest. In my year or so of playing Tristan this has become apparent. He's much more buff, but I win almost every time. Rball is a sport where Presence is necessary. Note the formal use of Presence. This is a game where being a sneaky annoying bastard gives you the advantage. You could hit the shit out of the ball and make your opponent chase it, or just hit it where he cannot go. To be good at racquetball you need only one thing: Brute Finesse.
Swimming is similar in a not so apparent way. If you land an awesome killshot in rball people comment on it. No one has ever said "damn, did you see the angle his hand hit the water, that's flawless!" Trust me, its never happened. Swimming is however just as Presence dominated as any other sport.
The key to this is grace. No not Grace, but just simple elegance. If technique were dresses, this is the one that Ms America picks so it doesn't fall apart or look bawdy. You can tell the difference between a good swimmer and bad very easily. N00bs in the pool swing straight armed and splash and wobble around on every axis. Its pitiable. Each stroke has its pitfalls, but freestyle is to me the easiest and to others teh hardest.
Consider the difference between running and swimming. You have your whole damned life to practice standing, walking, running and jumping. Time spent in a pool is somewhat less then time out of one. Its like learning to dance, except instead of rhythm you need water. Both require devotion to succeed. Now on dry land I am a clumsy ass bitch, but stick me in some chlorinated water and I am like a swan. Ugly duckling comments aside, lets look at the physics that make grace work.
Ok...these noobie fucks that take up my lane have so many things wrong that i just want to strangle or drown most of them. Clumsiness is such a waste of energy in the water. If you go up and down or wander around in the lane you are swimming more within a fixed distance. Straight lines are the way to go man! and level straight lines are even better.
Another thing. Buoyancy is pretty important. Why? Because water is like 6000 times heavier than air. Ever movement should count. Also, if you can set up your pulls outside the water they use less energy. And if you can kick yourself out of the water there is less drag. That's olympic style shit, but its cool to see guys that can lift themselves out of the water almost up to their waste and fly on top of it.
Now, an understanding of efficient stroke comes from practice and extensive teaching. Butterfly is the most energy intensive thing I think the body can do. But even strong people have trouble with it...why? Because flight, and this stroke comes closest to emulating it, is a complicated and graceful task humans are just not suited for. The timing, movements, strength of the second kick compared to the first are all intuitive but teaching them is just damn hard. Rather than dragging yourself through the water, you try to make yourself a sine wave flowing through it. You try to go up and out of the water, push forward through the air and stabilize/reorient upward with the first kick and push forwards with the second just a bit later. Sounds goofy and complicated but to see people do it in perfection is sublime.
Appreciation comes from knowing worth. And to me a graceful stroke is an underappreciated form of elegance. And swimming is an unappreciated form of combat.
I wish there were an olympic event that was two guys pitted against eachother in single combat in a 15 x 15 meter pool that is 4 meters deep. That would be sick cool! The point is that practice makes perfect and combat declares who is 'perfect' so we can all kiss their ass.
It doesn't explain how many fucking imbeciles watch professional sports and get psychotic over some arbitrary team halfway across the country...but war does!
What is war? Yeah I know, a bunch of guys killing eachother with sticks/swords/guns/planes. But they don't all just decide to go out and fuck shit up. Someone else sends them. Chiefs send their tribe to fight, Lords send their kerns and knights into battle, president bush wipes up Iraq with smartbombs and a horde of farm boys and college rejects. Its another pissing contest. Only people's lives get pissed away for political gain and access to resources.
Isn't that what the first fight was about? Some blob of goo is going to eat me or I will have to eat it, multiply and keep eating! People do the same thing but for food or gold or oil...and sometimes just for pride. Wouldn't it suck if your feudal lord just didn't like some other guy so you and a bunch of dudes go duke it out with metal suits and points just to satisfy some fat nobleman's pride? Hell yeah, and that's nationalism.
To a lesser degree its also sports from the opposite angle. Bunches of peons stake their pride on the muscle and vigor of a bunch of other guys that they have little or no connection with. And the owners make millions. Ain't life grand.
posted by Seth # 8:40 PM
10.2.2003
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0310/exclusive.html
posted by Seth # 6:41 AM
10.1.2003
Well, soldier on if you will.
***************************
The book is coming along well, chapter 9 is almost done and the new chapter before it will be done by tonight.
That's good news, lets hope for more this weekend.
posted by Seth # 7:49 PM
So I am going to brag about my cooking skills briefly before the real content. But as usual this is a convenient setup to the point.
Mmmm, just imagine 3 lbs of lean beef marinated overnight in olive oil, basil leaves, rosemary and finely chopped onions. Now put it in an oven in a sarcophagus of salt to seal in all the beefy goodness. To go with it is a rich red wine gravy based on the leftover marinade and full of herbs and a pinch of the salt crust. Couple this with roasted onion and vegetables and you get my lunch. And now I can barely move.
I am not one to wallow in my hedonism, I just have to give due credit to my culinary skills. Speaking of skills, I feel obligated to pay homage to some of the finer skills in life that cannot really be taught without firsthand experience.
Have you met my younger brother? If so, you know about the dangers of whining in front of him and probably have heard the sound of the ‘waaahmbulance.’ Something the brothers and I share, to varying degrees and specialties, is the ability to come up with a good comeback.
There may be nothing sadder than a decent insult being followed by an incredibly lame comeback that just makes the insulted person look like even more of a fuckup. Its like when Ganon throws a ball of lightning at you...time a decent swing right and it goes right back. Miss, and you get fucked. Now sometimes he hits it back a second time, you just gotta keep swinging til someone gets hit or deflect the blast.
That’s called banter.
Sometimes the comeback is probably 6 times funnier than the actual insult, if so you can also follow up with yet another stinging retort. That too is sweet.
But what makes a comeback good. Generally, it has to be funny, witty/clever, or just so fucking mean that it turns all conversation into quick drawn breaths and someone muttering ‘god damn, that was racist!’
Wade is probably the harshest among us. I give you an example (paraphrased.)
Scott: I don’t know what we’re gonna do tonight.
Wade: Yeah, because you suck at life.
Scott: But...
Wade: But nothing, you’re worthless, everyone hates you just die!
Now in reading back what I’ve just written it occurs to me I have left something out. Delivery is just as important, if not more so, than the content. Its easy for me to recall the exact inflection and tones that Wade would use, but if I imagine say...Paul Floyd saying his part I know that it wouldn’t be funny at all. Why? Because Paul sucks at life.
As for me, I try to take a wittier tack, often just some sort of incredibly bad pun of dennis miller style obscure reference. Take a real life example from senior year in high school in which Shane Mellor and I discussed female relations.
Seth:
Shane: Man, I know more about girls than you ever will.
Seth: Ha! You don’t become a wine connoisseur by drinking welches grape juice.
A stinger to be sure, but while I’ m going on about Shane I should add that sometimes comebacks aren’t even verbal. After the prom we were all chillin’ at the breakfast place. I was sitting down across from him with Hailey on my right, he was leaning back in his chair and being like a steroidally enhance male version of Kelly. At one point he made a crack about the swim team not being popular. Now I was captain of swim team and it was my duty to not let a bitch like him get away with it. Instead of breaking out any sort of menacing commentary I just smiled and kicked his chair over with him in it. It was beautiful.
Now Lucas has a particularly well-suppressed anger that does pop out on occasion and when it does you get mean-assed ad hominem attacks. Someone cracks on you, you remind them of something particularly embarrassing. I cite ‘Super Troopers’ to demonstrate.
O’Hagan: Look Grady, this is your last chance. Either you cooperate or I am going to embarrass the hell out of you.
Grady: What, like naked in a dream embarrassed?
O’Hagan: No...embarrassed like you were in ‘72 when you got caught fucking your cousin.
Grady: She’s not my cousin.
I wish there was a good way to write the sound of a spittoon getting hit with a well fired spit.
Now that was particularly scathing not only because it was embarrassing, but also because Grady couldn’t come back with anything but denial. Nothing is lamer than coming back with ‘no I’m not!’ or ‘No I didn’t!’
Now I have to go watch the matrix 3 trailer and get my paycheck. Look forward to 3 chapters of the book when I return. I will probably start posting progress as I get edited versions completed in order. We’ll see though.
posted by Seth # 10:23 AM
10.7.2003
I know I haven’t written in a while, so be calmed and reassured by this that I am not dead, nor have I lost my fingers, eyes or ability to read the English language. My week has been tiring to say the least.
For some context, I am the haggard looking brown haired white guy sitting next to some girl in a green shirt on the 2nd floor of DH Hill library. Some ho’s celly just rang, I pondered killing her for 1.78 seconds…much higher than the usual 1.2 with a standard deviation of .31. Also, the thundercats shirt today got me noticed by Chiwi and a guy wearing the inverse (red shirt, black logo) said the ‘huh-oh’ part of thundercats HUH-OH.
There’s really no good way to right ‘ho’ so it has 2 syllables, lets move on. Well a new measure of stress in my life could be time spent with Jodie Jensen. I know what you’re thinking…
10 Mention some girl
20 Rant
30 Go to 10
But if you’re familiar with the whole ‘ad hoc ergo propter hoc’ thing (IE correlation does not equal causation) then you should understand. Time spent with Jodie means time spent studying like a freak. Having 3 tests this week means lots of Jodie time, stress and coffee. So therefore since Jodie time = Stress = Library = Coffee, then we can conclude that stress = coffee.
I just got out of econ and walked down the ‘sborough. The day was neither hot nor cold, it was neither windy nor still and the overcast clouds made it neither bright nor dark. It was a bunch of god damned neutral nothingness to follow the equally neutral test. IE, I did well enough not to cry about it but not well enough to feel any sort of pride either. Bleh, and I have 5 hours of studying to look forward to.
Now before I do that, and I’ll probably get some golden dragon later to ease my suffering, I decided to educate my dedicated reader with somethings they might find interesting or relevant.
First, someone asked me the other day what is the difference between a neurosis and a psychosis…it may have been Jimmy, he’s in abnormal. Anyways, it’s a simple distinction that I did not know offhand so I looked it up and will now deliver in my creative metaphor format. Heigh ho, here we go.
Neurotic behavior is anything that is not considered normal but is also not necessarily considered dangerous. Personality disorders are often neuroses rather than psychoses. People that can’t decide whether they left the gas on, or can’t step on cracks in the side walk or bite their nails constantly have neurotic tendencies. Jack Nicolson’s character from ‘As good as it gets’ is a good example. Basically people who have a distorted picture in terms of relative relevance can be considered neurotic (this may mean everyone to a degree). Its kind of like being drunk. Reality is still there, and many perceptions are familiar just delayed or slowed down or dulled or sensitized (take my detachment vs crying like a bitch when I get hammered) The point is reality stays the same, and you just aren’t getting a good representation of it.
If neurosis is like being drunk than psychosis is probably like tripping on Acid. I don’t know how similar the two are being neither a fan of acid nor a psychopath, but from what they say and people’s descriptions of the two it seems pretty solid to me. Psychosis is when you are detached, separated, or just removed from reality. Its hard to imagine how this happens when we take so much of the world for granted. But let me walk you through the distinction between a normal person and a psycho.
The universe does not exist in the sense we see it without our perceptions to base direction, position and metaphors in. Its nothing unless you have something to see, hear or touch it with. Can you see out the back of your head, or from your hand? No, trying to ‘see’ the universe without sense organs is like putting your hand in a box and trying to determine the color. Consider this blank slate in which nothing exists until you can detect it and work from there. Your senses not only perceive the universe, they define it. Color is a pretty obscure form of distinction when you consider the small variations in wavelength and frequency, but we distinguish fairly well with light, sound and temperature.
Without going into tons of specifics (and you know I would if I had time) its easy to imagine everyone having several aspects from each of their sense organs that add info into our brain which turns nothing into…tah da! Something. What we understand comes to us in parts. Lots of light and vibrations come into our range but we see, hear and feel them separately and integrate later. Normal people perceive within certain tolerances and can be deficient in one or a few areas and still function well.
Extend this principle to human interaction. Take the girl to my left. I have never seen her before but I understand that she’s a girl, she’s slightly taller than me, she’s got a decent rack but is only a 6 on the adjusted boneability scale. Now I know these things not because they are inherent to the fabric of the universe, I have lots of data tucked away to compare and contrast each moment of experience to my past and predicted future ones. Sounds much neater than life really is I’m sure. The point is, if I didn’t have that data or if the memory or processing of that data was corrupted, changed or distorted then I might not have a clue what the fuck a girl or a shirt or even the color green was.
Psychotic people do not have access to the same degree of truth that normal people’s brains can handle. This isn’t an intelligence thing either, smart people can be deluded assholes just like the dumbest of us. Its an experience thing. If your brain told you that every person was probably evil and out to kill you, and you had no way of thinking ‘hey that’s a crazy thought’ you’d be a psychopath. It’s a problem not of motivation or mindset, its being stuck in a world where the rules that apply to you are totally different than for everyone else. Maybe not always, but this is no mere woozy glazed over perception. This is full on hallucination.
But what exactly is a hallucination? Its an interesting thing to ponder, you may do so if you like.
Done? Ok, well consider that a hallucination is just a misdirected report. A normal person sees someone else because their eyes picked up light which corresponds to familiar patterns which the brain recognizes and relays (somehow) into your consciousness. That, to me, is fucking outstanding. Now a hallucination is when something that does not exist to normal people exists to you. Just because its not real doesn’t mean your brain isn’t insisting that it is. People wonder why crazy types can’t straighten out. Well, if your eyes painted a picture of the world that wasn’t accurate you couldn’t get around any better. You’d also probably be annoyed by the people you keep bumping into who insist on your shaping up your inability to comprehend them.
Ah the joys of being a psychologist. Speaking of which, lets talk about tickling for a moment.
One of the best indicators of whether I will get along with you (this goes for females only) is ticklishness. Girls that can be sent into hysterics with a tap or a poke are just delightful when feeling like abusing someone without causing physical harm. Girls that aren’t ticklish, are usually missing a sense of humor also. And that is just unacceptable.
A great mystery of life is about to be revealed, that is why squeezing just above someone’s knees provokes an immediate jerking of the leg and probable cause of pain or discomfort.
Everyone knows that if you tap someone’s knee in the right place they kick. But does anyone know why? I do, and so will you. It’s a reflex, and most of the body’s functions do have some useful purpose. This is no exception.
The muscles in your leg are big and scary. They could easily yank your knee cap off or split a bone or themselves if allowed to contract fully and in unison. Having a hundred or more muscle fibers to an axon means muscle control is spotty at best and used mainly for gross or rough movements. To prevent some kind of damage, the tendon has a little detector called the golgi tendon organ.
Whenever you get a sudden contraction of too many muscles this thing is triggered and it does the fun part of a reflex arc to create the stretch reflex. Muscles only contract you know, so rather than slow the muscle by reducing its contraction, the opposing muscle will ‘brake’ for it. The result, tap a knee and the flexor reports sudden change, in response, the extensor contracts and you kick out your foot. Now since your flexor wasn’t really doing much the net is a little kick.
The other method of provoking this is the aforementioned contralateral knee squeeze. Now, since my mind is somewhat refreshed, I am off to study bio psych and run through 242 for tomorrow.
posted by Seth # 2:54 PM
10.4.2003
Today was characterized by a fun little hike up morrow mountain. Trust me, it was short, light and brisk. Not a bad diversion, but not really a hike either, more of an autumn stroll. Anyways, about half way through the dad and I (mom was far behind most of the time) had good talk about genetic engineering of people and then about southern language.
Something the northeners don't really comment or care about the southern language is its ability to soak up sarcasm.
Consider the phrase 'well bless your heart.' Its as much a condolence as it is a knife in the back. What a great piece of sarcasm in a southerners arsenal. "Man I can't believe how much my feet hurt." Oh well bless your heart. He's so ugly, bless his heart. "Jed got shot in the leg and they had to amputate, bless his heart."
You hear some criticism that southern dialect and the way we talk is roundabout and indirect. Its really more devious than anything. But, I got plans tonight, so I gotta cut this short.
posted by Seth # 3:57 PM
10.3.2003
So lucas snagged a certain movie on DVD before the release date...one, "matrix reloaded"...oh yes, and it was sweet!
Ironically I was thinking about just that earlier today before my swim. Specifically the line that Sereph says: "You do not truly know someone until you fight them." It got me thinking for my 4.17 miles today.
And yes, that is what makes me King Shit of Fuck mountain, thank you Bob and David.
Anyways, fighting is the topic. But there are many kinds of fighting. Verbal, physical, indirect (some other violent or physical contest) and of course, war. Even these classifications have subareas to consider.
Physical can be anything from sparring to a bar brawl. Here is my take on some kinds of physical incursions. Much like Jonathan Hemlock, if someone starts shit that you don't want I say any means, methods or objects to smite them are fair game. Thankfully, this isn't an everyday occurence. Most people dont fight strangers, they fight with their friends and loved ones. When fighting a friend or brother there are certain rules you must follow. Why, or what's the difference you might ask? Well your friends are probably gonna be your friends afterwards and family is inescapable. I have only decked one guy and I hated him like no other. As many hundreds of fights that wade and I have been in, or any combination of brothers, you never punch the face. Its just how it goes.
Then again, in contrast to Mr. Hemlock, formal fighting is a whole new ball game. Its really not a ball game, but when you mix rules and man vs man you get what I call True Sport. You may have seen my away message about wrestling before, but if not i'll summarize.
"When you wrestle, you are bound not only to your opponent but to the rules of the mat. Then he causes you pain and everything comes into focus. At first you recoil from the pain, the urge to run, to give in and submit runs through your head. Anything to escape. But, there is another force, something deeper and fearsome lurking in your cells that does not let you go. It urges you to stay, to call on your strength not to run but to fight. This is Killer Instinct. You still want to run, but you want to hurt whoever is hurting you even more no matter the cost. Though the fear is gone the rules remain, and even if you prevail if you break the rules you are the loser. This is the essence of True Sport. Savagery and rules, hand in hand with the biological imperative."
Now if you're sparring you can't throw sand or poison your knife without bad things happening. You do, and you're a damned cheater. Its a sport, an organized contest of strengths, skills and nutsack. Verbal arguments take the opposite course with organization and familiarity.
It would be a rare thing indeed to have a formal debate with your parents, or a round tobin discussion with your friends. No, people talk shit and scream at their familiars. Its only formally organized debates that maintain order and those are almost always with strangers or colleagues. You of course can still get into a scathing verbal bout with a stranger, but that's just part of life.
Going back to a contest...isn't a fight really about who is tough shit and who is dogmeat? And aren't all sports simply a test of some aspect of strength or some particular skills? So in a way, every sport is a kind of indirect combat. Now I know you're about to say 'even badminton and bowling?' And the answer is yes, ping pong is style of fighting.
Simple physical strength is rarely what we measure though. Weightlifting and some track events are really the only ones (and swimming to a degree, but i'll make that a special example later) that stick to pure muscle. Its more about finesse or some combination of skills. People can get sick competitive though.
Take me and my sports. One, racquetball. Rball is not about who can knock the fuck out of the ball or run the fastest. In my year or so of playing Tristan this has become apparent. He's much more buff, but I win almost every time. Rball is a sport where Presence is necessary. Note the formal use of Presence. This is a game where being a sneaky annoying bastard gives you the advantage. You could hit the shit out of the ball and make your opponent chase it, or just hit it where he cannot go. To be good at racquetball you need only one thing: Brute Finesse.
Swimming is similar in a not so apparent way. If you land an awesome killshot in rball people comment on it. No one has ever said "damn, did you see the angle his hand hit the water, that's flawless!" Trust me, its never happened. Swimming is however just as Presence dominated as any other sport.
The key to this is grace. No not Grace, but just simple elegance. If technique were dresses, this is the one that Ms America picks so it doesn't fall apart or look bawdy. You can tell the difference between a good swimmer and bad very easily. N00bs in the pool swing straight armed and splash and wobble around on every axis. Its pitiable. Each stroke has its pitfalls, but freestyle is to me the easiest and to others teh hardest.
Consider the difference between running and swimming. You have your whole damned life to practice standing, walking, running and jumping. Time spent in a pool is somewhat less then time out of one. Its like learning to dance, except instead of rhythm you need water. Both require devotion to succeed. Now on dry land I am a clumsy ass bitch, but stick me in some chlorinated water and I am like a swan. Ugly duckling comments aside, lets look at the physics that make grace work.
Ok...these noobie fucks that take up my lane have so many things wrong that i just want to strangle or drown most of them. Clumsiness is such a waste of energy in the water. If you go up and down or wander around in the lane you are swimming more within a fixed distance. Straight lines are the way to go man! and level straight lines are even better.
Another thing. Buoyancy is pretty important. Why? Because water is like 6000 times heavier than air. Ever movement should count. Also, if you can set up your pulls outside the water they use less energy. And if you can kick yourself out of the water there is less drag. That's olympic style shit, but its cool to see guys that can lift themselves out of the water almost up to their waste and fly on top of it.
Now, an understanding of efficient stroke comes from practice and extensive teaching. Butterfly is the most energy intensive thing I think the body can do. But even strong people have trouble with it...why? Because flight, and this stroke comes closest to emulating it, is a complicated and graceful task humans are just not suited for. The timing, movements, strength of the second kick compared to the first are all intuitive but teaching them is just damn hard. Rather than dragging yourself through the water, you try to make yourself a sine wave flowing through it. You try to go up and out of the water, push forward through the air and stabilize/reorient upward with the first kick and push forwards with the second just a bit later. Sounds goofy and complicated but to see people do it in perfection is sublime.
Appreciation comes from knowing worth. And to me a graceful stroke is an underappreciated form of elegance. And swimming is an unappreciated form of combat.
I wish there were an olympic event that was two guys pitted against eachother in single combat in a 15 x 15 meter pool that is 4 meters deep. That would be sick cool! The point is that practice makes perfect and combat declares who is 'perfect' so we can all kiss their ass.
It doesn't explain how many fucking imbeciles watch professional sports and get psychotic over some arbitrary team halfway across the country...but war does!
What is war? Yeah I know, a bunch of guys killing eachother with sticks/swords/guns/planes. But they don't all just decide to go out and fuck shit up. Someone else sends them. Chiefs send their tribe to fight, Lords send their kerns and knights into battle, president bush wipes up Iraq with smartbombs and a horde of farm boys and college rejects. Its another pissing contest. Only people's lives get pissed away for political gain and access to resources.
Isn't that what the first fight was about? Some blob of goo is going to eat me or I will have to eat it, multiply and keep eating! People do the same thing but for food or gold or oil...and sometimes just for pride. Wouldn't it suck if your feudal lord just didn't like some other guy so you and a bunch of dudes go duke it out with metal suits and points just to satisfy some fat nobleman's pride? Hell yeah, and that's nationalism.
To a lesser degree its also sports from the opposite angle. Bunches of peons stake their pride on the muscle and vigor of a bunch of other guys that they have little or no connection with. And the owners make millions. Ain't life grand.
posted by Seth # 8:40 PM
10.2.2003
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0310/exclusive.html
posted by Seth # 6:41 AM
10.1.2003
Blog resurrection, Part VIII
Wow, still a good bit to go, I was hoping for a 10 part series but it may come to be 12 or more.
This segment contains my most controversial post about church Marquees and how inane and utterly ridiculous they all are.
**********************************
So I am looking through some old stuff i've written and came across the beginning of a Short Story I started. Read it and let me know what you think. Its still in the 'alpha' stage so look at content not presentation.
Best Served Cold
Drawn out of hiding, the dagger hissed with deadly intent through the cool night air. The super-cooled form flashed naked into the moonless starlight and ended its abrupt mission in the neck of an evil man. Behind the blade stood a black-clad and miserable youth. At the other end a premier murderer was paralyzed with fear.
With all the finesse of a hung-over butcher, the youth cut off the index finger of his left glove and poked it inside the dying killer. A flicker of a smile darted across his lips as he plugged the steaming blood as it escaped. Overwhelming warmth enclosed on numb fingers as he shoved aside muscle and tendon until he touched larynx. The few droplets that managed to fall to earth were already frozen when they hit.
The boy slashed dispassionately through lower thighs and let gravity force his victim earthward. Now, incapable of flight or speech, S was already a dead man. Crouching ever so patiently, the boy hunched forward and whispered “Before I decided exactly how to kill you, I thought of removing your vocal chords and making an instrument to play, so you might speak again. But I decided something altogether more fitting for you.”
Holding the knife at arms length, both men watched it slowly and impossibly melting.
“No one will ever find this murder weapon my friend, it’s ice. Colder than Dante’s nightmare and sharper than Excalibur it disappears like a crysknife into plain old water.”
S simply gurgled in abject fury.
“Perhaps you know who I am, perhaps not. My name is Wyllder Heyling, and you stole someone very dear to me. Think back, about say nine months ago, way back in Washington. That girl, the blonde outside the courthouse, was my sister. What you don’t know is that I saw the security tapes of what you did to her, everything you did to her will be revisited on you tenfold.
S tried to wriggle away but only succeeded in cutting his hands and face on the frozen ground. Heyling looked on him with all the pity of scorched earth, no love lingered in his eyes.
“Total erasure of your existence is what my destiny seems to be. I don’t mind so much, cutting off a cancer like you is a service to humanity. Now, you just think about that until we get back to my place.”
With that he dragged S’s body onto a stretcher hidden by some trashcans and lashed him into immobility. Muffled screams went unheeded until Wyllder put an oxygen mask on him. Now he could safely ignore any whimpering and pleading. Before leaving, Wyllder blasted the bloody part of alley with steam and covered the ground with hasty handfuls of salt. After the skirmish the water reformed leaving no trace of the blood, the knife, or the tire tracks from Wyllder Heyling’s rental van.
posted by Seth # 4:31 PM
10.24.2003
Man, the highlight of my day so far has been getting out of my SOC 205 (jobs and work) test. This happened through no virtue of mine but in a crucial and catastrophic error by the teacher. He passed out the tests not realizing that the answers were bolded and stood out like hell. There were some admirable efforts to contain this info (and hence secure a 100% 100 grade distribution) but to many fucking retards snickered and giggled and he caught on.
Those dumb motherfuckers, now we have to take the test for real. Good thing its an easy class. My one regret is not keeping my copy so I’d have a badass study guide to go by but I was close to the door and he took mine back before I could bolt.
So I picked up some lil dino’s and my paycheck then headed to the LRL to kill some time before swimming. Food has to digest you know. And ironically that’s the topic of today’s entry. There is just one thing I have to say first.
Kim Getty, my adolescent psych teacher, is fucking hot and she was in the LRL today. Cue the slurpy noise following ‘fava beans and a nice chianti…’
Ok, so we talked in bio psych today about something that I have written about before and now learned that there is a biological precedent for it! Basically it involves the relationship between how we act based on what we desire and what desires have been fulfilled.
Any guy that’s boned a ho that he didn’t really like (except for her having a vagina and or a mouth) knows that sinking feeling afterwards of ‘ah fuck, now she’s gonna want to cuddle.’ It’s a bad feeling, because you really don’t care about the girl, you just wanted to bust a dirty nut in her hair.
This brings up an interesting point and another crucial aspect of the Grand Design. For your refreshment the Grand Design is just the skeleton of truths that make up the philosophy I go by for the most part. (Since I can’t know everything I have to be content with a good outline that can be filled in and modified easily)
Let’s call it ‘The Test.’ Specifically this is the test for affection. Pretend you’re a horny guy, or if you are a horny guy just muse along with this. There’s a girl you really like and really wanna be with or date or whatever…but how do you really know its real attraction or you’re just being a lonely bitch. Well, do the test.
Its very simple. Just follow the steps.
A: Think about the girl you like
B: Jerk Off
C: Reevaluate and see if she’s still kosher or not.
If so, give her a call and make a date, good luck. If not, keep her on a tight leash IN THE SPANK BANK but don’t let her out. There have been to many Kelly’s and Sara’s (ie one of each) to risk your time and money on sub par pussy.
But lets say affection prevails over testosterone…oh wait, it doesn’t. Moving on…
The test is genius because of its simplicity. If you just want a nicely shaped hole to dump cum in, then when sexually satisfied you have no further desire to pump up the jam, or the gas grill or whatever. Lets say you have a craving for chocolate, but maybe you’re just hungry. Eat something, if you still want chocolate then get some for desert. If not, then go do something else (like anything else.)
More over, the initial situation (viz post coital nausea) illustrates an important point of desire. Once satisfied, these cravings often seem vile and useless. Seinfeld talks about how upset you are when you get the bill ‘why am I buying all this food, I’m not hungry.’ Now you are sickened by the thought of eating, whereas before you couldn’t stop yourself from being the emperor of the table.
Maybe this means robots will find all human desires disgusting or base. Or perhaps this is why religion shuns all material things. I mean, God doesn’t need anything, so why shouldn’t he find giving in to temptation revolting. But then again the holocaust happened so lets not put anything past God.
On perhaps a stranger note this goes back to my biological precedent and the role of insulin. As we all know, insulin is what regulates getting glucose from the bloodstream to the cells. If we increase our insulin we get hungry and we also use and store more from our food. One of the criticisms people give for overweight types is that they’re lazy or something. Well with higher insulin levels eating the same amount will STILL MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT. Take THAT law of conservation of energy. Actually the law holds it’s just a matter of how much gets used and how much gets stored. Low insulin means glucose in the blood stream has a hard time getting either used or stored. Then, even eating more will not help you gain weight or feed your cells.
It does seem strange that such a thing would happen, eating the same and gaining weight. Though not really all that strange when you compare low insulin behavior and starving people behavior (they are very similar.)
Oh, and there is something else I have to address. If you saw the Matrix Reloaded you probably remember a line by agent smith that is something like ‘for without purpose, we would not exist.’
Now I can see how some people could take that many ways. Some would use it as an argument in favor of God. After all, if there is a creator then there is probably some purpose to the universe (maybe he just got bored?) However, someone abused the notion and tried to apply it to evolution and for that I must countermand the short sightedness of that comment.
Consider their point of view, things that evolve fulfill some purpose and therefore they would not exist unless that purpose is useful and helps the animal survive. True enough except for one crucial detail: Nothing in biology exists solely for one purpose alone.
Lets look at a bird first of all. What makes a bird a bird? Feathers, wings, hollow bones, eggs? Whatever your criteria, lets look at these adaptations and see just what purpose they serve.
Ok, feathers, that’s easy right? They help a bird fly…but not all birds fly! Why the hell does an ostrich need feathers? Oh, for temperature regulation. So that’s at least two purposes. Now how about peacocks, do all the gaudy feathers and crap make them tougher or smarter or more agile in any way? The answer is of course ‘hell no, they are there so the blinged out birds get laid and the drab ones don’t, no problem.
What about wings…ok, THOSE definitely help a bird fly. They definitely don’t help all birds fly though. What they can help with is lift. Even birds that don’t fly extend their wings to the side when they run. To what end? To make them lighter and therefore faster. More energy can be devoted to moving forwards rather than resisting gravity as we bound forward and sink down.
You can see where this is going. The problem with most people’s understanding about evolution is that animals have traits that have pluses and minuses according to their environment. Wings may help one bird fly in a calm area, but if its always windy then they probably won’t do so well. Being bigger or stronger carries similar consequences. If you’re huge, then you can be faster or stronger than everyone else and get more food. But if there’s a shortage and you need more food to survive then you are fucked.
So here’s a much better version of said statement. “Evolution gives us no purpose, only potential.” And that’s why people are at the top of every food chain. We are some cunning motherfuckers.
Just take a look at the human body, its not the fastest, strongest, most agile or best at really anything that’s purely physical. But couple a mediocre body with a stellar brain and you get a scary bunch of shaved apes stomping around the jungle with spears, and fire and music. The rest of the animals didn’t stand a chance.
Look at your hands! You evolved to fucking kill antelope and eat seeds, nuts, fruit and berries. And you’re communicating behind a flashing screen and typing with the same set of hands that other people cook, clean, fight, and use for every tool and purpose on the earth. Now giving something smart an empty hand with an opposable thumb is what I call adaptability! We can make purpose just as readily as we make bread.
posted by Seth # 10:48 AM
10.17.2003
So its been another long gap, almost a week in fact since my last entry. But rest assured I’ve not been so idle in the other areas of my life. In fact, the real writing project (aka the novel, Fair Coin) has been going splendidly. Chapters 1-15 are done! That’s more than the half of the story line that I’ve written. Add that to the near complete histories and the nonexistant side story and it averages to an idealistic place I call the draft halfway point.
It’s a fucking miracle that this has gotten done. I don’t wanna rant or rave about my own accomplishments but I’ll relate something I thought of during my writing marathon last night (meaning it added up to 26 miles of text.)
Ok it didn’t really add up to 26 miles...but maybe one or two at least.
If you’re familiar with the storyline at all you should understand this but if not I’ll give it some background. The protagonist (Maynard Cassidy, aka M) in chapter 14 just found out a girl that he loved and lost is taken by a whiny, conniving bootlick. Needless to say it’s a sickeningly autobiographical chapter of my life condensed into about a day of the book time.
I wonder first of all why I chose the story line I did.
The theme of course is a look into the danger of dark spaces and what goes on under the noses and behind the backs of ‘normal’ people. I could have chosen several ways to go about this or many conflicts for my characters to face. Beyond the little details I find the very edges of my idealogy sticking out into space.
Some chance to exercise my wit on paper is good, but there is more. Archetypes and figures of legend litter the landscape and nearly every character has some sort of piece of me to them. Is it some grandiose rationalization of my own internal struggles. It could almost work, the various extremes that composite my personality are illustrated so blatantly I shudder to think of how naked my mind’s workings will be should this ever be published.
But then I remember that subtlety is so easily lost on most people and outside my immediate friends the allusions and tone will be lost on them. Which made me ponder if its just a great big way of saying ‘hey, fuck you I wrote a book!’ to the world at large.
What if strangers read it!?
Holy crap that’s a sobering thought. And worse, what if they think I’m an asshole or hate everyone. Well fuck them then! Besides, apparently enough strangers talk shit for me to not be bothered by it. And if you’re reading this, have a negative opinion of me and haven’t actually met me consider this my justification for not liking you either.
The real point of this entry is to talk about dreams. Its one of those things that happen, dreaming that is, that people take for granted but no one really knows about.
Forgive my immediate dismissal of supernatural or metaphysical communication, cuz visions and prophecy can lick my left nut for all I care. Biologically there is a measureable difference between dreams that occur during sleep and REM sleep. REM sleep is the special sleep where your eyes flitter back and forth and brain activity is increased. Most dreams, but not all, occur during this part of the sleep cycle.
Why? God I wish I knew so I could write a book about it and retire with my thumb up my butt. But opinions vary. One such theory I think holds promise as a ‘part of the picture’ type situation.
Your cornea, a key feature of your eye, gets most of its oxygen from simple exposure to the air. Now when you sleep with eyes closed it can’t do that. This hypothesis supposes that the brain activity during REM sleep is just to make sure the eyes get enough oxygen to avoid corneal damage.
Its not a very sexy hypothesis, but it did give me an idea into what is perhaps a better (or closer to the truth) description. Consider the implications...your brain does not need to be as active as it is during REM sleep just to wiggle the eye around. Hell that could be a reflex if it was that important.
What do we do with our eyes during daytime. We see! Now since we remember visual data and sound primarily (basing this on its easier to picture someone you know then vividly recall a smell) this could be a clue. As we absorb information our eyes jump from point to point and analyze as they do. Perhaps there is something going on in our brains that REM is just a symptom of.
Consider this analogy. If you were going to predict where the curve of a function was going to intersect a line at a certain point you have two options. One, you could plot out every point the curve will follow until you reach the intercept. Or, you could bust that into an equation and arrive at the correct answer without all that tedium between. The difference between these two methods is important to remember. Consider the first animation, and the second calculation.
Now stick this into the mix. When you are awake and thinking your mind jumps violently around for past data and insight. Images, sights, sounds, smells and tastes are all easily recalled and messages remembered and sent to their appropriate response activators. Think of imagining cake and see if the mouth waters. Now a lot of the data being kicked around is sensory and motor and very little is actually devoted to memory.
I hope I haven’t lost you, but here goes the punchline. When sleeping the brain has mechanisms which manipulate data and help sort things into long term memory. Not just regular long term memory, but ultra long term memory. Think of defragging your hard drive. You’d do it overnight when you don’t need processing power for seeing or moving around or watching porn yes? Same thing with the brain, its just taking advantage of the inactivity to do whatever the hell its doing.
I suspect some kind of organization process is going on. Consider the content of dreams. Some are longer, more vivid and more realistic than others. Many are involved with recent or current events mixed with stuff from the past and outright strange instances. If true, and the brain is trying to better organize your ideas on the matter then dreams could be when leaks or misfires occur. Every library misplaces things or stuff gets lost and stolen, why not the biological one inside your brain?
The reduction in brain activity could be interpreted as less activity. It seems obvious, less = less. But maybe not. Perhaps when we are awake there is a general heightened level of response to the environment. Just as a car idles whether its being driven or not, the brain has to keep running. Now when you’re asleep it stands to reason you only need the involuntary functions to keep you breathing and whatnot since you aren’t moving and doing very little sensory processing.
I wish I knew how much you should be using to see, think and all that jazz of being awake so I could subtract it from a relaxed state. If I got less than REM sleep’s value we would have good evidence that the brain is doing something fun that it doesn’t do normally when we’re awake.
Or maybe its God talking to you.
posted by Seth # 12:00 PM
10.11.2003
It occurred to me today that I have long neglected a topic I need to light on in my weblog. This topic? All the fucking religious billboards, advertisements and church marquees strewn about Concord like so many pungee sticks dipped in human fecal matter.
First things first, ahem. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO SPEAK FOR YOUR GOD YOU ARROGANT PSUEDO CHRISTIAN FUCKS.
Here are some repulsive examples. I will address the most heinous among them.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God
Translation: Jesus has to compete with football.
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
Indoctrination and fun for the whole family!
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
They apparently didn't catch the whole 'don't take the lord's name in vain thing.
We need to talk. -God
Shut up God.
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
Some witty little christian (and I do not capitalize for fear of lumping them into an actual religious group) actually thinks this is funny and clever. What a low brow jackass.
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
Cuz you know, sex with your wife is supposed to be a threesome with God. So, since Jesus is a man, its really OK to be gay or bi.
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing ... I meant it. -God
What if she's ugly, then can she just be a friend?
I love you and you and you and you and ... -God
Thanks God.
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God
Will anything get our hedonist asses into heaven? That's a good question, its like the whole 'a rich man may enter heaven but its as difficult as threading a camel through the eye of a needle. We're a relatively rich country in terms of consumption and overt spending, so does that mean we're screwed. And also, does the translation mean 'camel' as in the big animal with infamous toes or 'camel' as in thick twine. Also, since both would be impossible with a modern thread needle...can we make a fat needle, thread a piece of twine through it and be guaranteed a place in eternal bliss? Or do we have to make one big enough to shove a camel's ass through it?
Follow me. -God
But don't look at anything else, ask directions, check a map, stop to piss or consider going somewhere else. Do bring everyone with you though, whether they want to or not.
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God
The only joke here is that people laugh at that statement and are so blind to their ignorance its makes me shriek with horrified laughter.
My way is the highway. -God
So there is tar in heaven? Thanks david cross.
Need directions? -God
Shouldn't all the ones that are phrased as questions be kind of suspect...i mean, God knows if he exists...lets not belittle his/her/its intelligence.
You think it's hot here? -God
Threats, that's GOOD psychology there. Nice try Jerry Falwell.
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God
Because popularity is always the best measure of validity...this brings up an interesting point which i will address after my gratuitous slandering comes to an end.
Do you have any idea where you're going? -God
Worm food is my final destination, I can only hope that someday my component particles will be part of your daughter's abortion and that my last breath will carry a speck of dust into your eye.
Don't make me come down there. –God
PLEASE DO. I am not strong enough to smite every hypocrite off the face of this fucking planet. God could do a lot of good down here. First, solving all of people's problems would be nice, terraforming venus and mars for us and allowing everyone to flourish and be free of the torture, mutilation and persecution visited upon us through all of history. Of course we would have to ask why he let not one but dozens of holocausts happen. And then we could end the debate on whether or not 'god' really said all these cheesy ass expressions or if they are just MARKETING for the faith. Christ that sickens me.
The church marquees aren't much better and they are far to numerous to mention, I will however include some examples before smashing the idea behind them to little pieces of quark plasma.
"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1"
"Under same management for over 2000 years"
"Soul food served here"
"Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"
"You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving"
"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sabbath!"
"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church"
"We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rocks"
"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!"
"Come early for a good Back-seat"
"Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What's yours?"
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due"
"A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash"
"Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!"
"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary"
"Delay is preferable to error"
"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees"
"What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?"
"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow"
"The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday"
"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive"
"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams"
"May is God's apology for February"
"To belittle is to be little"
"Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you"
"God answers knee mail"
"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back"
Wow, there is more than just a little bit of wit tucked away in these gems of sage like advice. There's a good bit of semi-corporate advertising tactic #1...Bullshit sells!
It's a pretty sorry state of affairs when eternal salvation actually has to come with a pitch like the showtime rotisserie oven with flavor injector. Last time I checked, the whole going to heaven thing was the collection of ginsu knives, not the bagel slicer they throw in for free (19.95 value)
With very few notable exceptions these aren't even good slogans. I fear and begrudge the day when someone who is business savvy enough to realize that they could make a fortune off the hopes and sadnesses of others. Oh wait, that happened say, several thousand years ago. This is shitty because at first the guys knew (and i bet it was males not females that kicked this into motion) they were full of shit but somehow things got lost and we end up with Gary the brickyard preacher telling my ex that she's a lesbian for having short hair.
Two recent examples make me smile because they are kind of funny.
Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in hell.
and
A dam holds water back. It's not my last name.
-God
But this is also a worrisome change. Eventually people become so enamored with the idea of turning religion into another service then it loses even more of its potency and actual value to the participants with no apparent lessening of nuisance value and nincompoopery to non-goers. Church shouldn't be boring, but its just another form of entertainment these days.
Now some will criticise my accusation of their idea of 'God' as being a pathetically short-sighted fountain of oppression and bigotry. But the crucial difference between them and me is that I am right, and they are wrong. They probably believe the opposite is true but they are wrong there also.
Now for a radical departure from that and the timely return to my comments on the billboard about the bible being the best seller of all time. It really is, the book has sold more copies than any other book ever. Good job, Christians. Of course that's taking the fact that the church ruled most of europe for say 1,000 years between the fall of the roman empire and the renaissance and it was practically the ONLY book being produced and reproduced. Popularity...when you come down even to art, science and literature it is almost always the worst measure of something's worth.
Implications of our government being founded on the collective mass of opinions swayed by corporate and governmental interests aside, this is a pretty steadfast statement. Ever heard the expression '26 million frenchmen can't be wrong?" I am going to have to call bullshit on that one.
6 billion+ people can be wrong. Everyone on the planet is wrong about at least one thing, and i don't doubt that there are some things that everyone is wrong about. Greg once asked if I thought that since the majority of people are religious they must all be wrong. And yeah I do, people are fucking idiots.
I don't mean all people, but when you consider the clear-headed types how many of your friends can you even include in that? Probably not many, and if you can than probably not yourself.
Is religion a giant mass delusion that has somehow infected all of human culture? I would say perhaps, the idea of religion does not bother me, it's the application that makes me grind my teeth in frustrated and often justified anger.
Why don't I just come right out and condemn the shit out of everyone to claim ownership to some sort of vision or rights that only a bonafide deity ought to? Umm, because of my own supposed superiority over my fellows. There isn't much biological difference between people biologically, but culturally we are some diverse sons of guns. One thing every person, and therefore every mind has in common is imperfection.
Consider the obvious, every living thing that moves needs energy to move, it also needs to detect usuable energy in its environment (hence, the purpose of moving at all). Every living thing that moves needs a brain, and things that don't move do not have brains. Now since everything with a brain needs energy, everything with a brain can be killed. If something has needs to sustain itself and the desire to stay alive it can be bought, coerced or tricked into doing something to satisfy whatever energy needs it may have.
Throw culture into that plane and you get the 3d mass of chaos that human history falls into. But if you've read Robinson Crusoe you can relate to this next point.
Stranded on a desert island, Robinson has to fight and salvage everything he can to survive. At some point he discovers that the easiest way to tame a goat is to let it starve for a few days then feed it. The animal will like you for feeding it. Guess what, people are animals and if you don't believe so just look at how Hitler came to power (by taming his people then harnassing their industrial skills and desire for revenge.) Religion works on the same basis for more of a cultural 'need.'
Damn it, I have strayed far off course. Ok, so it's a need, but religion isn't the only way to fill that need. Belonging, purpose, acceptance, all these things people want and need and in some cases will do anything to get them. What if we considered the pursuit of this fulfillment fundamentally evil?
Don't think its implausible, consider the other natural desires religion has tried to stuff into the evil box...sex, drunkeness, and curiosity are only a few. In fact, there is precedent to do just that. Rape is the terrible and unfortunate result of suppressing sexuality in men expected to follow with this degrading and vile practice. What is the result of suppressing fulfillment of belonging? Umm, school shootings, certain pearl jam videos, sarcasm en masse...there are many more.
Here's a radical concept though. What if more people followed my example and took the stance that if you weren't popular you wouldn't be much value as a person. Oh people claim not to, but any movie or show you watch is fucking loaded with cultural norms. If losers were really valueless, it would be ok to beat the fuck out of them, rape and pillage would be Aok.
And we do this! People have always kicked around their unders, just because they can or someone higher with a bigger boot kicks them around. The traditional model of good praises these people for their suffering and promises salvation 'after' life because they sure aren't going to find it in life.
Now, pardon my cynicism, but in this respect Religion is the ultimate boot to the fucking skull. Not only will it not help you raise your status, your happiness isn't even worthy of this world. You shouldn't seek it because you'll only be worth something when you're dead. What a criminal organization!
But I don't suppose you can be totally against religion in every form. Some people just need hope, or they grew up with it and its a comforting source of strength. And its not like people know if they are wrong or right, they just do what the believe. Now whether you are Atheist, Christian, Jewish or Muslim doesn't matter, people will almost always follow their emotions in spite of logic or reason.
posted by Seth # 3:47 PM
10.9.2003
This segment contains my most controversial post about church Marquees and how inane and utterly ridiculous they all are.
**********************************
So I am looking through some old stuff i've written and came across the beginning of a Short Story I started. Read it and let me know what you think. Its still in the 'alpha' stage so look at content not presentation.
Best Served Cold
Drawn out of hiding, the dagger hissed with deadly intent through the cool night air. The super-cooled form flashed naked into the moonless starlight and ended its abrupt mission in the neck of an evil man. Behind the blade stood a black-clad and miserable youth. At the other end a premier murderer was paralyzed with fear.
With all the finesse of a hung-over butcher, the youth cut off the index finger of his left glove and poked it inside the dying killer. A flicker of a smile darted across his lips as he plugged the steaming blood as it escaped. Overwhelming warmth enclosed on numb fingers as he shoved aside muscle and tendon until he touched larynx. The few droplets that managed to fall to earth were already frozen when they hit.
The boy slashed dispassionately through lower thighs and let gravity force his victim earthward. Now, incapable of flight or speech, S was already a dead man. Crouching ever so patiently, the boy hunched forward and whispered “Before I decided exactly how to kill you, I thought of removing your vocal chords and making an instrument to play, so you might speak again. But I decided something altogether more fitting for you.”
Holding the knife at arms length, both men watched it slowly and impossibly melting.
“No one will ever find this murder weapon my friend, it’s ice. Colder than Dante’s nightmare and sharper than Excalibur it disappears like a crysknife into plain old water.”
S simply gurgled in abject fury.
“Perhaps you know who I am, perhaps not. My name is Wyllder Heyling, and you stole someone very dear to me. Think back, about say nine months ago, way back in Washington. That girl, the blonde outside the courthouse, was my sister. What you don’t know is that I saw the security tapes of what you did to her, everything you did to her will be revisited on you tenfold.
S tried to wriggle away but only succeeded in cutting his hands and face on the frozen ground. Heyling looked on him with all the pity of scorched earth, no love lingered in his eyes.
“Total erasure of your existence is what my destiny seems to be. I don’t mind so much, cutting off a cancer like you is a service to humanity. Now, you just think about that until we get back to my place.”
With that he dragged S’s body onto a stretcher hidden by some trashcans and lashed him into immobility. Muffled screams went unheeded until Wyllder put an oxygen mask on him. Now he could safely ignore any whimpering and pleading. Before leaving, Wyllder blasted the bloody part of alley with steam and covered the ground with hasty handfuls of salt. After the skirmish the water reformed leaving no trace of the blood, the knife, or the tire tracks from Wyllder Heyling’s rental van.
posted by Seth # 4:31 PM
10.24.2003
Man, the highlight of my day so far has been getting out of my SOC 205 (jobs and work) test. This happened through no virtue of mine but in a crucial and catastrophic error by the teacher. He passed out the tests not realizing that the answers were bolded and stood out like hell. There were some admirable efforts to contain this info (and hence secure a 100% 100 grade distribution) but to many fucking retards snickered and giggled and he caught on.
Those dumb motherfuckers, now we have to take the test for real. Good thing its an easy class. My one regret is not keeping my copy so I’d have a badass study guide to go by but I was close to the door and he took mine back before I could bolt.
So I picked up some lil dino’s and my paycheck then headed to the LRL to kill some time before swimming. Food has to digest you know. And ironically that’s the topic of today’s entry. There is just one thing I have to say first.
Kim Getty, my adolescent psych teacher, is fucking hot and she was in the LRL today. Cue the slurpy noise following ‘fava beans and a nice chianti…’
Ok, so we talked in bio psych today about something that I have written about before and now learned that there is a biological precedent for it! Basically it involves the relationship between how we act based on what we desire and what desires have been fulfilled.
Any guy that’s boned a ho that he didn’t really like (except for her having a vagina and or a mouth) knows that sinking feeling afterwards of ‘ah fuck, now she’s gonna want to cuddle.’ It’s a bad feeling, because you really don’t care about the girl, you just wanted to bust a dirty nut in her hair.
This brings up an interesting point and another crucial aspect of the Grand Design. For your refreshment the Grand Design is just the skeleton of truths that make up the philosophy I go by for the most part. (Since I can’t know everything I have to be content with a good outline that can be filled in and modified easily)
Let’s call it ‘The Test.’ Specifically this is the test for affection. Pretend you’re a horny guy, or if you are a horny guy just muse along with this. There’s a girl you really like and really wanna be with or date or whatever…but how do you really know its real attraction or you’re just being a lonely bitch. Well, do the test.
Its very simple. Just follow the steps.
A: Think about the girl you like
B: Jerk Off
C: Reevaluate and see if she’s still kosher or not.
If so, give her a call and make a date, good luck. If not, keep her on a tight leash IN THE SPANK BANK but don’t let her out. There have been to many Kelly’s and Sara’s (ie one of each) to risk your time and money on sub par pussy.
But lets say affection prevails over testosterone…oh wait, it doesn’t. Moving on…
The test is genius because of its simplicity. If you just want a nicely shaped hole to dump cum in, then when sexually satisfied you have no further desire to pump up the jam, or the gas grill or whatever. Lets say you have a craving for chocolate, but maybe you’re just hungry. Eat something, if you still want chocolate then get some for desert. If not, then go do something else (like anything else.)
More over, the initial situation (viz post coital nausea) illustrates an important point of desire. Once satisfied, these cravings often seem vile and useless. Seinfeld talks about how upset you are when you get the bill ‘why am I buying all this food, I’m not hungry.’ Now you are sickened by the thought of eating, whereas before you couldn’t stop yourself from being the emperor of the table.
Maybe this means robots will find all human desires disgusting or base. Or perhaps this is why religion shuns all material things. I mean, God doesn’t need anything, so why shouldn’t he find giving in to temptation revolting. But then again the holocaust happened so lets not put anything past God.
On perhaps a stranger note this goes back to my biological precedent and the role of insulin. As we all know, insulin is what regulates getting glucose from the bloodstream to the cells. If we increase our insulin we get hungry and we also use and store more from our food. One of the criticisms people give for overweight types is that they’re lazy or something. Well with higher insulin levels eating the same amount will STILL MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT. Take THAT law of conservation of energy. Actually the law holds it’s just a matter of how much gets used and how much gets stored. Low insulin means glucose in the blood stream has a hard time getting either used or stored. Then, even eating more will not help you gain weight or feed your cells.
It does seem strange that such a thing would happen, eating the same and gaining weight. Though not really all that strange when you compare low insulin behavior and starving people behavior (they are very similar.)
Oh, and there is something else I have to address. If you saw the Matrix Reloaded you probably remember a line by agent smith that is something like ‘for without purpose, we would not exist.’
Now I can see how some people could take that many ways. Some would use it as an argument in favor of God. After all, if there is a creator then there is probably some purpose to the universe (maybe he just got bored?) However, someone abused the notion and tried to apply it to evolution and for that I must countermand the short sightedness of that comment.
Consider their point of view, things that evolve fulfill some purpose and therefore they would not exist unless that purpose is useful and helps the animal survive. True enough except for one crucial detail: Nothing in biology exists solely for one purpose alone.
Lets look at a bird first of all. What makes a bird a bird? Feathers, wings, hollow bones, eggs? Whatever your criteria, lets look at these adaptations and see just what purpose they serve.
Ok, feathers, that’s easy right? They help a bird fly…but not all birds fly! Why the hell does an ostrich need feathers? Oh, for temperature regulation. So that’s at least two purposes. Now how about peacocks, do all the gaudy feathers and crap make them tougher or smarter or more agile in any way? The answer is of course ‘hell no, they are there so the blinged out birds get laid and the drab ones don’t, no problem.
What about wings…ok, THOSE definitely help a bird fly. They definitely don’t help all birds fly though. What they can help with is lift. Even birds that don’t fly extend their wings to the side when they run. To what end? To make them lighter and therefore faster. More energy can be devoted to moving forwards rather than resisting gravity as we bound forward and sink down.
You can see where this is going. The problem with most people’s understanding about evolution is that animals have traits that have pluses and minuses according to their environment. Wings may help one bird fly in a calm area, but if its always windy then they probably won’t do so well. Being bigger or stronger carries similar consequences. If you’re huge, then you can be faster or stronger than everyone else and get more food. But if there’s a shortage and you need more food to survive then you are fucked.
So here’s a much better version of said statement. “Evolution gives us no purpose, only potential.” And that’s why people are at the top of every food chain. We are some cunning motherfuckers.
Just take a look at the human body, its not the fastest, strongest, most agile or best at really anything that’s purely physical. But couple a mediocre body with a stellar brain and you get a scary bunch of shaved apes stomping around the jungle with spears, and fire and music. The rest of the animals didn’t stand a chance.
Look at your hands! You evolved to fucking kill antelope and eat seeds, nuts, fruit and berries. And you’re communicating behind a flashing screen and typing with the same set of hands that other people cook, clean, fight, and use for every tool and purpose on the earth. Now giving something smart an empty hand with an opposable thumb is what I call adaptability! We can make purpose just as readily as we make bread.
posted by Seth # 10:48 AM
10.17.2003
So its been another long gap, almost a week in fact since my last entry. But rest assured I’ve not been so idle in the other areas of my life. In fact, the real writing project (aka the novel, Fair Coin) has been going splendidly. Chapters 1-15 are done! That’s more than the half of the story line that I’ve written. Add that to the near complete histories and the nonexistant side story and it averages to an idealistic place I call the draft halfway point.
It’s a fucking miracle that this has gotten done. I don’t wanna rant or rave about my own accomplishments but I’ll relate something I thought of during my writing marathon last night (meaning it added up to 26 miles of text.)
Ok it didn’t really add up to 26 miles...but maybe one or two at least.
If you’re familiar with the storyline at all you should understand this but if not I’ll give it some background. The protagonist (Maynard Cassidy, aka M) in chapter 14 just found out a girl that he loved and lost is taken by a whiny, conniving bootlick. Needless to say it’s a sickeningly autobiographical chapter of my life condensed into about a day of the book time.
I wonder first of all why I chose the story line I did.
The theme of course is a look into the danger of dark spaces and what goes on under the noses and behind the backs of ‘normal’ people. I could have chosen several ways to go about this or many conflicts for my characters to face. Beyond the little details I find the very edges of my idealogy sticking out into space.
Some chance to exercise my wit on paper is good, but there is more. Archetypes and figures of legend litter the landscape and nearly every character has some sort of piece of me to them. Is it some grandiose rationalization of my own internal struggles. It could almost work, the various extremes that composite my personality are illustrated so blatantly I shudder to think of how naked my mind’s workings will be should this ever be published.
But then I remember that subtlety is so easily lost on most people and outside my immediate friends the allusions and tone will be lost on them. Which made me ponder if its just a great big way of saying ‘hey, fuck you I wrote a book!’ to the world at large.
What if strangers read it!?
Holy crap that’s a sobering thought. And worse, what if they think I’m an asshole or hate everyone. Well fuck them then! Besides, apparently enough strangers talk shit for me to not be bothered by it. And if you’re reading this, have a negative opinion of me and haven’t actually met me consider this my justification for not liking you either.
The real point of this entry is to talk about dreams. Its one of those things that happen, dreaming that is, that people take for granted but no one really knows about.
Forgive my immediate dismissal of supernatural or metaphysical communication, cuz visions and prophecy can lick my left nut for all I care. Biologically there is a measureable difference between dreams that occur during sleep and REM sleep. REM sleep is the special sleep where your eyes flitter back and forth and brain activity is increased. Most dreams, but not all, occur during this part of the sleep cycle.
Why? God I wish I knew so I could write a book about it and retire with my thumb up my butt. But opinions vary. One such theory I think holds promise as a ‘part of the picture’ type situation.
Your cornea, a key feature of your eye, gets most of its oxygen from simple exposure to the air. Now when you sleep with eyes closed it can’t do that. This hypothesis supposes that the brain activity during REM sleep is just to make sure the eyes get enough oxygen to avoid corneal damage.
Its not a very sexy hypothesis, but it did give me an idea into what is perhaps a better (or closer to the truth) description. Consider the implications...your brain does not need to be as active as it is during REM sleep just to wiggle the eye around. Hell that could be a reflex if it was that important.
What do we do with our eyes during daytime. We see! Now since we remember visual data and sound primarily (basing this on its easier to picture someone you know then vividly recall a smell) this could be a clue. As we absorb information our eyes jump from point to point and analyze as they do. Perhaps there is something going on in our brains that REM is just a symptom of.
Consider this analogy. If you were going to predict where the curve of a function was going to intersect a line at a certain point you have two options. One, you could plot out every point the curve will follow until you reach the intercept. Or, you could bust that into an equation and arrive at the correct answer without all that tedium between. The difference between these two methods is important to remember. Consider the first animation, and the second calculation.
Now stick this into the mix. When you are awake and thinking your mind jumps violently around for past data and insight. Images, sights, sounds, smells and tastes are all easily recalled and messages remembered and sent to their appropriate response activators. Think of imagining cake and see if the mouth waters. Now a lot of the data being kicked around is sensory and motor and very little is actually devoted to memory.
I hope I haven’t lost you, but here goes the punchline. When sleeping the brain has mechanisms which manipulate data and help sort things into long term memory. Not just regular long term memory, but ultra long term memory. Think of defragging your hard drive. You’d do it overnight when you don’t need processing power for seeing or moving around or watching porn yes? Same thing with the brain, its just taking advantage of the inactivity to do whatever the hell its doing.
I suspect some kind of organization process is going on. Consider the content of dreams. Some are longer, more vivid and more realistic than others. Many are involved with recent or current events mixed with stuff from the past and outright strange instances. If true, and the brain is trying to better organize your ideas on the matter then dreams could be when leaks or misfires occur. Every library misplaces things or stuff gets lost and stolen, why not the biological one inside your brain?
The reduction in brain activity could be interpreted as less activity. It seems obvious, less = less. But maybe not. Perhaps when we are awake there is a general heightened level of response to the environment. Just as a car idles whether its being driven or not, the brain has to keep running. Now when you’re asleep it stands to reason you only need the involuntary functions to keep you breathing and whatnot since you aren’t moving and doing very little sensory processing.
I wish I knew how much you should be using to see, think and all that jazz of being awake so I could subtract it from a relaxed state. If I got less than REM sleep’s value we would have good evidence that the brain is doing something fun that it doesn’t do normally when we’re awake.
Or maybe its God talking to you.
posted by Seth # 12:00 PM
10.11.2003
It occurred to me today that I have long neglected a topic I need to light on in my weblog. This topic? All the fucking religious billboards, advertisements and church marquees strewn about Concord like so many pungee sticks dipped in human fecal matter.
First things first, ahem. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO SPEAK FOR YOUR GOD YOU ARROGANT PSUEDO CHRISTIAN FUCKS.
Here are some repulsive examples. I will address the most heinous among them.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God
Translation: Jesus has to compete with football.
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
Indoctrination and fun for the whole family!
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
They apparently didn't catch the whole 'don't take the lord's name in vain thing.
We need to talk. -God
Shut up God.
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
Some witty little christian (and I do not capitalize for fear of lumping them into an actual religious group) actually thinks this is funny and clever. What a low brow jackass.
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
Cuz you know, sex with your wife is supposed to be a threesome with God. So, since Jesus is a man, its really OK to be gay or bi.
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing ... I meant it. -God
What if she's ugly, then can she just be a friend?
I love you and you and you and you and ... -God
Thanks God.
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God
Will anything get our hedonist asses into heaven? That's a good question, its like the whole 'a rich man may enter heaven but its as difficult as threading a camel through the eye of a needle. We're a relatively rich country in terms of consumption and overt spending, so does that mean we're screwed. And also, does the translation mean 'camel' as in the big animal with infamous toes or 'camel' as in thick twine. Also, since both would be impossible with a modern thread needle...can we make a fat needle, thread a piece of twine through it and be guaranteed a place in eternal bliss? Or do we have to make one big enough to shove a camel's ass through it?
Follow me. -God
But don't look at anything else, ask directions, check a map, stop to piss or consider going somewhere else. Do bring everyone with you though, whether they want to or not.
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God
The only joke here is that people laugh at that statement and are so blind to their ignorance its makes me shriek with horrified laughter.
My way is the highway. -God
So there is tar in heaven? Thanks david cross.
Need directions? -God
Shouldn't all the ones that are phrased as questions be kind of suspect...i mean, God knows if he exists...lets not belittle his/her/its intelligence.
You think it's hot here? -God
Threats, that's GOOD psychology there. Nice try Jerry Falwell.
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God
Because popularity is always the best measure of validity...this brings up an interesting point which i will address after my gratuitous slandering comes to an end.
Do you have any idea where you're going? -God
Worm food is my final destination, I can only hope that someday my component particles will be part of your daughter's abortion and that my last breath will carry a speck of dust into your eye.
Don't make me come down there. –God
PLEASE DO. I am not strong enough to smite every hypocrite off the face of this fucking planet. God could do a lot of good down here. First, solving all of people's problems would be nice, terraforming venus and mars for us and allowing everyone to flourish and be free of the torture, mutilation and persecution visited upon us through all of history. Of course we would have to ask why he let not one but dozens of holocausts happen. And then we could end the debate on whether or not 'god' really said all these cheesy ass expressions or if they are just MARKETING for the faith. Christ that sickens me.
The church marquees aren't much better and they are far to numerous to mention, I will however include some examples before smashing the idea behind them to little pieces of quark plasma.
"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1"
"Under same management for over 2000 years"
"Soul food served here"
"Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"
"You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving"
"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sabbath!"
"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church"
"We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rocks"
"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!"
"Come early for a good Back-seat"
"Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What's yours?"
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due"
"A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash"
"Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!"
"Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary"
"Delay is preferable to error"
"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees"
"What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?"
"A clear conscience makes a soft pillow"
"The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday"
"Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive"
"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams"
"May is God's apology for February"
"To belittle is to be little"
"Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you"
"God answers knee mail"
"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back"
Wow, there is more than just a little bit of wit tucked away in these gems of sage like advice. There's a good bit of semi-corporate advertising tactic #1...Bullshit sells!
It's a pretty sorry state of affairs when eternal salvation actually has to come with a pitch like the showtime rotisserie oven with flavor injector. Last time I checked, the whole going to heaven thing was the collection of ginsu knives, not the bagel slicer they throw in for free (19.95 value)
With very few notable exceptions these aren't even good slogans. I fear and begrudge the day when someone who is business savvy enough to realize that they could make a fortune off the hopes and sadnesses of others. Oh wait, that happened say, several thousand years ago. This is shitty because at first the guys knew (and i bet it was males not females that kicked this into motion) they were full of shit but somehow things got lost and we end up with Gary the brickyard preacher telling my ex that she's a lesbian for having short hair.
Two recent examples make me smile because they are kind of funny.
Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in hell.
and
A dam holds water back. It's not my last name.
-God
But this is also a worrisome change. Eventually people become so enamored with the idea of turning religion into another service then it loses even more of its potency and actual value to the participants with no apparent lessening of nuisance value and nincompoopery to non-goers. Church shouldn't be boring, but its just another form of entertainment these days.
Now some will criticise my accusation of their idea of 'God' as being a pathetically short-sighted fountain of oppression and bigotry. But the crucial difference between them and me is that I am right, and they are wrong. They probably believe the opposite is true but they are wrong there also.
Now for a radical departure from that and the timely return to my comments on the billboard about the bible being the best seller of all time. It really is, the book has sold more copies than any other book ever. Good job, Christians. Of course that's taking the fact that the church ruled most of europe for say 1,000 years between the fall of the roman empire and the renaissance and it was practically the ONLY book being produced and reproduced. Popularity...when you come down even to art, science and literature it is almost always the worst measure of something's worth.
Implications of our government being founded on the collective mass of opinions swayed by corporate and governmental interests aside, this is a pretty steadfast statement. Ever heard the expression '26 million frenchmen can't be wrong?" I am going to have to call bullshit on that one.
6 billion+ people can be wrong. Everyone on the planet is wrong about at least one thing, and i don't doubt that there are some things that everyone is wrong about. Greg once asked if I thought that since the majority of people are religious they must all be wrong. And yeah I do, people are fucking idiots.
I don't mean all people, but when you consider the clear-headed types how many of your friends can you even include in that? Probably not many, and if you can than probably not yourself.
Is religion a giant mass delusion that has somehow infected all of human culture? I would say perhaps, the idea of religion does not bother me, it's the application that makes me grind my teeth in frustrated and often justified anger.
Why don't I just come right out and condemn the shit out of everyone to claim ownership to some sort of vision or rights that only a bonafide deity ought to? Umm, because of my own supposed superiority over my fellows. There isn't much biological difference between people biologically, but culturally we are some diverse sons of guns. One thing every person, and therefore every mind has in common is imperfection.
Consider the obvious, every living thing that moves needs energy to move, it also needs to detect usuable energy in its environment (hence, the purpose of moving at all). Every living thing that moves needs a brain, and things that don't move do not have brains. Now since everything with a brain needs energy, everything with a brain can be killed. If something has needs to sustain itself and the desire to stay alive it can be bought, coerced or tricked into doing something to satisfy whatever energy needs it may have.
Throw culture into that plane and you get the 3d mass of chaos that human history falls into. But if you've read Robinson Crusoe you can relate to this next point.
Stranded on a desert island, Robinson has to fight and salvage everything he can to survive. At some point he discovers that the easiest way to tame a goat is to let it starve for a few days then feed it. The animal will like you for feeding it. Guess what, people are animals and if you don't believe so just look at how Hitler came to power (by taming his people then harnassing their industrial skills and desire for revenge.) Religion works on the same basis for more of a cultural 'need.'
Damn it, I have strayed far off course. Ok, so it's a need, but religion isn't the only way to fill that need. Belonging, purpose, acceptance, all these things people want and need and in some cases will do anything to get them. What if we considered the pursuit of this fulfillment fundamentally evil?
Don't think its implausible, consider the other natural desires religion has tried to stuff into the evil box...sex, drunkeness, and curiosity are only a few. In fact, there is precedent to do just that. Rape is the terrible and unfortunate result of suppressing sexuality in men expected to follow with this degrading and vile practice. What is the result of suppressing fulfillment of belonging? Umm, school shootings, certain pearl jam videos, sarcasm en masse...there are many more.
Here's a radical concept though. What if more people followed my example and took the stance that if you weren't popular you wouldn't be much value as a person. Oh people claim not to, but any movie or show you watch is fucking loaded with cultural norms. If losers were really valueless, it would be ok to beat the fuck out of them, rape and pillage would be Aok.
And we do this! People have always kicked around their unders, just because they can or someone higher with a bigger boot kicks them around. The traditional model of good praises these people for their suffering and promises salvation 'after' life because they sure aren't going to find it in life.
Now, pardon my cynicism, but in this respect Religion is the ultimate boot to the fucking skull. Not only will it not help you raise your status, your happiness isn't even worthy of this world. You shouldn't seek it because you'll only be worth something when you're dead. What a criminal organization!
But I don't suppose you can be totally against religion in every form. Some people just need hope, or they grew up with it and its a comforting source of strength. And its not like people know if they are wrong or right, they just do what the believe. Now whether you are Atheist, Christian, Jewish or Muslim doesn't matter, people will almost always follow their emotions in spite of logic or reason.
posted by Seth # 3:47 PM
10.9.2003
Blog resurrection, Part VII
Tired yet? Its hard to believe at one point I actually hand typed all this drek when now even just copying and pasting into a text file to kill the busted old HTML and repasting then bolding the dates is sucking me dry.
Heigh-ho, we carry on until the job is done.
***********************************
Before I go to sleep I have to make a last minute addition. No i'm not gonna gripe about how much my paper sucked tonight, bit I am gonna slam something home.
Every live and dead journal has little 'current mood' and 'song of the moment' shit. So I am gonna lay out my evening's tone via that example. From like 9 pm - 1 am
Current Mood: Intense physical pain.
Song of the moment: Rollin's Band - Liar
Quote of the day: "YOU LIARS, WHY DON'T YOU STOP LYING" from the Southpark 'butter's episode'
What kind of pie are you? The kind that could put a fist through plate glass without flinching.
Oh and I would just like to add that the pink toothbrush in my bathroom has been shoved up a chinese guy's butt for comic value.
It was good to talk to the brothers though. Now enough of this shit, i'm going to sleep.
posted by Seth # 10:13 PM
Well fuck my ass. I had already typed a good page before accidentally clicking a link and it didn't open a new window, it fucking ICED my last post.
Ironically though, it fits fairly well with what i was writing about. I'll attempt to resurrect the gist of it now. Common courtesy is the topic, it was brought up with Rice last night in a talk about life and whatnot.
Personnally I don't give a damn about rules for rules' sake. Every authority should have some kind of qualification or it just becomes stupid to obey... if someone is just as qualified or LESS than you, fuck that, do it yourself. Rules are necessary but not every rule serves the purpose it is intended to.
Consider Kosher laws. At the time when they were written it was VERY important to make sure you weren't going to accidentally poison or toxify your meals. But how to convince people...make it something God wants them to do! Its genius when you think about it. Maybe D.A.R.E. would have worked a little better if we'd had a holy mandate attached to it.
And some rules do not serve their purposes directly but are established so that one behavior is prevented and consequently so is another. Like making adultery a sin. True its horribly emotionally damaging to the other person...but it also cuts down on illegitimate children. By extension, not allowing premarital sex keeps the teen pregnancy rate down. Though it begs the question, is the rule really against teen sex or teen pregnancy?
The point I am about to drive home is that rules, despite their good intentions, are largely cumbersome and stupid roundabout ways of trying to solve problems that wouldn't exist under ideal situations. The most practical often apply to simple matters and the body of them sums up what we call 'common courtesy.'
Why should we fight with anyone in our own family? The family should be a unit of support in which everyone takes care of everyone else in some respect. Why should we hate anyone in our community? The community is just a collection of families and if everyone got along then we'd all be better off. Ok, you're smart enough to extend this all the way out to the whole planet. The answer to all these why's is of course competition.
Everyone needs and uses a certain amount of energy and consequently not everyone gets what all they need and want. This leads to friction and the overarching crumminess of human existence. But we shouldn't be so shortsighted or self-centered to just ignore one simple fact. Lots of people can take what not as many people have. So UNITE!! and steal the rest of the world for US, the USA.
Or toss the world aside and steal your neighbor's VCR, thats just as good i'm sure.
This friction does exist however, rather than lamenting it or blaming some flaw in the human soul to wallow in pity about i'm going to suggest a radical solution. TRY BEING NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE, not all the time, but certain things should be the norm that aren't. And when people start ignoring these good standards then all hell breaks loose.
Consider the american habit of calling Shotgun. Everyone knows that every group of people has their own rules and customs. Some barbarians say you have to see the car, or just have to be on the way to the car...but those are stupid suggestions because they have no clearcut way of deciding whether someone has a valid call or not. Stick to reason people, just be outside, unless you parked in a deck (that counts as outside, so does a garage)
Another good example, one held true by myself and the brothers, is seat surrender protocol. The scenario is this: several people are sitting in a room, usually watching TV or playing a videogame. One person, for whatever reason (note the PC use of 'person') has to get up and get a drink/take a piss. Now the cavemen probably just took the seat (or his woman as it were). But we are civilized people, and civilized people call 'fives' or 'common courtesy' to allow them temporary leave without someone sniping their chair.
This is a case where it is in your interest to obey among your closest friends or people you're living with. Why? Because it goes both ways. Yeah you can't get the good recliner every time, but when you do you won't have to suffer through an episode of Macguyver because you have to pee and can't get up without losing it. Let's face it, the forms must be obeyed.
But people are just not concerned about shit like this. Why? Well possibly because on the road or on a big asses college campus there aren't enough people to merit being nice. Why be nice when you can get away with being mean and the person you screwed isn't going to be there twice? Its sad people think that way, but they do.
Its also pathetic how rare manners are these days. And I don't mean tableside behaviour either, i eat anything with fingers that i'm capable of. I mean, like letting the occasional car turn in front of you, or holding a door for a few extra seconds. Two amusing examples should highlight the depth of this apathy.
First, just the other day I was returning to the apartment. Three fairly attractive girls were bringing in like 23 bags of groceries to the second floor and could not manage an 18 pack of water bottles. So the girl carrying it set it down on the stairs and they left it. I won't lie that I was tempted to sneak off with it just because that'd be pretty damned funny. But I decided to a do a good deed and carry it up for them.
Me: Hey, do you need some help with this?
Girl1: umm if you could get the water that'd be great
Me: Sure no problem
Girls: you're so nice...thank you so much...
Shameful, that even pretty girls aren't being catered to in a chivalrous manner. That just goes against common sense.
The second example of common courtesy's death happened last semester. I am walking towards my nutrition class in williams hall. There is a girl about 20 feet in front of me, and a guy with a broken leg on crutches maybe 4 feet behind me. As the girl reaches the door, she opens it, notices the guy on crutches and makes the motion that she's going to hold the door for him. However, after about 3 seconds she changes her mind and lets the door shut, right in my face. Chagrined but not surprised (it was a girl after all) I stop and hold the door for the dude on crutches. We make some cracks about how impatient people can be. Now behind us, there is a step up that the crutch dude has trouble negotiating, people are piling up. Maybe 5 seconds pass before he gets inside and people are already tapping their feet and checking watches and shit. Holy crap, how impatient! Worse, before even I can make it in, some other little asian girl jumps in front of me and shoulders her way past the guy on crutches.
All these people need to pause and remember one thing. Their lives just aren't important enough to merit being in such a hurry all the time.
posted by Seth # 5:24 PM
9.20.2003
The following was inspirated by the indelible and indigestible Marcus Minimus Dickus of the Eckert province of Caucasia.
Ah criticism, barely a week and my fledgling online diary is being treated like diarhhea. If you don't like it, click somewhere else...here's a fun place where i'm sure you'll find much more entertaining crap.
But as I sit, sunburned from a day at the football game and sweating from my 99 pushups this evening I feel i should comment on critics. Lets start with the football game, its a fresh piece of reality just waiting to be analogized. We had seats in the backass of hell's lofty asshole today. Nosebleed? HA! Try the pulmonary adema section, christ it was easier hiking mountains in colorado than getting up to our seats.
Oh well.
Now I am not an expert in football or football related matters, but I can enjoy a sporting event or live execution as much as the next guy. As bereft of school spirit and nationalism as I am, there is an undeniable thrill at seeing a player from your team tackle the other guy and slide on him for about 6 yards into your own sidelines. I mean face it, that's a small step down from feeding christians to lions.
What I cannot fathom are these old, burned out chuckle heads screaming like freaks at plays that are going on almost half a mile away. More than that, they presume to yell suggestions as to what the player is doing wrong. Reality check dipshits, they are on the field, and your ass is in mountain goat territory. If you were that knowledgeable about the game you'd be on the sideline with 'coach' tatooed on your forehead or something to that effect.
I mean, what a bunch of assholes. I seriously pity these types, but not as much as I do their kids. Can you imagine the vicarious living situation with a dad like that? Holy crap, I am thanking my lucky stars the worst dad ever pushed me into sports was when I learned to do butterfly *the swimming stroke, sex position comes later at eleven* at six years old and was forever recruited to do beverly hills swim club swimming until I was 17.
There's some grain of kuh-nah-ledge tucked away there folks. If you're into football so damned much, get some of your old timey friends and start a company league or chase a bunch of kids and their big F'in dog out of a sandlot and just duke it out fight club style but with a pigskin instead of fisticuffs.
*********************(this is the end of inspiration from Mark****************
Oh, and there's been a revelation today that calls to mind another sort of criticism. Strange how finding out a little detail can change your opinion of someone you formerly cared about. I mean, just a little thing like making out with a bitch and people start losing their minds.
That's actually quite clever up there in that last paragraph. Why? Because I am not the one that made out with some bitch, i'm the fucker losing my fucking mind. But not entirely, I still have my little purple pills and my confidence grows under a single condition I am attending like a freezing man blowing at the embers of an infant fire: Every day I grow stronger.
Should I limit this growth? Well to the degree that I must also do school and work, but eventually where will I apex? Probably not to where I once was during my late high school years, but somewhere between then and my weakest is good.
The balance of this question becomes apparent when you look at the opposite sides of where my physical and mental states have taken me. Then we look at the opposite extremes as personified by recent neighbors and see the folly in reaching out to either side of the spectrum. Lets start with the extreme physical.
Stuckey, the name calls to mind a guy that walked around constantly shirtless and constantly retarded. Sadly there was a time when I resembled this former suitemate of mine in unfounded confidence and stupid flaunting. No one likes a muscle head, especially when you aren't even intimidating enough to develop an austrian accent. But the other side of extreme muscle fails as well.
Charles is proof of this. When you devote yourself totally to mental resource building and intellectual exercise you lose something. And not just muscle tissue, but confidence wanes as well. This may not generalize to others, but to me its an inverse relationship. Gain confidence, lose judgement. Gain mental enlightenment at the expense of physical self, lose mad confidence. Now if you'll look closely at this you see a big problem that reeks of the very essence of human existence.
Confidence influences your ability to impose yourself on others around you...yet in order to maintain this you exclude the benefit of sagely advice. Try to think to much and your forsake the very ability to act on what you can decide. In other words...a balance between knowing what to do and being able to kick yourself into doing it depends on both mental and physical status. Sound eerily familiar? Yeah, I just wrote about 'Presence Theory' the other day...just scroll down for more. (its a ways down there, i bet you can find it though)
posted by Seth # 8:40 PM
9.19.2003
*********************************
Something new before the swim today.
Some people, republicans notably, believe in allowing a certain state of social anarchy. Namely, that each person should stand on what they can earn without any help and assistance from or obligation to their fellow countrymen. This means lower taxes and lower amounts of social services.
But freedom cannot exist in every form without some standards of order.
In a perfect world, travel would be determined only by your means of conveyance and departure time. With the current road system one or even a few people could get by simply and without the need for traffic lights or rules. However, there are not just one or 10 drivers on the roads there are fucking millions of them.
Obviously this stresses the system and certain standards help alleviate the utter chaos that would occur if left to human nature. Wrecks, stoppages and horrible inefficiency would be pretty common. Lack of support and regulation would leave countless wrecks on the road sides to be abandoned and then scavenged or simply left to rot.
If I may make a strong parallel to current economics, consider the employment situation in America. We have a state in which housing cannot be purchased or leased simply by working a minimum wage job. Worse, local government (in raleigh anyways) is striving to limit the number of non-related people living together thus blocking an alternative to sleeping in one's car or a substandard structure. The justification is classic though, we don't like the way poor people are making raleigh look because it embarrasses us.
Yay for democracy though.
I mean, come on now, i'm sure that one of the richest and most developed countries in the world can come up with a decent solution to figure out what to do with all the unemployed people (and without resorting to genocide). If nothing else, take some of the ungodly sums we spend on defense and just pay people to do...well, anything. Give people a sense of purpose and something they can live on.
Though soon most people's jobs will be replaced by robots anyways. So maybe its just a matter of time, alas. Now, off to the pool.
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posted by Seth # 11:14 AM
Not much in the way of current philosophical details, so i'll just outline a current longstanding belief of how the universe tends to work.
Its called 'presence theory.'
This, as far as I know, is not a codified philosophy or even qualifying as a way of life. Machiavelli is pretty close but lacks certain crucial aspects that make it a distinct theory.
On the one hand there is information theory. Basically, an organism's success depends largely not on simple animal instincts, but by keen detection and location skills. Consider migratory birds and insects. They cannot survive in one climate during part of the year, so instead of being evolved into something that can, they just go elsewhere. Its brilliant. Monkeys aren't much better off than squirrels and even then they can't claw or run nearly as fast. But they have color vision (squirrels do not and are incredibly wasteful as a result) and incredible coordination that allows them to better climb, swing and find food.
But intellect isn't everything. During WWII the german's had better tanks, better planes, to a large extent better generals and officership and a huge F'in army. But they still lost. Why? Well there are 3452654653465 reasons but here is a big one. Germans designed weapons of war to be perfect, absolutely unstoppable creations. The tiger and panzer tanks were far superior, just as the messerschmidts could terrorize the british and american airplanes. We on the other hand built to about 90%. Sure we didn't have tanks that could handle as much punishment or deal the same amount of damage, but we had three times as many of them. No, the key to Allied victory was in pure industry and awesome cryptography and intelligence.
There's a lesson to be learned there. Superior technology can succumb to sheer numbers, and intelligence (as far as knowing where, what and how to deal with things are) can make all the difference.
So while one can usurp the other, the best solution is to know how to defeat your enemy or solve a problem and to have the means to do it. Presence is the combined result of having working technical or logistical knowledge (like expertise in metal working) as well as the means of acting on that knowledge (like having arc welders and steel lathes).
Real world application is fairly straightforward.
Consider any problem you can have. Lets try...smoking. If you're addicted to smoking, and want to quit, what is the best way to do it. Strategy: What are you capable of? If you can handle cold turkey, then go for that. But most people aren't. So you look at how long you can deal without cigarettes before giving in.
Even knowing this, exactly what the best method is requires data. Data in this case is personal preference, level of addiction and all that mess. However, knowing the best solution may not help at all because of cost or availability of what you need. Thats when the means aspect comes into play.
Getting the means can be a simple matter of cost, or a difficult process only made available with a strong component of info. Its a pretty simple concept once you understand it, explaining seems to be more difficult than i imagined.
posted by Seth # 10:59 AM
9.17.2003
This is rare midday entry mediated by an attempt to restabilize my life. So I need to focus my thoughts real quick before launching myself into this project. The source of instability is of course recent trauma with the girlfriend. Now to meet any threat or attack there are two options 1) Dull the attackers teeth or 2) toughen your own hide.
Now normally I am against simple armor. After all, its much easier to teach little kids to look both ways before crossing the street than making kids car proof. So I am going for the hybrid solution, one that will allow me to better anticipate and resist difficult emotional periods. In a word, Melange.
If you're unfamiliar with Dune (then SHAME ON YOU) Melange is a substance only found in the deep deserts of a single planet. Its called 'the spice' but is actually a potent narcotic that adds vitality and extends life many times over what normal humans can sustain. Pretty strange for a drug to actually lengthen and improve life when every other narcotic worsens and shortens it.
But this isn't a literal seeking, the stuff does not exist in physical form at all, but there is a mental precedent that has all the qualities of this miraculous spice. In a word: Confidence.
Consider, quality of life is basically determined to a degree by your physical comforts but more so on the outlook. We have more than enough essentials to deal with for the rest of our lives but people are so stuck on satisfying their needs. Well that's fine and good if not for the fact that desire is infinite and goods are certainly not.
Rather than satisfy myself with drugs or extrinsic pleasures, a lessening of needs is my course. But how can one do this, doesn't it feel like defeat when you are denied something? Yes? Well maybe, but sacrifice in the short term can lead to great things later on. So I seek confidence to fill the gaps of unchecked desire. Intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic, rewards are much better motivators than punishments...so my answers are simply laid out before me.
Gain confidence! This for me at least is a simple matter. There are cases where meeting a single desire can be a good or even better substitute for other pleasures. For most guys part, just having a girlfriend makes it ok to have less money time and sanity. Or perhaps a better way of looking at it is that when you have a girlfriend (or whatever your key desire is) things are more pleasurable in general.
Such trust is dangerous, leaving your happiness at the mercy of another person? That's lunacy in my book. Its also somewhat unavoidable but can be circumvented for the most part. If you have confidence, then you don't need a lot of other crap, it just depends on how you get it. Getting confidence from dressing nice will not make wearing shabby clothes no big deal because you depend on it. However, someone that frets over their weight might compensate by dressing nicely and removing the dependence on fitness in favor of style.
Ah, this is the addiction aspect however. And all drugs are in some form addictive, never forget that no matter how small the thing may seem. Your source of confidence is something that must be maintained at all costs. Else, you lose it and slip back into a shitty spot. For me, confidence is having an outward appearence that matches my personality and brain power.
When I could afford to swim 5 hours a day this was no problem, i was in damn good shape, but my brain was fucked as a result. (Its interesting to note that physical exercise drains me mentally and my stint with religion and idealism was strongest during the height of my physical exertions) So a balance must be met. Else why extend life if you hate it, or why increase quality if it decreases your time on earth. Eh?
Well thats a tough question and you're certainly not going to find it hanging out with a bunch of half-asses or at the bottom of your beer glass. Its within, not without. You've merely got to reach out, snatch ahold of your ideal and wring it from the reality around you. In theory you could just trick yourself into thinking you're a good person. Hell, everyone already does, but to the point where it has no firm roots in reality. Thats a problem I face, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. And being skeptical about everything includes my own strengths...but also my own weaknesses.
So, having laid it down and said my piece its time for relevant action. Action potential that I cannot yet reach in my current state is just waiting to be strengthened and released just as my muscles are beginning to learn the long road ahead of them. And these words on the screen only exercise the fingers.
posted by Seth # 10:32 AM
9.16.2003
So my relationships never seem to work out, this past one being no new exception. Maybe its due to my unconventional approach to dating, or more likely that my personality is psychomagnetic. This I discussed with Jodie tonight after our futile attempt to crack open the stupidity coming up on the Research Psych test.
It occurs to me now that this blog is in a serious state of potential failure. What the hell can I really write about if not the stupid trivial shit that's choking the whole world's bandwidth and tripping off guilt and voyeuristic centers in adolescent central cortexes the whole country over? Maybe ranting, but that will get old. So musing will have to do, not that anyone reads this.
If nothing else this could prove useful in a limited sense, like talking to yourself. My theory about outlooks goes something like this right hyeah: In normal operation the brain is aware of the world without, reacting based on instinct and learning on a semiconscious level that allows us to get through the bulk of life without realizing what a dull crazy and fucked up planet this is. But there is also the introspection mode, when you examine your own self. Not just what you're thinking either, you can analyze desires or feelings towards things and decide stances on controversy all within the confines of your brain.
Still with me? Well thats just the first part of the picture. See, if there's one thing I learned in my 4 or so years of psych its that interaction is the key to dealing with people, learning and making yourself known. It all goes back to the grand design and my presence theory. For now content yourself with the notion that the mind can also be geared towards the outside world in an active sense of interaction with the environment. Completing the punnett's square is the inner sort of interaction. And there the possibilites multiply.
Self conversation is not the same as introspection. Why? Well consider the difference between listening to a conversation and participating. You can learn from both, but if you converse yourself you can direct the content, alter opinions and steer ideas around. Not always for the better, but it should always have some affect on what is said and what is learned. So why not talking to yourself? It seems pretty relevant. But there is only one brain to deal with, how can you get more out of the same thing?
Maybe you can't, but then again maybe you can. I think you can based on my own experience of trying to break down problems. Just thinking about math or verbal problems usually works, but in the case of stickier stuff like emotional issues or how you 'feel' about something it's better to have a second opinion. Kind of like the devil and angel that pop up on your shoulders, but its YOUR angel and your devil. They are you and you are them, or however you decide on it. For me the device best suited to dual thinking involves the sensitive and passive person vs the absolute practical and super selfish aspect of the brain.
Obviously it varies, but in dealing with girls...sometimes you just need someone to tell you its a fucking lost cause and you need to just break the fuck out or stand on your own principles. Pride can be nurtured by either side, but any time you have a thought like 'man I really want to be with this person' you should follow with a 'but what do you really want from them.' This is for uncertainty mainly, because you can't always evaluate your friends and lovers on a constant basis.
Mmmm, on an unrelated note the book is becoming more and more of a real thing lately. All my chapter summaries are finally done for the three storylines and the book as a whole has a very coherent sense in my head. Now only 300 more pages to type and I am DONE!! Well then editing like a motherfucker takes over, but you get me.
Next on the agenda is my philisophical comment of the day. I sometimes waver between the whole being nice to strangers and cutting people out of the pack that get in my way. Today I have decided my motto towards common courtesy will be geared towards the sharper of the two types. "I walk in straight lines." Its a pretty deceptively simple statement, but here comes a long winded explanation of my justification.
First, it occurred to me seeing a little skinny kid shoulder his way through two guys that probably added up to 3 or more of him and run into the bathroom to take what sounded like a well-deserved piss. Now, I have had a class with this kid so I know at least a bit of the background. He was shy as hell, could barely talk to girls and I am pretty sure I scared him (not on purpose, he was just an uppity guy). Now, when he had to piss, he turned into a tiger and did what he had to do to get his way. Kind of like being backed into a corner, but with more of a chance to ruin your shorts.
So necessity breeds courage or temporary audacity. But how often is it an actually day to day part of someone's character? From riding the bus, shopping and various other qualities I can hazard that its rare in most circumstances. Example: Someone gets up on the bus and there are several people standing up, who gets that seat first? This is kind of cloudy because i'm sure like other guys I personnally would rather give the seat to a girl then be a bastard and take it. But just the way people organize themselves into lines and orders. Or at the store when a register opens who jumps at the chance, or in traffic people being really bold when its the last moment and they just GOTTA get over.
Mentat Computation: People will allow themselves to be cut in front of, overlooked or shoved to the side when they are not in some kind of stress or hurry greater than normal conditions present.
Lesson: You can walk on the grass and 9 times out of 10 no one will say shit to you. So walk in a straight line, and odds are slight that someone will call you out on being assertive even aggressive. Also, just be warned that this rule can be exempted by people whose job it is to mete out punishment (like those motherfuckers in transportation) because they've been desensitized to ruining someone else's day.
Wait, what the fuck does this have to do with your relationships? I'm getting to that assmunch. (an example of self conversation)
So the norm has apparently been my unintentional stepping on Bunn's grass and not being yelled at because of typical circumstance. However, with the increased stress of work and another insidious force soon to be addressed I have been pissing her off lately. But everyone's been pissy lately.
Ok, another factor, and some may argue that this is part of the 'stress and necessity' but I don't. Individual differences vary on a permanent, semi permanent and temporary basis. The biggest temporary difference in my significant other has been the combination of a semi-permanent change thrown together with a recent revelation.
Consider having a source of unswerving praise. No matter what you did or said or thought is deemed correct by this person or persons. This negatively affects your judgement, and yes i can prove this too. Well, i consider it proof but I shun anecdotal evidence, so you may not give a shit.
A former roomate of mine (Mike Hughes) made me aware of a problem that plagues people everywhere. This problem? People that laugh too easily. Both Mike and his friend Tom would go into hysterical fits of laughing whenever I made the slightest attempt at humor. I mean, comments that should have gotten a grin or at best a chuckle were psychotically amusing to these two. Sound nice? Well it wasn't to me.
The affects of such people are the following...1) People that aren't funny think they are, thus encouraging them to make stupid ass jokes that crack up retards and the like while genuine humor goes unappreciated or is not realized as better or even good. 2) People that are funny get accustomed to constant laughter. This is so bad because then you don't get your conditioning from people laughing at everything you say, leading to both resentment and decline in joke quality owing to less performance pressure.
What can we draw from this observation? Well first that it is bad for everyone because it inflicts artificial conceit onto people that don't deserve getting shitty jokes crammed down their throats. It lowers joke quality because it reduces confidence in previously funny jokers, sometimes but not always.
Anyone with half a sense of humor knows the gritting frustration of stupidity prevailing in a social setting due to the lowered standards of a particular group. An ex of mine (KELLY) is a prime example of this. People that didn't know shit told her she was funny and as a consequence we all had to deal with her stealing slang and trying to act cool with pitiable displays of fake arrogance and weakly disguised complement fishing under the auspices of 'self deprecating humor.' Self defecation would have been better than her shit.
The only solution to this problem is a harsh one, but one that must be addressed and applied without fail. Punish the wicked. (I could write it a hundred times but I won't.)
If we keep letting people get away with this shit they aren't going to stop or learn of their own accord. This relates to the very core of humanity (ie not just reacting simply but with articulate reasoning as well). This is not a laughing matter either. Dogs don't house train themselves (here comes a dual lesson from a single metaphor, it'll switch viewpoints so don't get confused) So, if you can, shit all over the place! However, don't expect the dog to start crapping outside if you just grumble and clean it up. SHOVE THE NOSE SHITWARD, punish the wicked and the good shall thrive.
So the grand combination of these...whatever, i Kind of lost myself. But that's life I guess, its pretty f'in complicated. I guess the moral of the day is to do what you can when you can and punish the wicked whenever possible to discourage their negative and sometimes evil effects on society and your social health. This is a good idea, and your children won't thank you for it, but it'll help them also.
posted by Seth # 8:27 PM
9.14.2003
This is actually my second attempt at publicizing my private thoughts. The first was for History of American Tech. which i took this summer at NC State. OH WAIT THIS IS TERRIBLY EXCITING.
I'll move on.
Typical posts should include one relevant fact or recollection of the day and one or more philosophical musings (and don't worry, i'll never inflict a 'what if god's a woman' or 'is nature more important than nurture' on you) So here goes, and format will vary according to my merest whims, so don't be surprised.
First, the story. Ok, for those of you that don't know I work as a Student Patrol Officer (forever SPO henceforth) and that means I walk around at night for 7 or 8 hours at a time. Increasingly, this fairly small detail has been affecting my personal life elsewhere in somewhat obscure and random ways. Example, a few weeks ago I attended a film festival with a friend from UNCCH. We parked in such a way that my car and the restaurant were on opposite diagonal sides of one city block. Now, the distance seemed short and easy for me, but Kristina (the friend) claimed it was 'way down there.' What kind of conclusion can I draw from this...perhaps you could consider the bias inherent due to differences in habit and occupation. On another note your could examine the oddity of measuring distance linearly when we clearly cannot walk diagonally through a building to get to our destination and how that affects our entire cultural and social outlook on the universe.
Or you could follow logic thoroughly to the result that I concluded "Women are clearly weaker and more apt to complain about trivial hardships."
Now, I know that was a pretty deep observation, but the real philisophical part is right here. It begins in the pool, and doesn't end in a hottub full of naked women and champagne.
Still water is the medium through which I temporarily reversed the most obvious of my physical flaws. There was a time when I would swim for 3 or 4 hours at a time, on 5 or more days of the week. No arrogance intended but i was fucking good. Not on an absolute scale, I always got wrecked at state and regional events, but considering i had no coach and no one to force me to go but myself.
That kind of ruthless self-improvement fell by the wayside after the february in 2000. After states i had only placed 11th in the state and wasn't going to swim in college. I had no motivation, nothing to keep me going and so i retreated from the water onto dry land. It was not only the time and desire to win that pushed me, but also a kind of idealism I can no longer imagine myself maintaining.
But that is all backdrop, the meat of it goes back to what I began with, the concept of still water. If you know much about swimming you know that people do not get injured by swimming. Not in the actual act, swimmers are all the time breaking their shoulders and stuff. Its always in the gym, or from trying to lift weights, but never in the water. For a present comparison, when I went swimming saturday (as i do from time to time) I tried to sprint a single lap of butterfly. The first length went smoothly and for a brief moment the power and grace of my past were right there with me. If you have swam this stroke before you know that it is more exhausting than ANYTHING (and I have wrestled before, they are pretty close) and I could not maintain my pace through the duration.
Performance wise it was pretty sad, but unlike trying to push myself by running faster or throwing some more weight on the bar I simply slowed down. No horrible wrenching dislocations or snapping tendons...just a soft wall of water keeping me from the wall. I was pissed at first, but then grateful. Water is good for that, it absorbs mechanical and heat energy incredibly efficiently. Two years of laps and every fit of angst or disappointed rage just got swallowed up and I was just fine.
But water is the gentlest knife as well as cushion. A tiny trickle of water carved the relatively monstrous grand canyon, it carved away 55 lbs of fat on me. Time time time, is the only issue, given time water cuts through anything. Its just a matter of flow and duration.
So, the relevance between the two posts is the consolidation of the past lessons learned and present demands on time. Consolidate what though? My thoughts turn not only to the considerable time I have spent in college focusing on the mental equivalent of 20 hours of exercise per week (studying or reading for the same amount or most times longer.) But either is pretty lame without the other.
The sharpest vision wouldn't help a weakling in a fight, nor would the strongest muscles on a blind man...so obviously some kind of balance is the best option. And so, that's my first post. I'm going to do something more interesting now.
posted by Seth # 7:40 PM
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Searching for subtlety...
So everyone else has a stupid live/dead journal or some kind of weblog... but they all suck, and mine will be a grandiose departure from the norm. I think, so you don't have to. Email me if you feel the urge to comment or something. (seth.keipper@gmail.com)
10.28.2003
I have often wondered, based on the inevitable heart wrenching failure of every single one of my romantic relationships, just what it is that brings people together. Recent events with a certain ex and certain others have made this a relevant enough topic to stick it in the blog of life.
First consider something with me. On the one hand I don’t believe that just liking someone a whole bunch merits them liking you back. People tend to abuse that sort of devotion (see Dan and Natalie for examples) whether they realize it or not. That is wrong, you shouldn’t mislead of misuse people just because you can. Unless they deserve it, then punish them as is right and fitting.
So there has to be something more. What should we call this...chemistry, attraction, animal magnetism, disguised lust? There are many things actually, but in every case there is something more than just affection that goes along with it. Some people need security, some people need someone greater than them to feel better about themself and some just need a punching bag to fuck around on. I am sure, in a culture without arranged marriages anyways, that there are many things people need. But a partner is the fundamental unit.
I look back at my own ‘partners’ and try and see exactly why we dated and how things got together. Natalie and Bunn quickly emerged as the only two ‘real’ girlfriends. Keep in mind this isn’t an evaluation based on guilt of who I’ve dated, they were just the only two with any depth of emotional attachment. Now that kicks 5 out for many and various reasons, but what about the girls that I have liked but not dated for whatever reason.
Consider a few. Actually we’re only looking at three for my example’s sake. The first is Jenny Wade.
Jenny has already been mentioned as a figure of legend. She’s your typical blonde haired, blue eyed angel next door. Yes she’s hot, yes she’s a nice person (if you’re on her good side) and yes I really wanted to date her for a long ass time. She was one of those people that was good and make you feel better just because you know they’re a nicer person than you. But she never treated me like someone she’d be happy with. Hence, we did not date. If you’ll make a quick note that is a pretty fucking strong archetype for girls that I tend to like but not end up with. You’ll see Robin Hunter and Jennifer Ever pop up there also.
Now I wonder, and Mike and I have long discussed this, is it more important to like the person for being cool in general or for treating you well. Its not quite as pointless to argue this as it is for nature versus nurture. I say that because I have an example of each that doesn’t fly.
Amber Weant, aka Ambuh Lee, is prime for the ‘good person’ question. Most, if not almost everyone would agree that she’s another pure piece of southern joy and purity. But I wouldn’t be happy with her for a second. But why, she’s nice, and if she treated me well shouldn’t that make her somehow worthy of liking back just as much?
I hesitate to naysay but it really doesn’t...strange, but we’ll come back to this.
The next example would be someone that likes me but that is not a good person or cool or even worth the air in her lungs. We can all imagine another fun big rant about Kelly now, but I’m not gonna give it. Instead I am going to talk about a slut from high school named Kristen. This dirty slut had a funny idea about life and dating.
On the one hand she wanted chase goodman’s nuts. On the other she let me fondle her in exchange for compliments (you’ll have to use your imagination, but that about sums it up)
Now pause for a second as I try to explain...I at no time wanted her to be my girlfriend. At first I thought she liked me but just not enough (as is usually the case) but it turns out she was just fucking around with me. However the merest realization that she was just dicking me around made me laugh because knowing that I could manipulate things to where she thought she was affecting me...but wasn’t! It was a masterful bunch of social maneuvering on my part and if I ever write a book on Machiavellian dating tactics that’ll be chapter one.
The point is, even when I thought she was into me and treated me better than most girls I didn’t give a fuck. So maybe niether matter or its just the interaction of coolness and coolness towards you. Or maybe the whole notion is a chimaera that I have been chasing in the wrong direction.
A recent email from Helen sparked a new and much better hypothesis. Every fucking person wants something different and whoever they date affect that and whoever they have or haven’t dated in the past affects that.
It’s a classic physics equation. You have two bodies (you and the other person) each person has a past (we’ll call this their velocity) and a personality (this will be location.) Now as any decent physics student could tell you there is no fucking way to discern the exact location and velocity of any particle in the whole universe. This is the heisenberg uncertainty principle. Now the heisenberg uncertainty principle of dating is that you can never, ever learn everything about someone’s past and personality.
It just ain’t gonna happen.
You can’t find out about someone’s past without becoming part of it yourself, and any attempt to measure personality will also affect it. So there’s no way to get a flawless picture of someone without being able to take the entire intereaction between you, your pasts and your present personalities into account. Worse, and this is no conceptual problem, there is the matter of external forces. You cannot ignore gravity or air resistance in real life any more than you can ignore the rest of the world in terms of dating someone.
Lets look at a few confounding variables...other people, where you live, economic concerns, appearance, health, family, government, war, aliens, pop culture, crime, disease, drugs...you can see how this is evolving. Its just impossible to tell, the only way is to just fucking guess.
Luckily the brain is uniquely equipped for this. Consider trying to write a computer program for compatibility based on an evolving relationship...it would be a fucking undertaking. But then again, would it be more difficult to describe the act of throwing a ball at something or just picking it up and giving it a toss? Mmm, so that’s what relationships are. Fundamentally there has got to be an objective bunch of little truths that you can sum up into a relationship. Its just much easier to give it a toss and see what you can hit. Too bad missing sucks communist nuts.
posted by Seth # 9:14 PM
10.26.2003
Heigh-ho, we carry on until the job is done.
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Before I go to sleep I have to make a last minute addition. No i'm not gonna gripe about how much my paper sucked tonight, bit I am gonna slam something home.
Every live and dead journal has little 'current mood' and 'song of the moment' shit. So I am gonna lay out my evening's tone via that example. From like 9 pm - 1 am
Current Mood: Intense physical pain.
Song of the moment: Rollin's Band - Liar
Quote of the day: "YOU LIARS, WHY DON'T YOU STOP LYING" from the Southpark 'butter's episode'
What kind of pie are you? The kind that could put a fist through plate glass without flinching.
Oh and I would just like to add that the pink toothbrush in my bathroom has been shoved up a chinese guy's butt for comic value.
It was good to talk to the brothers though. Now enough of this shit, i'm going to sleep.
posted by Seth # 10:13 PM
Well fuck my ass. I had already typed a good page before accidentally clicking a link and it didn't open a new window, it fucking ICED my last post.
Ironically though, it fits fairly well with what i was writing about. I'll attempt to resurrect the gist of it now. Common courtesy is the topic, it was brought up with Rice last night in a talk about life and whatnot.
Personnally I don't give a damn about rules for rules' sake. Every authority should have some kind of qualification or it just becomes stupid to obey... if someone is just as qualified or LESS than you, fuck that, do it yourself. Rules are necessary but not every rule serves the purpose it is intended to.
Consider Kosher laws. At the time when they were written it was VERY important to make sure you weren't going to accidentally poison or toxify your meals. But how to convince people...make it something God wants them to do! Its genius when you think about it. Maybe D.A.R.E. would have worked a little better if we'd had a holy mandate attached to it.
And some rules do not serve their purposes directly but are established so that one behavior is prevented and consequently so is another. Like making adultery a sin. True its horribly emotionally damaging to the other person...but it also cuts down on illegitimate children. By extension, not allowing premarital sex keeps the teen pregnancy rate down. Though it begs the question, is the rule really against teen sex or teen pregnancy?
The point I am about to drive home is that rules, despite their good intentions, are largely cumbersome and stupid roundabout ways of trying to solve problems that wouldn't exist under ideal situations. The most practical often apply to simple matters and the body of them sums up what we call 'common courtesy.'
Why should we fight with anyone in our own family? The family should be a unit of support in which everyone takes care of everyone else in some respect. Why should we hate anyone in our community? The community is just a collection of families and if everyone got along then we'd all be better off. Ok, you're smart enough to extend this all the way out to the whole planet. The answer to all these why's is of course competition.
Everyone needs and uses a certain amount of energy and consequently not everyone gets what all they need and want. This leads to friction and the overarching crumminess of human existence. But we shouldn't be so shortsighted or self-centered to just ignore one simple fact. Lots of people can take what not as many people have. So UNITE!! and steal the rest of the world for US, the USA.
Or toss the world aside and steal your neighbor's VCR, thats just as good i'm sure.
This friction does exist however, rather than lamenting it or blaming some flaw in the human soul to wallow in pity about i'm going to suggest a radical solution. TRY BEING NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE, not all the time, but certain things should be the norm that aren't. And when people start ignoring these good standards then all hell breaks loose.
Consider the american habit of calling Shotgun. Everyone knows that every group of people has their own rules and customs. Some barbarians say you have to see the car, or just have to be on the way to the car...but those are stupid suggestions because they have no clearcut way of deciding whether someone has a valid call or not. Stick to reason people, just be outside, unless you parked in a deck (that counts as outside, so does a garage)
Another good example, one held true by myself and the brothers, is seat surrender protocol. The scenario is this: several people are sitting in a room, usually watching TV or playing a videogame. One person, for whatever reason (note the PC use of 'person') has to get up and get a drink/take a piss. Now the cavemen probably just took the seat (or his woman as it were). But we are civilized people, and civilized people call 'fives' or 'common courtesy' to allow them temporary leave without someone sniping their chair.
This is a case where it is in your interest to obey among your closest friends or people you're living with. Why? Because it goes both ways. Yeah you can't get the good recliner every time, but when you do you won't have to suffer through an episode of Macguyver because you have to pee and can't get up without losing it. Let's face it, the forms must be obeyed.
But people are just not concerned about shit like this. Why? Well possibly because on the road or on a big asses college campus there aren't enough people to merit being nice. Why be nice when you can get away with being mean and the person you screwed isn't going to be there twice? Its sad people think that way, but they do.
Its also pathetic how rare manners are these days. And I don't mean tableside behaviour either, i eat anything with fingers that i'm capable of. I mean, like letting the occasional car turn in front of you, or holding a door for a few extra seconds. Two amusing examples should highlight the depth of this apathy.
First, just the other day I was returning to the apartment. Three fairly attractive girls were bringing in like 23 bags of groceries to the second floor and could not manage an 18 pack of water bottles. So the girl carrying it set it down on the stairs and they left it. I won't lie that I was tempted to sneak off with it just because that'd be pretty damned funny. But I decided to a do a good deed and carry it up for them.
Me: Hey, do you need some help with this?
Girl1: umm if you could get the water that'd be great
Me: Sure no problem
Girls: you're so nice...thank you so much...
Shameful, that even pretty girls aren't being catered to in a chivalrous manner. That just goes against common sense.
The second example of common courtesy's death happened last semester. I am walking towards my nutrition class in williams hall. There is a girl about 20 feet in front of me, and a guy with a broken leg on crutches maybe 4 feet behind me. As the girl reaches the door, she opens it, notices the guy on crutches and makes the motion that she's going to hold the door for him. However, after about 3 seconds she changes her mind and lets the door shut, right in my face. Chagrined but not surprised (it was a girl after all) I stop and hold the door for the dude on crutches. We make some cracks about how impatient people can be. Now behind us, there is a step up that the crutch dude has trouble negotiating, people are piling up. Maybe 5 seconds pass before he gets inside and people are already tapping their feet and checking watches and shit. Holy crap, how impatient! Worse, before even I can make it in, some other little asian girl jumps in front of me and shoulders her way past the guy on crutches.
All these people need to pause and remember one thing. Their lives just aren't important enough to merit being in such a hurry all the time.
posted by Seth # 5:24 PM
9.20.2003
The following was inspirated by the indelible and indigestible Marcus Minimus Dickus of the Eckert province of Caucasia.
Ah criticism, barely a week and my fledgling online diary is being treated like diarhhea. If you don't like it, click somewhere else...here's a fun place where i'm sure you'll find much more entertaining crap.
But as I sit, sunburned from a day at the football game and sweating from my 99 pushups this evening I feel i should comment on critics. Lets start with the football game, its a fresh piece of reality just waiting to be analogized. We had seats in the backass of hell's lofty asshole today. Nosebleed? HA! Try the pulmonary adema section, christ it was easier hiking mountains in colorado than getting up to our seats.
Oh well.
Now I am not an expert in football or football related matters, but I can enjoy a sporting event or live execution as much as the next guy. As bereft of school spirit and nationalism as I am, there is an undeniable thrill at seeing a player from your team tackle the other guy and slide on him for about 6 yards into your own sidelines. I mean face it, that's a small step down from feeding christians to lions.
What I cannot fathom are these old, burned out chuckle heads screaming like freaks at plays that are going on almost half a mile away. More than that, they presume to yell suggestions as to what the player is doing wrong. Reality check dipshits, they are on the field, and your ass is in mountain goat territory. If you were that knowledgeable about the game you'd be on the sideline with 'coach' tatooed on your forehead or something to that effect.
I mean, what a bunch of assholes. I seriously pity these types, but not as much as I do their kids. Can you imagine the vicarious living situation with a dad like that? Holy crap, I am thanking my lucky stars the worst dad ever pushed me into sports was when I learned to do butterfly *the swimming stroke, sex position comes later at eleven* at six years old and was forever recruited to do beverly hills swim club swimming until I was 17.
There's some grain of kuh-nah-ledge tucked away there folks. If you're into football so damned much, get some of your old timey friends and start a company league or chase a bunch of kids and their big F'in dog out of a sandlot and just duke it out fight club style but with a pigskin instead of fisticuffs.
*********************(this is the end of inspiration from Mark****************
Oh, and there's been a revelation today that calls to mind another sort of criticism. Strange how finding out a little detail can change your opinion of someone you formerly cared about. I mean, just a little thing like making out with a bitch and people start losing their minds.
That's actually quite clever up there in that last paragraph. Why? Because I am not the one that made out with some bitch, i'm the fucker losing my fucking mind. But not entirely, I still have my little purple pills and my confidence grows under a single condition I am attending like a freezing man blowing at the embers of an infant fire: Every day I grow stronger.
Should I limit this growth? Well to the degree that I must also do school and work, but eventually where will I apex? Probably not to where I once was during my late high school years, but somewhere between then and my weakest is good.
The balance of this question becomes apparent when you look at the opposite sides of where my physical and mental states have taken me. Then we look at the opposite extremes as personified by recent neighbors and see the folly in reaching out to either side of the spectrum. Lets start with the extreme physical.
Stuckey, the name calls to mind a guy that walked around constantly shirtless and constantly retarded. Sadly there was a time when I resembled this former suitemate of mine in unfounded confidence and stupid flaunting. No one likes a muscle head, especially when you aren't even intimidating enough to develop an austrian accent. But the other side of extreme muscle fails as well.
Charles is proof of this. When you devote yourself totally to mental resource building and intellectual exercise you lose something. And not just muscle tissue, but confidence wanes as well. This may not generalize to others, but to me its an inverse relationship. Gain confidence, lose judgement. Gain mental enlightenment at the expense of physical self, lose mad confidence. Now if you'll look closely at this you see a big problem that reeks of the very essence of human existence.
Confidence influences your ability to impose yourself on others around you...yet in order to maintain this you exclude the benefit of sagely advice. Try to think to much and your forsake the very ability to act on what you can decide. In other words...a balance between knowing what to do and being able to kick yourself into doing it depends on both mental and physical status. Sound eerily familiar? Yeah, I just wrote about 'Presence Theory' the other day...just scroll down for more. (its a ways down there, i bet you can find it though)
posted by Seth # 8:40 PM
9.19.2003
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Something new before the swim today.
Some people, republicans notably, believe in allowing a certain state of social anarchy. Namely, that each person should stand on what they can earn without any help and assistance from or obligation to their fellow countrymen. This means lower taxes and lower amounts of social services.
But freedom cannot exist in every form without some standards of order.
In a perfect world, travel would be determined only by your means of conveyance and departure time. With the current road system one or even a few people could get by simply and without the need for traffic lights or rules. However, there are not just one or 10 drivers on the roads there are fucking millions of them.
Obviously this stresses the system and certain standards help alleviate the utter chaos that would occur if left to human nature. Wrecks, stoppages and horrible inefficiency would be pretty common. Lack of support and regulation would leave countless wrecks on the road sides to be abandoned and then scavenged or simply left to rot.
If I may make a strong parallel to current economics, consider the employment situation in America. We have a state in which housing cannot be purchased or leased simply by working a minimum wage job. Worse, local government (in raleigh anyways) is striving to limit the number of non-related people living together thus blocking an alternative to sleeping in one's car or a substandard structure. The justification is classic though, we don't like the way poor people are making raleigh look because it embarrasses us.
Yay for democracy though.
I mean, come on now, i'm sure that one of the richest and most developed countries in the world can come up with a decent solution to figure out what to do with all the unemployed people (and without resorting to genocide). If nothing else, take some of the ungodly sums we spend on defense and just pay people to do...well, anything. Give people a sense of purpose and something they can live on.
Though soon most people's jobs will be replaced by robots anyways. So maybe its just a matter of time, alas. Now, off to the pool.
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posted by Seth # 11:14 AM
Not much in the way of current philosophical details, so i'll just outline a current longstanding belief of how the universe tends to work.
Its called 'presence theory.'
This, as far as I know, is not a codified philosophy or even qualifying as a way of life. Machiavelli is pretty close but lacks certain crucial aspects that make it a distinct theory.
On the one hand there is information theory. Basically, an organism's success depends largely not on simple animal instincts, but by keen detection and location skills. Consider migratory birds and insects. They cannot survive in one climate during part of the year, so instead of being evolved into something that can, they just go elsewhere. Its brilliant. Monkeys aren't much better off than squirrels and even then they can't claw or run nearly as fast. But they have color vision (squirrels do not and are incredibly wasteful as a result) and incredible coordination that allows them to better climb, swing and find food.
But intellect isn't everything. During WWII the german's had better tanks, better planes, to a large extent better generals and officership and a huge F'in army. But they still lost. Why? Well there are 3452654653465 reasons but here is a big one. Germans designed weapons of war to be perfect, absolutely unstoppable creations. The tiger and panzer tanks were far superior, just as the messerschmidts could terrorize the british and american airplanes. We on the other hand built to about 90%. Sure we didn't have tanks that could handle as much punishment or deal the same amount of damage, but we had three times as many of them. No, the key to Allied victory was in pure industry and awesome cryptography and intelligence.
There's a lesson to be learned there. Superior technology can succumb to sheer numbers, and intelligence (as far as knowing where, what and how to deal with things are) can make all the difference.
So while one can usurp the other, the best solution is to know how to defeat your enemy or solve a problem and to have the means to do it. Presence is the combined result of having working technical or logistical knowledge (like expertise in metal working) as well as the means of acting on that knowledge (like having arc welders and steel lathes).
Real world application is fairly straightforward.
Consider any problem you can have. Lets try...smoking. If you're addicted to smoking, and want to quit, what is the best way to do it. Strategy: What are you capable of? If you can handle cold turkey, then go for that. But most people aren't. So you look at how long you can deal without cigarettes before giving in.
Even knowing this, exactly what the best method is requires data. Data in this case is personal preference, level of addiction and all that mess. However, knowing the best solution may not help at all because of cost or availability of what you need. Thats when the means aspect comes into play.
Getting the means can be a simple matter of cost, or a difficult process only made available with a strong component of info. Its a pretty simple concept once you understand it, explaining seems to be more difficult than i imagined.
posted by Seth # 10:59 AM
9.17.2003
This is rare midday entry mediated by an attempt to restabilize my life. So I need to focus my thoughts real quick before launching myself into this project. The source of instability is of course recent trauma with the girlfriend. Now to meet any threat or attack there are two options 1) Dull the attackers teeth or 2) toughen your own hide.
Now normally I am against simple armor. After all, its much easier to teach little kids to look both ways before crossing the street than making kids car proof. So I am going for the hybrid solution, one that will allow me to better anticipate and resist difficult emotional periods. In a word, Melange.
If you're unfamiliar with Dune (then SHAME ON YOU) Melange is a substance only found in the deep deserts of a single planet. Its called 'the spice' but is actually a potent narcotic that adds vitality and extends life many times over what normal humans can sustain. Pretty strange for a drug to actually lengthen and improve life when every other narcotic worsens and shortens it.
But this isn't a literal seeking, the stuff does not exist in physical form at all, but there is a mental precedent that has all the qualities of this miraculous spice. In a word: Confidence.
Consider, quality of life is basically determined to a degree by your physical comforts but more so on the outlook. We have more than enough essentials to deal with for the rest of our lives but people are so stuck on satisfying their needs. Well that's fine and good if not for the fact that desire is infinite and goods are certainly not.
Rather than satisfy myself with drugs or extrinsic pleasures, a lessening of needs is my course. But how can one do this, doesn't it feel like defeat when you are denied something? Yes? Well maybe, but sacrifice in the short term can lead to great things later on. So I seek confidence to fill the gaps of unchecked desire. Intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic, rewards are much better motivators than punishments...so my answers are simply laid out before me.
Gain confidence! This for me at least is a simple matter. There are cases where meeting a single desire can be a good or even better substitute for other pleasures. For most guys part, just having a girlfriend makes it ok to have less money time and sanity. Or perhaps a better way of looking at it is that when you have a girlfriend (or whatever your key desire is) things are more pleasurable in general.
Such trust is dangerous, leaving your happiness at the mercy of another person? That's lunacy in my book. Its also somewhat unavoidable but can be circumvented for the most part. If you have confidence, then you don't need a lot of other crap, it just depends on how you get it. Getting confidence from dressing nice will not make wearing shabby clothes no big deal because you depend on it. However, someone that frets over their weight might compensate by dressing nicely and removing the dependence on fitness in favor of style.
Ah, this is the addiction aspect however. And all drugs are in some form addictive, never forget that no matter how small the thing may seem. Your source of confidence is something that must be maintained at all costs. Else, you lose it and slip back into a shitty spot. For me, confidence is having an outward appearence that matches my personality and brain power.
When I could afford to swim 5 hours a day this was no problem, i was in damn good shape, but my brain was fucked as a result. (Its interesting to note that physical exercise drains me mentally and my stint with religion and idealism was strongest during the height of my physical exertions) So a balance must be met. Else why extend life if you hate it, or why increase quality if it decreases your time on earth. Eh?
Well thats a tough question and you're certainly not going to find it hanging out with a bunch of half-asses or at the bottom of your beer glass. Its within, not without. You've merely got to reach out, snatch ahold of your ideal and wring it from the reality around you. In theory you could just trick yourself into thinking you're a good person. Hell, everyone already does, but to the point where it has no firm roots in reality. Thats a problem I face, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. And being skeptical about everything includes my own strengths...but also my own weaknesses.
So, having laid it down and said my piece its time for relevant action. Action potential that I cannot yet reach in my current state is just waiting to be strengthened and released just as my muscles are beginning to learn the long road ahead of them. And these words on the screen only exercise the fingers.
posted by Seth # 10:32 AM
9.16.2003
So my relationships never seem to work out, this past one being no new exception. Maybe its due to my unconventional approach to dating, or more likely that my personality is psychomagnetic. This I discussed with Jodie tonight after our futile attempt to crack open the stupidity coming up on the Research Psych test.
It occurs to me now that this blog is in a serious state of potential failure. What the hell can I really write about if not the stupid trivial shit that's choking the whole world's bandwidth and tripping off guilt and voyeuristic centers in adolescent central cortexes the whole country over? Maybe ranting, but that will get old. So musing will have to do, not that anyone reads this.
If nothing else this could prove useful in a limited sense, like talking to yourself. My theory about outlooks goes something like this right hyeah: In normal operation the brain is aware of the world without, reacting based on instinct and learning on a semiconscious level that allows us to get through the bulk of life without realizing what a dull crazy and fucked up planet this is. But there is also the introspection mode, when you examine your own self. Not just what you're thinking either, you can analyze desires or feelings towards things and decide stances on controversy all within the confines of your brain.
Still with me? Well thats just the first part of the picture. See, if there's one thing I learned in my 4 or so years of psych its that interaction is the key to dealing with people, learning and making yourself known. It all goes back to the grand design and my presence theory. For now content yourself with the notion that the mind can also be geared towards the outside world in an active sense of interaction with the environment. Completing the punnett's square is the inner sort of interaction. And there the possibilites multiply.
Self conversation is not the same as introspection. Why? Well consider the difference between listening to a conversation and participating. You can learn from both, but if you converse yourself you can direct the content, alter opinions and steer ideas around. Not always for the better, but it should always have some affect on what is said and what is learned. So why not talking to yourself? It seems pretty relevant. But there is only one brain to deal with, how can you get more out of the same thing?
Maybe you can't, but then again maybe you can. I think you can based on my own experience of trying to break down problems. Just thinking about math or verbal problems usually works, but in the case of stickier stuff like emotional issues or how you 'feel' about something it's better to have a second opinion. Kind of like the devil and angel that pop up on your shoulders, but its YOUR angel and your devil. They are you and you are them, or however you decide on it. For me the device best suited to dual thinking involves the sensitive and passive person vs the absolute practical and super selfish aspect of the brain.
Obviously it varies, but in dealing with girls...sometimes you just need someone to tell you its a fucking lost cause and you need to just break the fuck out or stand on your own principles. Pride can be nurtured by either side, but any time you have a thought like 'man I really want to be with this person' you should follow with a 'but what do you really want from them.' This is for uncertainty mainly, because you can't always evaluate your friends and lovers on a constant basis.
Mmmm, on an unrelated note the book is becoming more and more of a real thing lately. All my chapter summaries are finally done for the three storylines and the book as a whole has a very coherent sense in my head. Now only 300 more pages to type and I am DONE!! Well then editing like a motherfucker takes over, but you get me.
Next on the agenda is my philisophical comment of the day. I sometimes waver between the whole being nice to strangers and cutting people out of the pack that get in my way. Today I have decided my motto towards common courtesy will be geared towards the sharper of the two types. "I walk in straight lines." Its a pretty deceptively simple statement, but here comes a long winded explanation of my justification.
First, it occurred to me seeing a little skinny kid shoulder his way through two guys that probably added up to 3 or more of him and run into the bathroom to take what sounded like a well-deserved piss. Now, I have had a class with this kid so I know at least a bit of the background. He was shy as hell, could barely talk to girls and I am pretty sure I scared him (not on purpose, he was just an uppity guy). Now, when he had to piss, he turned into a tiger and did what he had to do to get his way. Kind of like being backed into a corner, but with more of a chance to ruin your shorts.
So necessity breeds courage or temporary audacity. But how often is it an actually day to day part of someone's character? From riding the bus, shopping and various other qualities I can hazard that its rare in most circumstances. Example: Someone gets up on the bus and there are several people standing up, who gets that seat first? This is kind of cloudy because i'm sure like other guys I personnally would rather give the seat to a girl then be a bastard and take it. But just the way people organize themselves into lines and orders. Or at the store when a register opens who jumps at the chance, or in traffic people being really bold when its the last moment and they just GOTTA get over.
Mentat Computation: People will allow themselves to be cut in front of, overlooked or shoved to the side when they are not in some kind of stress or hurry greater than normal conditions present.
Lesson: You can walk on the grass and 9 times out of 10 no one will say shit to you. So walk in a straight line, and odds are slight that someone will call you out on being assertive even aggressive. Also, just be warned that this rule can be exempted by people whose job it is to mete out punishment (like those motherfuckers in transportation) because they've been desensitized to ruining someone else's day.
Wait, what the fuck does this have to do with your relationships? I'm getting to that assmunch. (an example of self conversation)
So the norm has apparently been my unintentional stepping on Bunn's grass and not being yelled at because of typical circumstance. However, with the increased stress of work and another insidious force soon to be addressed I have been pissing her off lately. But everyone's been pissy lately.
Ok, another factor, and some may argue that this is part of the 'stress and necessity' but I don't. Individual differences vary on a permanent, semi permanent and temporary basis. The biggest temporary difference in my significant other has been the combination of a semi-permanent change thrown together with a recent revelation.
Consider having a source of unswerving praise. No matter what you did or said or thought is deemed correct by this person or persons. This negatively affects your judgement, and yes i can prove this too. Well, i consider it proof but I shun anecdotal evidence, so you may not give a shit.
A former roomate of mine (Mike Hughes) made me aware of a problem that plagues people everywhere. This problem? People that laugh too easily. Both Mike and his friend Tom would go into hysterical fits of laughing whenever I made the slightest attempt at humor. I mean, comments that should have gotten a grin or at best a chuckle were psychotically amusing to these two. Sound nice? Well it wasn't to me.
The affects of such people are the following...1) People that aren't funny think they are, thus encouraging them to make stupid ass jokes that crack up retards and the like while genuine humor goes unappreciated or is not realized as better or even good. 2) People that are funny get accustomed to constant laughter. This is so bad because then you don't get your conditioning from people laughing at everything you say, leading to both resentment and decline in joke quality owing to less performance pressure.
What can we draw from this observation? Well first that it is bad for everyone because it inflicts artificial conceit onto people that don't deserve getting shitty jokes crammed down their throats. It lowers joke quality because it reduces confidence in previously funny jokers, sometimes but not always.
Anyone with half a sense of humor knows the gritting frustration of stupidity prevailing in a social setting due to the lowered standards of a particular group. An ex of mine (KELLY) is a prime example of this. People that didn't know shit told her she was funny and as a consequence we all had to deal with her stealing slang and trying to act cool with pitiable displays of fake arrogance and weakly disguised complement fishing under the auspices of 'self deprecating humor.' Self defecation would have been better than her shit.
The only solution to this problem is a harsh one, but one that must be addressed and applied without fail. Punish the wicked. (I could write it a hundred times but I won't.)
If we keep letting people get away with this shit they aren't going to stop or learn of their own accord. This relates to the very core of humanity (ie not just reacting simply but with articulate reasoning as well). This is not a laughing matter either. Dogs don't house train themselves (here comes a dual lesson from a single metaphor, it'll switch viewpoints so don't get confused) So, if you can, shit all over the place! However, don't expect the dog to start crapping outside if you just grumble and clean it up. SHOVE THE NOSE SHITWARD, punish the wicked and the good shall thrive.
So the grand combination of these...whatever, i Kind of lost myself. But that's life I guess, its pretty f'in complicated. I guess the moral of the day is to do what you can when you can and punish the wicked whenever possible to discourage their negative and sometimes evil effects on society and your social health. This is a good idea, and your children won't thank you for it, but it'll help them also.
posted by Seth # 8:27 PM
9.14.2003
This is actually my second attempt at publicizing my private thoughts. The first was for History of American Tech. which i took this summer at NC State. OH WAIT THIS IS TERRIBLY EXCITING.
I'll move on.
Typical posts should include one relevant fact or recollection of the day and one or more philosophical musings (and don't worry, i'll never inflict a 'what if god's a woman' or 'is nature more important than nurture' on you) So here goes, and format will vary according to my merest whims, so don't be surprised.
First, the story. Ok, for those of you that don't know I work as a Student Patrol Officer (forever SPO henceforth) and that means I walk around at night for 7 or 8 hours at a time. Increasingly, this fairly small detail has been affecting my personal life elsewhere in somewhat obscure and random ways. Example, a few weeks ago I attended a film festival with a friend from UNCCH. We parked in such a way that my car and the restaurant were on opposite diagonal sides of one city block. Now, the distance seemed short and easy for me, but Kristina (the friend) claimed it was 'way down there.' What kind of conclusion can I draw from this...perhaps you could consider the bias inherent due to differences in habit and occupation. On another note your could examine the oddity of measuring distance linearly when we clearly cannot walk diagonally through a building to get to our destination and how that affects our entire cultural and social outlook on the universe.
Or you could follow logic thoroughly to the result that I concluded "Women are clearly weaker and more apt to complain about trivial hardships."
Now, I know that was a pretty deep observation, but the real philisophical part is right here. It begins in the pool, and doesn't end in a hottub full of naked women and champagne.
Still water is the medium through which I temporarily reversed the most obvious of my physical flaws. There was a time when I would swim for 3 or 4 hours at a time, on 5 or more days of the week. No arrogance intended but i was fucking good. Not on an absolute scale, I always got wrecked at state and regional events, but considering i had no coach and no one to force me to go but myself.
That kind of ruthless self-improvement fell by the wayside after the february in 2000. After states i had only placed 11th in the state and wasn't going to swim in college. I had no motivation, nothing to keep me going and so i retreated from the water onto dry land. It was not only the time and desire to win that pushed me, but also a kind of idealism I can no longer imagine myself maintaining.
But that is all backdrop, the meat of it goes back to what I began with, the concept of still water. If you know much about swimming you know that people do not get injured by swimming. Not in the actual act, swimmers are all the time breaking their shoulders and stuff. Its always in the gym, or from trying to lift weights, but never in the water. For a present comparison, when I went swimming saturday (as i do from time to time) I tried to sprint a single lap of butterfly. The first length went smoothly and for a brief moment the power and grace of my past were right there with me. If you have swam this stroke before you know that it is more exhausting than ANYTHING (and I have wrestled before, they are pretty close) and I could not maintain my pace through the duration.
Performance wise it was pretty sad, but unlike trying to push myself by running faster or throwing some more weight on the bar I simply slowed down. No horrible wrenching dislocations or snapping tendons...just a soft wall of water keeping me from the wall. I was pissed at first, but then grateful. Water is good for that, it absorbs mechanical and heat energy incredibly efficiently. Two years of laps and every fit of angst or disappointed rage just got swallowed up and I was just fine.
But water is the gentlest knife as well as cushion. A tiny trickle of water carved the relatively monstrous grand canyon, it carved away 55 lbs of fat on me. Time time time, is the only issue, given time water cuts through anything. Its just a matter of flow and duration.
So, the relevance between the two posts is the consolidation of the past lessons learned and present demands on time. Consolidate what though? My thoughts turn not only to the considerable time I have spent in college focusing on the mental equivalent of 20 hours of exercise per week (studying or reading for the same amount or most times longer.) But either is pretty lame without the other.
The sharpest vision wouldn't help a weakling in a fight, nor would the strongest muscles on a blind man...so obviously some kind of balance is the best option. And so, that's my first post. I'm going to do something more interesting now.
posted by Seth # 7:40 PM
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Searching for subtlety...
So everyone else has a stupid live/dead journal or some kind of weblog... but they all suck, and mine will be a grandiose departure from the norm. I think, so you don't have to. Email me if you feel the urge to comment or something. (seth.keipper@gmail.com)
10.28.2003
I have often wondered, based on the inevitable heart wrenching failure of every single one of my romantic relationships, just what it is that brings people together. Recent events with a certain ex and certain others have made this a relevant enough topic to stick it in the blog of life.
First consider something with me. On the one hand I don’t believe that just liking someone a whole bunch merits them liking you back. People tend to abuse that sort of devotion (see Dan and Natalie for examples) whether they realize it or not. That is wrong, you shouldn’t mislead of misuse people just because you can. Unless they deserve it, then punish them as is right and fitting.
So there has to be something more. What should we call this...chemistry, attraction, animal magnetism, disguised lust? There are many things actually, but in every case there is something more than just affection that goes along with it. Some people need security, some people need someone greater than them to feel better about themself and some just need a punching bag to fuck around on. I am sure, in a culture without arranged marriages anyways, that there are many things people need. But a partner is the fundamental unit.
I look back at my own ‘partners’ and try and see exactly why we dated and how things got together. Natalie and Bunn quickly emerged as the only two ‘real’ girlfriends. Keep in mind this isn’t an evaluation based on guilt of who I’ve dated, they were just the only two with any depth of emotional attachment. Now that kicks 5 out for many and various reasons, but what about the girls that I have liked but not dated for whatever reason.
Consider a few. Actually we’re only looking at three for my example’s sake. The first is Jenny Wade.
Jenny has already been mentioned as a figure of legend. She’s your typical blonde haired, blue eyed angel next door. Yes she’s hot, yes she’s a nice person (if you’re on her good side) and yes I really wanted to date her for a long ass time. She was one of those people that was good and make you feel better just because you know they’re a nicer person than you. But she never treated me like someone she’d be happy with. Hence, we did not date. If you’ll make a quick note that is a pretty fucking strong archetype for girls that I tend to like but not end up with. You’ll see Robin Hunter and Jennifer Ever pop up there also.
Now I wonder, and Mike and I have long discussed this, is it more important to like the person for being cool in general or for treating you well. Its not quite as pointless to argue this as it is for nature versus nurture. I say that because I have an example of each that doesn’t fly.
Amber Weant, aka Ambuh Lee, is prime for the ‘good person’ question. Most, if not almost everyone would agree that she’s another pure piece of southern joy and purity. But I wouldn’t be happy with her for a second. But why, she’s nice, and if she treated me well shouldn’t that make her somehow worthy of liking back just as much?
I hesitate to naysay but it really doesn’t...strange, but we’ll come back to this.
The next example would be someone that likes me but that is not a good person or cool or even worth the air in her lungs. We can all imagine another fun big rant about Kelly now, but I’m not gonna give it. Instead I am going to talk about a slut from high school named Kristen. This dirty slut had a funny idea about life and dating.
On the one hand she wanted chase goodman’s nuts. On the other she let me fondle her in exchange for compliments (you’ll have to use your imagination, but that about sums it up)
Now pause for a second as I try to explain...I at no time wanted her to be my girlfriend. At first I thought she liked me but just not enough (as is usually the case) but it turns out she was just fucking around with me. However the merest realization that she was just dicking me around made me laugh because knowing that I could manipulate things to where she thought she was affecting me...but wasn’t! It was a masterful bunch of social maneuvering on my part and if I ever write a book on Machiavellian dating tactics that’ll be chapter one.
The point is, even when I thought she was into me and treated me better than most girls I didn’t give a fuck. So maybe niether matter or its just the interaction of coolness and coolness towards you. Or maybe the whole notion is a chimaera that I have been chasing in the wrong direction.
A recent email from Helen sparked a new and much better hypothesis. Every fucking person wants something different and whoever they date affect that and whoever they have or haven’t dated in the past affects that.
It’s a classic physics equation. You have two bodies (you and the other person) each person has a past (we’ll call this their velocity) and a personality (this will be location.) Now as any decent physics student could tell you there is no fucking way to discern the exact location and velocity of any particle in the whole universe. This is the heisenberg uncertainty principle. Now the heisenberg uncertainty principle of dating is that you can never, ever learn everything about someone’s past and personality.
It just ain’t gonna happen.
You can’t find out about someone’s past without becoming part of it yourself, and any attempt to measure personality will also affect it. So there’s no way to get a flawless picture of someone without being able to take the entire intereaction between you, your pasts and your present personalities into account. Worse, and this is no conceptual problem, there is the matter of external forces. You cannot ignore gravity or air resistance in real life any more than you can ignore the rest of the world in terms of dating someone.
Lets look at a few confounding variables...other people, where you live, economic concerns, appearance, health, family, government, war, aliens, pop culture, crime, disease, drugs...you can see how this is evolving. Its just impossible to tell, the only way is to just fucking guess.
Luckily the brain is uniquely equipped for this. Consider trying to write a computer program for compatibility based on an evolving relationship...it would be a fucking undertaking. But then again, would it be more difficult to describe the act of throwing a ball at something or just picking it up and giving it a toss? Mmm, so that’s what relationships are. Fundamentally there has got to be an objective bunch of little truths that you can sum up into a relationship. Its just much easier to give it a toss and see what you can hit. Too bad missing sucks communist nuts.
posted by Seth # 9:14 PM
10.26.2003
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