Fuck!
Fucking fuckity fuck fucks!
I had such high hopes for week 19, especially since week 18 was such a pisser of a back slide. Yet here it is, Thursday night and it's the first time I have made it to the gym all week.
Granted Monday I was still recovering from a steak/beer/adrenaline fueled weekend and sleep deprivation.
Tuesday I wanted to spend time with the wife and daughter because they had been at the beach since Friday.
Yesterday I just plain punked out because I didn't feel like busting my muscle fibers for a few hours then coming home to the backup report AND two hours of work so I just spent my time sitting at my desk and watching the daily show on hulu while I wittled away at 20+ servers.
But today, despite it being hellacious and grandiose in its grotesquery, I managed to haul out my resolve, shake loose the moth balls and suffer mightily in the pursuit of fitness. That sentiment rings a little hollow considering the abysmal quality of my diet over the past few days. Luckily I still have a 13000 MC buffer which still gives me about 24 days before I start falling behind the average.
It's amazing how I find myself in the same situation yet again, not even 10% of the way through the project, and how gods damned easy it is to fall behind and not be able to catch up. Pathetic sounding as it may be that's sort of a recurring them in my life since graduating college. Years pass with little to show for them and as galling as it is I still find it nearly impossible to counter 'just getting by' with meaningful events and useful activity like writing.
However I have hauled out some notebooks and started working earnestly on the sci-fi epic yet again. I try to make sure I write at least SOMETHING every day and when creativity fails I transcribe/edit what I have written previously.
It's amazing how after 7 years of intermittent work and nearly constant thought about this piece of literary history I intend to compose some parts are pristine and glorious as I wrote them so long ago. Others have to be picked apart for choice phrases or ideas and largely immolated to make room for better and bigger ideas.
Structure is still a massive problem since about half the story is written in present tense and the other half was conceived as a past tense endeavor. No matter how hard I try it seems like I always default to intermingling the two and its hell to catch and repair as I go.
At any rate, progress continues but not tonight.
Tonight I am Beta-reading a short story for one Peter Watts. I wish I could share the details but alas I cannot.
Showing posts with label cardio. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cardio. Show all posts
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Week 18 Update: Injury and misery
It was a sad week, just a hair under my typical quota. 3.550 MC which isn't terrible and it would have been much better but my frickin' knee flipped out on me on Friday.
I got in a decent 1500 on Tuesday, 1200 on Thursday and I was well on my way to somewhere in between on Friday when a constant ache in my knee started to fuck up my concentration. Around 600 it got to the point where I couldn't stand the thought of keeping it up.
Sacrificing a body part, especially one connected to my quadriceps (my biggest source of calorie output other than my brain perhaps) just isn't worth losing for a single workout.
The good news is that I have already banged out 2450 for the week which means another good workout or 3 decent walks will get me back up to speed. Hopefully I can get a couple good ones in before Friday and the drunken debauchery of this weekend won't offset my progress too badly.
I plan to consume roughly 5 MC of alcoholic beverages and the only exercise I will be getting will include carrying my computer roughly 50 feet, swigging said alcoholic beverages and jumping out of my chair to scream obscenities during the LAN party portion of the festivities.
Good times, good times.
I got in a decent 1500 on Tuesday, 1200 on Thursday and I was well on my way to somewhere in between on Friday when a constant ache in my knee started to fuck up my concentration. Around 600 it got to the point where I couldn't stand the thought of keeping it up.
Sacrificing a body part, especially one connected to my quadriceps (my biggest source of calorie output other than my brain perhaps) just isn't worth losing for a single workout.
The good news is that I have already banged out 2450 for the week which means another good workout or 3 decent walks will get me back up to speed. Hopefully I can get a couple good ones in before Friday and the drunken debauchery of this weekend won't offset my progress too badly.
I plan to consume roughly 5 MC of alcoholic beverages and the only exercise I will be getting will include carrying my computer roughly 50 feet, swigging said alcoholic beverages and jumping out of my chair to scream obscenities during the LAN party portion of the festivities.
Good times, good times.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Day 120: 4 months of FUCK YEAH
The journey so far:
120 days since Feb. 1st.
62 gym workouts
100+ miles walked around the neighborhood
Net loss so far 18 pounds since Feb 1st. Net loss since last year is approximately 32 pounds.
Now I can say that but it doesn't really convey a tangible sense of the progress so far. Here's a little math and then a more visual example.
1 pound of butter (4 sticks) carries 3200 calories. If you're up to scratch on your nutrition you know that one pound of fat has about 3500 calories. The difference comes from some water and milk solids in said butter.
Now 18 pounds of fat in the body are sure to include some water, protein and bloodvessels so we'll use it as an analog for body fat. 18 pounds of butter is 72 sticks of net fat loss over the span of 16 weeks.
That's about .6 sticks of butter PER DAY for about 4 months.
Oh and here's a picture of 20 pounds of fat for comparison.
Mmm, bacon. At my current level of progress, despite the 2 week slow down, I could probably live on bacon and still lose weight.
120 days since Feb. 1st.
62 gym workouts
100+ miles walked around the neighborhood
Net loss so far 18 pounds since Feb 1st. Net loss since last year is approximately 32 pounds.
Now I can say that but it doesn't really convey a tangible sense of the progress so far. Here's a little math and then a more visual example.
1 pound of butter (4 sticks) carries 3200 calories. If you're up to scratch on your nutrition you know that one pound of fat has about 3500 calories. The difference comes from some water and milk solids in said butter.
Now 18 pounds of fat in the body are sure to include some water, protein and bloodvessels so we'll use it as an analog for body fat. 18 pounds of butter is 72 sticks of net fat loss over the span of 16 weeks.
That's about .6 sticks of butter PER DAY for about 4 months.
Oh and here's a picture of 20 pounds of fat for comparison.
Mmm, bacon. At my current level of progress, despite the 2 week slow down, I could probably live on bacon and still lose weight.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Week 15/16 Update: Still alive, somehow still on track
I'm too lazy to type this crap out again or copy pasta it for ya but here's a screenie.
I believe I am now in the phase where the sexy aspects of the project have worn off, the cheering crowds at the base of the hill are long behind and I have emerged from the treeline only to stare at a vertical climb that will take another (projected) 56 months to complete.
The attrition of late and suffering motivation are proving to be greater hindrances than anticipated though I am still performing at a comfortable margin above the necessary level. How this is possible I do not know.
Needless to say the effort is ongoing and swinging over into maintenance mode is taking some real adjustments, mental and physical. When you're not excited and seeing that first burst of weightloss its hard to stay supercharged for a protracted period of time. However there is hope and as of today's mad session and extra long walk I am already more than halfway done for the week.
Tomorrow shall bring fresh challenges, perhaps defeat and perhaps still another step towards victory.
I believe I am now in the phase where the sexy aspects of the project have worn off, the cheering crowds at the base of the hill are long behind and I have emerged from the treeline only to stare at a vertical climb that will take another (projected) 56 months to complete.
The attrition of late and suffering motivation are proving to be greater hindrances than anticipated though I am still performing at a comfortable margin above the necessary level. How this is possible I do not know.
Needless to say the effort is ongoing and swinging over into maintenance mode is taking some real adjustments, mental and physical. When you're not excited and seeing that first burst of weightloss its hard to stay supercharged for a protracted period of time. However there is hope and as of today's mad session and extra long walk I am already more than halfway done for the week.
Tomorrow shall bring fresh challenges, perhaps defeat and perhaps still another step towards victory.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
102 Days: Can't even keep my damn milestones...
So it's been a fucked up sort of fortnight. Stretching back over the week I found myself nearly single for a while, crashing my reluctant coworker's pad in raleigh and discussing the finer points of end game raiding whilst put up by a former roomate in Cary.
I have been slack as hell on the project though I remain adamant that last weeks shortfall will be reclaimed in short time. I'm still way above my projected average though its been harder and harder to drag myself out to the gym.
Also my nightly constitutionals just seem to drag on and on. Maybe I need a new neighborhood to tramp around in. Who knows.
I also started a new plan to do some terrestrial modifications to the woods behind my house. It started as an ambitious plan to clean the forest of dangerous poisonous plants, sharp pointy rocks and anything that might harbor the dreaded copperhead. So I started hacking and slashing my way through the foliage and some ideas started creeping into my head about water conservation and some much needed surgery for the yard.
Tomorrow I will make a short video detailing my progress thus far and possibly outlining the scope of the new endeavor. There are a number of obstacles to consider: a giant dead tree and me with no handy way to dismantle it, innumerable rocks, roots and creepers and of course good old fashioned North Carolina RED CLAY. I swear the shit halts time and space whenever a shovel hits it.
Plenty of good fodder for the compost heap at least. Now content yourself with some stats.
Current Status: 66+ MC (projected average is 54.3) Daily average remains in the 600 range and the weekly average is hovering at 4.8 MC.
Also my weight is now about 220 though after the Papa John's it is probably higher. Damn your better ingredients and gut-destroying business model!!!!
I have been slack as hell on the project though I remain adamant that last weeks shortfall will be reclaimed in short time. I'm still way above my projected average though its been harder and harder to drag myself out to the gym.
Also my nightly constitutionals just seem to drag on and on. Maybe I need a new neighborhood to tramp around in. Who knows.
I also started a new plan to do some terrestrial modifications to the woods behind my house. It started as an ambitious plan to clean the forest of dangerous poisonous plants, sharp pointy rocks and anything that might harbor the dreaded copperhead. So I started hacking and slashing my way through the foliage and some ideas started creeping into my head about water conservation and some much needed surgery for the yard.
Tomorrow I will make a short video detailing my progress thus far and possibly outlining the scope of the new endeavor. There are a number of obstacles to consider: a giant dead tree and me with no handy way to dismantle it, innumerable rocks, roots and creepers and of course good old fashioned North Carolina RED CLAY. I swear the shit halts time and space whenever a shovel hits it.
Plenty of good fodder for the compost heap at least. Now content yourself with some stats.
Current Status: 66+ MC (projected average is 54.3) Daily average remains in the 600 range and the weekly average is hovering at 4.8 MC.
Also my weight is now about 220 though after the Papa John's it is probably higher. Damn your better ingredients and gut-destroying business model!!!!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Week 9 Update: Only one more weight update per month from now on.
So I marked the occasion, this being the 64th day of the Gigacalorie project by tidying up my progress marker. It's just a simple Excel spreadsheet that tallies up my daily contributions, weekly totals and my average progress per day and per week.
It was interesting to look back at the past 2 months, for which sweaty rides home and constantly aching muscles have dominated my schedule. Beyond the initial 'breaking' of my daily routine I have consumed 4 containers of protein powder, 12 gallons of milk (skim all the way baby!) and my workout/post-workout water consumption is probably something like 14 gallons of water.
Now granularity is nice but there's no real secret to what I am doing. You push the body hard enough and primal forces carry you the rest of the way. There are a few additional forces that make the task at hand both easier and harder. I'll start with the bottlenecks and conclude with the boons.
First and foremost, as I have said before, the enormity of burning 1 million kilocalories is as daunting and vast as the horizon inside the eye of a hurricane. Every day that I work out I come home and gleefully tally my progress like a pasty gamer tracking his experience points onto worn out graph paper.
Today the total stands at 42,930. Two months of cardiovascular brutality and anerobic malevolence done to my person has brought me 4.293% of the way to my goal. Or you could say I only have 95.707% to go until I am done.
Hell and damnation it's almost unbelievable. I could have moved a volume of bricks the size of my house (solid mass, not hollow) BY HAND in the same interval. Or I could have walked to texas and back by now. That would be a decent workout in and of itself but no, I am making scandalousy slow progress by the usual standards. It's terrifying of itself but when you consider that I am actually 8 Mcals AHEAD of schedule (more than 2 weeks progress at the alloted rate) it is all the more frustrating.
So there's that, and the physical toll is not much better. My arms, legs and back ache more or less constantly. My hands tremble at the keyboard and my voice is strained when speaking to clients, my wife and my daughter. I am the alarm clock whose snooze button has been pressed many thousand times too many.
Finally there's the whole body image issue to consider. My current progress (assuming naively that it's all net calories) equals about 12 pounds of body mass. My actual weight loss dipped down to ten pounds a few weeks ago and has since flatlined at around 8. Maybe that's positive because I am growing muscle or my bones are miraculousy hardening into granite from my considerable intake of bovine lactose but I sure as shit don't 'feel' like I am much lighter.
Natalie and friends swear I look different but my mental self portrait as a chubby guy with moderate body hair has yet to be at odds with its optical counterpart. I try to assuage my anxiety with the intellectual notion that even if I'm not flinging fat particles at escape velocity that at least I'm getting healthy and that's a noble goal without the secondary side effects of increased social acceptability.
There's just not enough positive reinforcement. But there is some, which I will outline now before things get too depressing.
Perks include getting to see scantily clad sweaty chicks of various levels of attractiveness on a tri-weekly basis. This might sound shady coming from a married dude but it's nice to add a simple addendum to my mental assessments of the girls around town. For years it has just been 'well i'm not gonna bang that girl' and hopefully in a year or so i'll be able to append: 'but I could if I really wanted to.'
I guess that sounds shady from any perspective but it motivates and I need all the momentum I can muster.
Secondly food tastes so fucking good when you're starving that it's not even funny. My second greatest meal of all time was a hot bowl of noodle soup on the fringe of Bangkok's red light district in no small part because I was ravenous at the time. Don't get me wrong if I could get it that soup would be my breakfast every day that I didn't feel like fresh pad thai but being hungry as hell made it all the better. Now thanks to my jacked up metabolism I am more or less constantly hungry so most of what I eat tastes great.
Some might consider that a negative aspect but I try to see it as a constant opportunity to make the right choice and reach for the banana instead of the bacon. (Side note: I have actually had banana wrapped in bacon and it's quite good)
Finally, and I know this was included in the negatives already, but what little progress I am able to measure cheers me greatly. It never ceases to amaze me how much effort, will and saline go into my weekly regimen and I need look no further than my bicep for proof that I am doing something right.
What once lay undefined amidst a slab of adipose tissue I can now trace with a finger or pinpoint with my eyes. It's not that much, a little crest of whipcord rising above a sea of pudge. Yet however much the body and mind wail for attention and results I can take solace that my little friend is already there to greet me.
All I need to do is keep feeding him and he will grow to dominate my self-image. I'll also need every scrap of muscle fiber I can wield to hold up my own ego when I triumphantly announce my victory in some format or another.
According to the projected outcome that date will be Feb. 1 2014. However at my current rate I will be toasting my victory with a frothy protein shake more than one year early. If I can sustain this rate of expenditure I may just modify the terms of the project.
I think I'll wait a year or two before I make that canonical though.
It was interesting to look back at the past 2 months, for which sweaty rides home and constantly aching muscles have dominated my schedule. Beyond the initial 'breaking' of my daily routine I have consumed 4 containers of protein powder, 12 gallons of milk (skim all the way baby!) and my workout/post-workout water consumption is probably something like 14 gallons of water.
Now granularity is nice but there's no real secret to what I am doing. You push the body hard enough and primal forces carry you the rest of the way. There are a few additional forces that make the task at hand both easier and harder. I'll start with the bottlenecks and conclude with the boons.
First and foremost, as I have said before, the enormity of burning 1 million kilocalories is as daunting and vast as the horizon inside the eye of a hurricane. Every day that I work out I come home and gleefully tally my progress like a pasty gamer tracking his experience points onto worn out graph paper.
Today the total stands at 42,930. Two months of cardiovascular brutality and anerobic malevolence done to my person has brought me 4.293% of the way to my goal. Or you could say I only have 95.707% to go until I am done.
Hell and damnation it's almost unbelievable. I could have moved a volume of bricks the size of my house (solid mass, not hollow) BY HAND in the same interval. Or I could have walked to texas and back by now. That would be a decent workout in and of itself but no, I am making scandalousy slow progress by the usual standards. It's terrifying of itself but when you consider that I am actually 8 Mcals AHEAD of schedule (more than 2 weeks progress at the alloted rate) it is all the more frustrating.
So there's that, and the physical toll is not much better. My arms, legs and back ache more or less constantly. My hands tremble at the keyboard and my voice is strained when speaking to clients, my wife and my daughter. I am the alarm clock whose snooze button has been pressed many thousand times too many.
Finally there's the whole body image issue to consider. My current progress (assuming naively that it's all net calories) equals about 12 pounds of body mass. My actual weight loss dipped down to ten pounds a few weeks ago and has since flatlined at around 8. Maybe that's positive because I am growing muscle or my bones are miraculousy hardening into granite from my considerable intake of bovine lactose but I sure as shit don't 'feel' like I am much lighter.
Natalie and friends swear I look different but my mental self portrait as a chubby guy with moderate body hair has yet to be at odds with its optical counterpart. I try to assuage my anxiety with the intellectual notion that even if I'm not flinging fat particles at escape velocity that at least I'm getting healthy and that's a noble goal without the secondary side effects of increased social acceptability.
There's just not enough positive reinforcement. But there is some, which I will outline now before things get too depressing.
Perks include getting to see scantily clad sweaty chicks of various levels of attractiveness on a tri-weekly basis. This might sound shady coming from a married dude but it's nice to add a simple addendum to my mental assessments of the girls around town. For years it has just been 'well i'm not gonna bang that girl' and hopefully in a year or so i'll be able to append: 'but I could if I really wanted to.'
I guess that sounds shady from any perspective but it motivates and I need all the momentum I can muster.
Secondly food tastes so fucking good when you're starving that it's not even funny. My second greatest meal of all time was a hot bowl of noodle soup on the fringe of Bangkok's red light district in no small part because I was ravenous at the time. Don't get me wrong if I could get it that soup would be my breakfast every day that I didn't feel like fresh pad thai but being hungry as hell made it all the better. Now thanks to my jacked up metabolism I am more or less constantly hungry so most of what I eat tastes great.
Some might consider that a negative aspect but I try to see it as a constant opportunity to make the right choice and reach for the banana instead of the bacon. (Side note: I have actually had banana wrapped in bacon and it's quite good)
Finally, and I know this was included in the negatives already, but what little progress I am able to measure cheers me greatly. It never ceases to amaze me how much effort, will and saline go into my weekly regimen and I need look no further than my bicep for proof that I am doing something right.
What once lay undefined amidst a slab of adipose tissue I can now trace with a finger or pinpoint with my eyes. It's not that much, a little crest of whipcord rising above a sea of pudge. Yet however much the body and mind wail for attention and results I can take solace that my little friend is already there to greet me.
All I need to do is keep feeding him and he will grow to dominate my self-image. I'll also need every scrap of muscle fiber I can wield to hold up my own ego when I triumphantly announce my victory in some format or another.
According to the projected outcome that date will be Feb. 1 2014. However at my current rate I will be toasting my victory with a frothy protein shake more than one year early. If I can sustain this rate of expenditure I may just modify the terms of the project.
I think I'll wait a year or two before I make that canonical though.
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