Readers!! If you haven't already check out this post about this video.
If you don't do it than none of the comedic value of this post will matter one darn bit!!
And now for your reading pleasure, a number of responses to the Letter from Hell courtesy of Zack the mystery xian!!
Reply 1: The Evangelical Response.
Dear Josh,
I just received your letter regarding a recent trip to hell. I hate to say I told you so but...dude, I told you so. Why are you so surprised I mean you drove home drunk you dumb shit! Is it my fault? If you weren't on the way to bone Kelly than none of this would have happened (not for a while anyways)
So I hope your life of sin was worth it, buddy. I would pray for your soul but we all know that's a lost cause. See you in eternity buddy.
-Zack
PS The power of Christ compels you, bitch!
********************
Reply 2: The literal response:
Dear fuckhead,
My best friend just died in a car crash YESTERDAY and you sick ass fucks are already trying to guilt me into believe not only that his death and trip to hell were deserved but that this is somehow MY fault?
Have you assholes ever heard of books, tv, newspapers, THE INTERNET perhaps? Josh had access to all the information he needed it's not like I was holding out on him. Excuse me but I assumed that my high school friend was literate.
You guys are assholes and if I find you sneaking more of this shit mail into my mailbox I will come flying out of my house with a hatchet in one hand and a can of tabasco sauce in the other.
-Zack
********************************
Reply 3, The atheist response:
Dude, come on, your rotting corpse is less than two miles from school.
*******************************8
Reply 4, The Ok-I'll-pretend-for-a-second-that-this-is-real-and-if-I-were-a-christian-how-I-would-respond response:
Dear Josh,
At long last we discover which of us was destined for the light and which for darkness. Now, knowing which path you have chosen I am certain to choose the opposite. No doubt as the fires of hell consume your very soul whatever goodness once dwelt within you will turn to ash. This I lament but we are mere pawns you and I.
No doubt the dark one will soon tire of your ceaseless agony and the choice will once again be upon you. Be once damned and suffer until the end of time or be twice damned and rebel against the Order of the universe. I know you, Josh. I remember the time you broke that kid's wrist to score an extra goal in the closing seconds of the game. We were already up by 6 points and you put him down for months, just so we could win by 7.
It is clear from your postscript that you hope to join me. Well, my former friend, one day I shall indeed stand before you. However when our paths cross again we shall not meet again as friends, or men or even corporeal beings. No doubt you will see my shining armor glinting in the hellfire. My wings will bristle, yours will reflect the hellish blackness from whence they were stretched upon your frame.
And we shall do battle from the high plains of Gorgoroth to the very core of Hell itself. And just as the forces of darkness once broke upon the Crystal Arch we shall strike at your deepest fortress. Unlike the Charge of Iblis we shall not falter, we shall not fail.
When I see you again you will not see me in my current form. If anything you will see nothing but the point of my holy sword and the wry smile as you once again precede me into damnation.
Do not fear, dear friend. I will see you soon. I will see you very soon indeed.
**********************
Reply 5, The World of Warcraft Response:
Josh,
You newb. Just start back over at the graveyard. Your corpse got pwnt by that truck.
PS you got any fused wire?
*******************
Reply 6, My response (having intercepted the letter)
Josh,
Your death has deeply affected everyone at school, especially the team. We are all very sad that you are not with us anymore. However knowing that you are no longer alive brings about a selfish fear not for your safety but for my own mortality.
I know that one day I myself will make that journey from this world. Where there is to go, if anywhere, has plagued my mind for more hours than I care to think about. However the simple truth is that no one who is alive now has ever died and stayed dead for a time and then returned to tell about it. No one who has ever been alive at one point has ever made a true account of death and whatever consequences it may entail *besides the obvious.*
However. I am a rational person who happens to be a Christian. I believe that death is not the end. We can only hope that there is more to life than just life. My own fears and convictions can overwhelm reason at times. Sometimes the fear of hell is the only way other, less secure, Christians can make an impact.
I never thought that I would lose you as a friend because death is a rare occurrence in this time and in this nation. Kelly and Coach Adams came back to school and you didn't. I can't spend the rest of my life in a panic that my friends and family and anyone whose life brushes against mine. I have to hope that if there is a God that this God will realize that by living my life as a good and honest person that I have done well in this world.
Your attempts to guilt and shame me have only hardened my resolve. Life is too short to waste living in fear for that which might await us beyond this mortal coil.
I intend to live. If that brings me damnation then Josh, I will see you soon one day.
-Your friend, Zack.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Letter from Hell Transcript
I am no stranger to the grotesque and the absurd but rarely does one stumble across such a tragic undertaking as the "Letter from Hell" video. I came across it after it was posted here.
The original video, if you can even call it original, is posted at this godforesaken shit heap.
Now I could spend a good bit of my day destroying the validity and lack of conscience put forth but the makers of this dismal and poorly produced 'video.' It's really just a kludge of crappy powerpoint slides and some scrolling text hacked together with a 6 minute monologue about how hell is so dark scary and how it's all Zack's fault.
Before I say another thing here's the transcript *as promised, Dawkins.net people*
Thus concludes the transcript. Read more about the responses from Zack in the next post.
The original video, if you can even call it original, is posted at this godforesaken shit heap.
Now I could spend a good bit of my day destroying the validity and lack of conscience put forth but the makers of this dismal and poorly produced 'video.' It's really just a kludge of crappy powerpoint slides and some scrolling text hacked together with a 6 minute monologue about how hell is so dark scary and how it's all Zack's fault.
Before I say another thing here's the transcript *as promised, Dawkins.net people*
Letter from Hell transcript. The bulk of the text is red on a black background. Some of the dialog is not written, those parts are in parentheses.
(Slide1 – Black background with red text)
Who died without
Knowing jesus as their
Personal savior
To Hell?
You received a
Letter in the
Mail from
Beyond?
Slide3 – A letter from Hell
Friend in the flames
Of eternal torment
(Star-wars-style scrolling text, also black background with red text)
presentation.
It was written by a fictitious High
School Student named Josh, to a
Friend named Zack.
Although Zack had every
Jesus…
Other.
Slide5 – But there is one
Thing Zack held
Back from Josh…
Relationship with
Jesus Christ.
Is simple and sad... [like so much of christianity]
Beers…
A crash…
A funeral
…
Slide11 – A Letter (big text)
Slide12 – Here is that letter (in its entirety)
Slide13 – A letter from Hell.
(Slide14 – Blue background, white text)
Dear Zack,
I died today
It’s a lot different than I expected.
You see,
I always thought that dying would bring
Me to a world that is foggy and hazy.
But this place is crystal clear…
It’s even more real than my life on
Earth.
Slide14 (slightly bigger text here)
I can think.
I can talk.
I can feel.
Slide15 – Cops at accident, no text.
Only those, whose names were
Written in the Book of Life, could
Enter into Heaven…
Slide20 – (picture of lighted clouds, no text) Man I was scared. The angel threw me into some kind of holding cell. Where I’ve been sitting and thinking for a long long time (since he died today it stands to reason this means less than 24 objective hours) Do you want to know what I’ve been thinking about?
You told me so yourself.
(I mean we talked about it three different times today.)
told me about how to
become a Christian?
Slide 28 – If you were you would have told me about (this) Jesus. (and told me how to escape this terrible place that I’m headed for.
Slide 29 – Fade to white, black red excetera) (I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, the angels who have been chosen to cast me into hell are coming down the hallway. I can hear their footsteps)
I have heard of this
Hell…
They call it the
Burning sulfur and brimstone.
(I can see the edge of the cliff where Hell burns)
You ever tell
Me about…
With souls to save
I have my on [sic] agenda
There’s school to do,
Sports to play,
Important stuff to attend to.
Slide 47 – Don’t bother me
With my friend at work,
He’s got his own religion
I don’t have time
To change his mind
He’ll make his own decision
With that little girl,
The girl playing in the street
She’s much too young
To understand
That the Savior she could meet.
With the sounds I hear
The sounds of people shrieking
Although I wonder who they are
Who are these victims
Screaming?
With who they are
I really don’t want the blame
And that little girl
Scream out my name.
Thus concludes the transcript. Read more about the responses from Zack in the next post.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Letter to Sam Harris
Sent: 2008 01 16
Mr Harris,
Recently I watched the video of your speech at the AAI 07 in DC posted by the RRS on youtube. Your message about not falling into the atheist label struck a deep chord because it is something I deal with on a personal basis every time I see my in-laws. Without soaking up too much time I mean that my fiance and I had a child out of wedlock and her extremely conservative christian family doesn't like or understand me. More's the pity.
However rejecting the term atheist for ourselves is a half measure. If we are truly going to make a dent in the pervasive ubiquity of religious belief I believe our words should reflect how we truly feel. As such I have stopped using the terms 'God' and 'Bible' and replace them in writing and conversation with 'christian deity' and 'christian holy text' (lowercase deliberately) to reflect a more objective appraisal of import.
This has been a recent change in my habits so the outcomes are undecided. I hope you'll consider this if you haven't already. Forgive me if that sounds terribly presumptuous.
Good day and good luck to you, sir.
-Seth
**************************************************
The motivation for this contact relates to my new semi-long term project to answer and analyze a creationist propaganda series on youtube. Part one has so far yielded 4 pages of notes, comments and problems as I have seen. To be more accurate the first 7 minutes yielded 4 pages of notes, features both Kent Hovind and Ken Ham as 'scientists' and blithely accepted the bible as 100% true and accurate.
That was in a previous video which I may indeed comment on at some point. Until then my satire will remain focused on the 8 part (as far as I know at this point) series regarding evolution vs creationism.
Oh and the gloves...the gloves are off.
Mr Harris,
Recently I watched the video of your speech at the AAI 07 in DC posted by the RRS on youtube. Your message about not falling into the atheist label struck a deep chord because it is something I deal with on a personal basis every time I see my in-laws. Without soaking up too much time I mean that my fiance and I had a child out of wedlock and her extremely conservative christian family doesn't like or understand me. More's the pity.
However rejecting the term atheist for ourselves is a half measure. If we are truly going to make a dent in the pervasive ubiquity of religious belief I believe our words should reflect how we truly feel. As such I have stopped using the terms 'God' and 'Bible' and replace them in writing and conversation with 'christian deity' and 'christian holy text' (lowercase deliberately) to reflect a more objective appraisal of import.
This has been a recent change in my habits so the outcomes are undecided. I hope you'll consider this if you haven't already. Forgive me if that sounds terribly presumptuous.
Good day and good luck to you, sir.
-Seth
**************************************************
The motivation for this contact relates to my new semi-long term project to answer and analyze a creationist propaganda series on youtube. Part one has so far yielded 4 pages of notes, comments and problems as I have seen. To be more accurate the first 7 minutes yielded 4 pages of notes, features both Kent Hovind and Ken Ham as 'scientists' and blithely accepted the bible as 100% true and accurate.
That was in a previous video which I may indeed comment on at some point. Until then my satire will remain focused on the 8 part (as far as I know at this point) series regarding evolution vs creationism.
Oh and the gloves...the gloves are off.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Listen, FUCK CHARLES DARWIN...
He doesn't matter.
His inaccuracy in the role of mutation/natural selection doesn't matter.
Whether he recanted (he didn't) on his death bed doesn't matter.
Whether he ate babies and drank the blood of virgins does not matter.
The idea is what matters. Even if the man who first proposed it later thought they had unleashed terrible evil upon the world it does not matter. The idea is what matters.
I can't think of a single creationist argument that at some point doesn't cast aspersions upon Charles Darwin at some point or another. I'm just at a loss as to why people are still using such a ridiculous ploy!
It's like defending why people used to think the world is flat. I can't believe that out of all the sea-faring nations in the world no one ever bothered to just look at the horizon. YOU CAN SEE THE CURVE OF THE EARTH just look at the horizon.
People, look at the horizon!!
Also... Check this Out!!
His inaccuracy in the role of mutation/natural selection doesn't matter.
Whether he recanted (he didn't) on his death bed doesn't matter.
Whether he ate babies and drank the blood of virgins does not matter.
The idea is what matters. Even if the man who first proposed it later thought they had unleashed terrible evil upon the world it does not matter. The idea is what matters.
I can't think of a single creationist argument that at some point doesn't cast aspersions upon Charles Darwin at some point or another. I'm just at a loss as to why people are still using such a ridiculous ploy!
It's like defending why people used to think the world is flat. I can't believe that out of all the sea-faring nations in the world no one ever bothered to just look at the horizon. YOU CAN SEE THE CURVE OF THE EARTH just look at the horizon.
People, look at the horizon!!
Also... Check this Out!!
Friday, January 11, 2008
A pint-sized epic journey.
Anyone who knows me is sure to have heard at least one of the epic tales. I list them briefly here now in no particular order.
Fireworks Quest in Myrtle Beach
Street Fighter II with all Characters
The Bamboo jungle epic.
The ultimate swimming comeback story - 12 month intro
Bloody Whitney
Worst trip ever
Arms Race
High Risk, High Reward - The last Halloween
Quitting the Spiritual Addiction
Quitting the Physical Addiction
The End of the World (of Warcraft)
Fair Coin original draft.
I'm sure these dozen tales, all which can no doubt compete with the 12 labors of Hercules or Finn McCool's similar tasks, are worthy of at least one post. Some have already been addressed. These are the stories that live in memory and are told and retold many times before.
The other day, after reminiscing about the bygone days of bomb building and gallivanting around in the woods I decided to pay a visit to google earth and revisit the third item on the list.
The ill-fated expedition to the bamboo jungle. Care to hear more?
Well settle in dear reader, for this is no small tale. Read on to discover heartache, bloodshed, fear, panic, cows, exploration and finally conquest. We begin, like most child hood stories, with a very bad decision.
As a 12 year old I thought myself reasonably intelligent. It seemed the biggest issues I ran into were not those of my own making, not yet, but rather when I decided to do something without first thinking about the consequences.
In this case it was too late in the day for an epic undertaking. When Brian and Paul showed up with younger brother Wade around 5 o'clock and announced their intention to go to the bamboo jungle I knew for a fact that we would be turned back. All we had were our clothes and no food, water, flashlights or anything else should the worst happen. But I was bored and decided to go along. We might be able to make it, I thought. If we move quickly...
If you look at the first picture closely, and I don't expect anyone to do so, you can see the crucial details. Basically the Bamboo jungle was a clump of rocks and trees where small stalks of bamboo were plentiful and more or less free for the taking. To get there one simply had to follow the creek from behind our house downstream past the big pipes, through the bendies and past the little blue pipe.
After the pipe the creek joined with another and at that point became about 30 feet wide and mostly shallow. There were a few points where sand banks or fallen trees or even some big rocks would carve the flow into deeper and narrower channels.
We began by walking south down the road and then headed west through woods. At the time there were a few less houses. The one we cut through was under construction at the time.
2
The area described by the blue arrow is our path through the woods. Remember that house was nothing but a frame and it was fall so the surrounding woods were sparse and easy to traverse. I know they look impenetrable but this part of the journey provided no serious challenge.
3
The above picture is simply the next chunk of land to the west of where we left the road. After the woods there were some cleared fields and if you notice the long strip of field above the yellow push pin icon *placemark, whatever you call it* you see the airfield. It's weird but it is actually a grass landing strip that our neighbor would take off and land from. We headed south, over the blue pipe.
4
If you look closely at this picture you can see where the pipe stretches over the creek. If I remember correctly it was about 8 feet over the creek bed and there was some underbrush to contend with. Paul was scared and we had to cajole him to walk across the pipe. I believe we usually walked on it but at least once I know I shimmied across to avoid falling into the nastiness of the creek.
5
From there it was a straight shot to the Bamboo Jungle. We skirted the woods along side the creek looking for a place to cross the whole way down. Normally we would have knee-high waterproof boots to make it easier but this was spur of the moment so it was nothing but sneakers. We looked and looked and finally we were there, staring across at the object of our quest. So close and yet so far. There was still nowhere to cross just yet. We decided to go with a fairly narrow part of the creek.
The Red X indicates approxiamtely where things turned decidedly against us. Those three trees played a role in a different story, one alas, for another day. The cows merely bore witness to the unfolding tragedy as we began to cross the creek.
I wish I had a picture to illustrate exactly the terrain that we faced here. Instead you get a crappy illustration via MS Paint.
It was a good 6-8 feet down to the sandy creek bed. This was easy enough to get down. Brian and I crossed first, taking off our shoes and socks to keep them dry. At this point it was already twilight and we should have already forged our way back to civilization. Brian blazed the first trail and for his troubles got a HUGE thorn stuck inside his foot.
I mean the thing was in at least an inch and it was almost as thick as a friggin' pencil. Panic and Chaos ensued. I told Wade and Paul to get back up the bank (easier said than done) and that I would pull out the thorn and Brian and I would head back on the other side.
The logic wasn't exactly there but at least I was making decisions...the first was probably the best. Removing a HUGE thorn in a friend's foot is something to be done with the utmost care.
"I'm going to count to three," I said. Brian nodded, he was in hell with pain. "Ok, 1...2...[yoink!]"
Screaming followed. We had watched "Alive" recently and I remembered one of the guys did something similar so the person wouldn't be expecting it. Brian tied his bloody gaping puncture wound off with his muddy sock (medical community cringes) and we set off back up the way we came.
Paul and Wade climbed back up. As we were leaving Wade had already made it and Paul was struggling to get up the embankment.
The cows, now on our side of the creek watched passively. It was hard to see much of anything now. We ran, fueled and fanned by adrenaline over the plains dodging rocks and cowpies with admirable dexterity.
This might be hard to see but the red lines indicate our journey homeward. Those three lines of trees each happened to coincide with a 4 foot tall barbed wire fence. There were three total, no injuries were sustained by them.
In the dark of new night and our maddened state of panic and fear we didn't quite notice that we passed the fork and just kept running up the creek. After passing another 4 fences we calmed down enough to realize that we were lost and panicked all over again!
After the 4th fence we noticed some lights and decided we'd take our chances rather than spend the night groping through the dark knowing full well the smelly and prickly horrors we would face. Cautiously we stepped out onto an open space with regularly spaced lights along each side.
The airfield! Life and liberty at last! There was just the problem of sneaking past a well-lit mansion. I think they had some dogs and we were fearful of getting mauled after such a harrowing escape through the woods.
Creeping carefully, and ridiculously, we made our way past the tennis courts and around the huge imposing house. House noises and the weirdness of being able to see more than just vague gray outlines. Finally we were able to creep out to the driveway at which point we launched ourselves back towards the road. The 'end point' is a stone ring that served as a decorative roundabout. I never used it once I started driving. Brian's mom, mounted 'top her mini-van found us here and we were shuttled back to safety. Wade and Paul had to make their way back another way.
Everyone made it home safe and sound, Brian got a tetanus booster and no one was seriously traumatized by the events. However in the interest of objectivity I wanted to see just how far we traveled to come across such a memorable ordeal. The result...
Yeah. 2.08 miles. STUNNING.
Now here we are faced with a decision. Do we decide that the journey was still epic in scope and detail subjectively but not objectively? Or do we, confronted with the inescapable evidence determine that it was not a worthy tale to tell?
(Stop here if you don't want to read my inescapably atheistic reasoning below.)
This tale, one of many many many experiences I have faced is the strongest personal argument I can muster to answer the question: If there is no God, Heaven or Hell then what's the point of life on Earth?
Pessimistically one could argue that there is no point and it makes just as much sense to be good as evil. Or negating those concepts one could say that life exists only to serve self and that any other goal is detrimental.
I'm not renowned for my optimism but age is mutating my personality in ways I did not expect. This tale was not just an idiotic trot through the woods. Nor was it some heroic deed worthy of song and praise. It was a learning experience. Yes looking back it was laughable and anti-climactic but it stands out in great contrast to the rest of middle school.
I'll never forget the next day. On the bus to school Brian recounted the whole tale to Tabitha, a girl our age, who listened to a truncated version and then immediately changed the subject back to more sociable matters. Never mind that brush with tetanus and danger, forget the turbulent adrenaline rampage through the woods and fields of our neighborhood. No what Sally thinks is so much more important.
I already liked girls at that point but I have never given up on the idea that they are just really weird. I still think so.
Fireworks Quest in Myrtle Beach
Street Fighter II with all Characters
The Bamboo jungle epic.
The ultimate swimming comeback story - 12 month intro
Bloody Whitney
Worst trip ever
Arms Race
High Risk, High Reward - The last Halloween
Quitting the Spiritual Addiction
Quitting the Physical Addiction
The End of the World (of Warcraft)
Fair Coin original draft.
I'm sure these dozen tales, all which can no doubt compete with the 12 labors of Hercules or Finn McCool's similar tasks, are worthy of at least one post. Some have already been addressed. These are the stories that live in memory and are told and retold many times before.
The other day, after reminiscing about the bygone days of bomb building and gallivanting around in the woods I decided to pay a visit to google earth and revisit the third item on the list.
The ill-fated expedition to the bamboo jungle. Care to hear more?
Well settle in dear reader, for this is no small tale. Read on to discover heartache, bloodshed, fear, panic, cows, exploration and finally conquest. We begin, like most child hood stories, with a very bad decision.
As a 12 year old I thought myself reasonably intelligent. It seemed the biggest issues I ran into were not those of my own making, not yet, but rather when I decided to do something without first thinking about the consequences.
In this case it was too late in the day for an epic undertaking. When Brian and Paul showed up with younger brother Wade around 5 o'clock and announced their intention to go to the bamboo jungle I knew for a fact that we would be turned back. All we had were our clothes and no food, water, flashlights or anything else should the worst happen. But I was bored and decided to go along. We might be able to make it, I thought. If we move quickly...
If you look at the first picture closely, and I don't expect anyone to do so, you can see the crucial details. Basically the Bamboo jungle was a clump of rocks and trees where small stalks of bamboo were plentiful and more or less free for the taking. To get there one simply had to follow the creek from behind our house downstream past the big pipes, through the bendies and past the little blue pipe.After the pipe the creek joined with another and at that point became about 30 feet wide and mostly shallow. There were a few points where sand banks or fallen trees or even some big rocks would carve the flow into deeper and narrower channels.
We began by walking south down the road and then headed west through woods. At the time there were a few less houses. The one we cut through was under construction at the time.
2
The area described by the blue arrow is our path through the woods. Remember that house was nothing but a frame and it was fall so the surrounding woods were sparse and easy to traverse. I know they look impenetrable but this part of the journey provided no serious challenge.3
The above picture is simply the next chunk of land to the west of where we left the road. After the woods there were some cleared fields and if you notice the long strip of field above the yellow push pin icon *placemark, whatever you call it* you see the airfield. It's weird but it is actually a grass landing strip that our neighbor would take off and land from. We headed south, over the blue pipe.4
If you look closely at this picture you can see where the pipe stretches over the creek. If I remember correctly it was about 8 feet over the creek bed and there was some underbrush to contend with. Paul was scared and we had to cajole him to walk across the pipe. I believe we usually walked on it but at least once I know I shimmied across to avoid falling into the nastiness of the creek.5
From there it was a straight shot to the Bamboo Jungle. We skirted the woods along side the creek looking for a place to cross the whole way down. Normally we would have knee-high waterproof boots to make it easier but this was spur of the moment so it was nothing but sneakers. We looked and looked and finally we were there, staring across at the object of our quest. So close and yet so far. There was still nowhere to cross just yet. We decided to go with a fairly narrow part of the creek.
The Red X indicates approxiamtely where things turned decidedly against us. Those three trees played a role in a different story, one alas, for another day. The cows merely bore witness to the unfolding tragedy as we began to cross the creek.
I wish I had a picture to illustrate exactly the terrain that we faced here. Instead you get a crappy illustration via MS Paint.
It was a good 6-8 feet down to the sandy creek bed. This was easy enough to get down. Brian and I crossed first, taking off our shoes and socks to keep them dry. At this point it was already twilight and we should have already forged our way back to civilization. Brian blazed the first trail and for his troubles got a HUGE thorn stuck inside his foot.
I mean the thing was in at least an inch and it was almost as thick as a friggin' pencil. Panic and Chaos ensued. I told Wade and Paul to get back up the bank (easier said than done) and that I would pull out the thorn and Brian and I would head back on the other side.
The logic wasn't exactly there but at least I was making decisions...the first was probably the best. Removing a HUGE thorn in a friend's foot is something to be done with the utmost care.
"I'm going to count to three," I said. Brian nodded, he was in hell with pain. "Ok, 1...2...
Screaming followed. We had watched "Alive" recently and I remembered one of the guys did something similar so the person wouldn't be expecting it. Brian tied his bloody gaping puncture wound off with his muddy sock (medical community cringes) and we set off back up the way we came.
Paul and Wade climbed back up. As we were leaving Wade had already made it and Paul was struggling to get up the embankment.
The cows, now on our side of the creek watched passively. It was hard to see much of anything now. We ran, fueled and fanned by adrenaline over the plains dodging rocks and cowpies with admirable dexterity.
This might be hard to see but the red lines indicate our journey homeward. Those three lines of trees each happened to coincide with a 4 foot tall barbed wire fence. There were three total, no injuries were sustained by them.
In the dark of new night and our maddened state of panic and fear we didn't quite notice that we passed the fork and just kept running up the creek. After passing another 4 fences we calmed down enough to realize that we were lost and panicked all over again!After the 4th fence we noticed some lights and decided we'd take our chances rather than spend the night groping through the dark knowing full well the smelly and prickly horrors we would face. Cautiously we stepped out onto an open space with regularly spaced lights along each side.
The airfield! Life and liberty at last! There was just the problem of sneaking past a well-lit mansion. I think they had some dogs and we were fearful of getting mauled after such a harrowing escape through the woods.
Creeping carefully, and ridiculously, we made our way past the tennis courts and around the huge imposing house. House noises and the weirdness of being able to see more than just vague gray outlines. Finally we were able to creep out to the driveway at which point we launched ourselves back towards the road. The 'end point' is a stone ring that served as a decorative roundabout. I never used it once I started driving. Brian's mom, mounted 'top her mini-van found us here and we were shuttled back to safety. Wade and Paul had to make their way back another way.Everyone made it home safe and sound, Brian got a tetanus booster and no one was seriously traumatized by the events. However in the interest of objectivity I wanted to see just how far we traveled to come across such a memorable ordeal. The result...
Yeah. 2.08 miles. STUNNING.Now here we are faced with a decision. Do we decide that the journey was still epic in scope and detail subjectively but not objectively? Or do we, confronted with the inescapable evidence determine that it was not a worthy tale to tell?
(Stop here if you don't want to read my inescapably atheistic reasoning below.)
This tale, one of many many many experiences I have faced is the strongest personal argument I can muster to answer the question: If there is no God, Heaven or Hell then what's the point of life on Earth?
Pessimistically one could argue that there is no point and it makes just as much sense to be good as evil. Or negating those concepts one could say that life exists only to serve self and that any other goal is detrimental.
I'm not renowned for my optimism but age is mutating my personality in ways I did not expect. This tale was not just an idiotic trot through the woods. Nor was it some heroic deed worthy of song and praise. It was a learning experience. Yes looking back it was laughable and anti-climactic but it stands out in great contrast to the rest of middle school.
I'll never forget the next day. On the bus to school Brian recounted the whole tale to Tabitha, a girl our age, who listened to a truncated version and then immediately changed the subject back to more sociable matters. Never mind that brush with tetanus and danger, forget the turbulent adrenaline rampage through the woods and fields of our neighborhood. No what Sally thinks is so much more important.
I already liked girls at that point but I have never given up on the idea that they are just really weird. I still think so.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Buy crap!!!
In case anyone stumbles along you might want to check out some tasty goodness in the form of...
RAMBUS
LAPTOP RAM
WASHER AND DRIER!!
Odds are against this helping but whatever, I can deal with it.
RAMBUS
LAPTOP RAM
WASHER AND DRIER!!
Odds are against this helping but whatever, I can deal with it.
Ignoble gases...
Friends and dear readers, I am livid.
There are a lot of minor annoyances suffered in life with a wince and a shrug but very few demand concerted force and will.
For the past few months I have been toying around with Helium.com. So far I have written something like 27 articles concerning myriad topics ranging from video game violence to novel writing. After posting one during my lunch break about the 'power of prayer' I noticed that you can donate the proceeds of a certain article can be donated to one of a list of possible sources. One such 'Charity' listed was none other than the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Listed below is my challenge to Helium staff to justify this egregious choice.
*****************************************************
(thisrepresentshowmuchifuckinghatepetainasteriskform)
"PETA is a possible source for donation. PETA is not a charity by any stretch of the imagination. At best they are an activist group at worst they are domestic terrorists. Why on Earth would Helium support such a group?
The whole idea behind Helium is to gather and accumulate knowledge (and revenue of course) and, I would guess, to promote the pursuit and understanding of that knowledge. PETA is not a knowledge friendly organization. They are a criminally overbearing and fascistic group laced with vile rhetoric and bedecked with pure hypocrisy.
If PETA remains on the donation list beyond noon on January 12th, 2008 I will withdraw myself from this site and condemn Helium as conspirators of a malicious political agenda.
There will be no reconciliation nor negotiation on this point."
(thisrepresentshowmuchifuckinghatepetainasteriskform)
*****************************************************
Ironically enough if PETA weren't such weird violent fucktards then I would agree with a lot of their stances.
I don't believe in needless suffering of animals.
I am opposed to something like seal fur because its disgusting and decadent.
I disapprove of pointless animal captivity or any type of cruelty that does not benefit humanity.
Meat is the petroleum of the food world. It's not the best thing in the world for us but it's energy rich and people demand copious quantities. Most animals have to be killed before eaten and I do not consider that cruelty. It is necessity. PETA's army of fur-hating vegans and I are only radically different on a single point.
I would never step on the gonads of personal liberty to oppose something as frivolous and inconsequential as animal fucking rights.
Wake the fuck up, PETA. If you're so concerned about animals concern yourself briefly with the important ones: people.
I don't believe for a second that concern for animals extends uniformly. If that were true than fur and meat and bovine insulin wouldn't be prime targets. Exterminators would be hated by PETA.
That's right the Orkin man would be public enemy #1. I'm sure people have done more scathing and thorough jobs poking holes in the PETA beehive so I'll save my scorn for another day. Penn and Teller, proud and wonderful men that they are, have already taken a much harder swing than I will ever be able to. And you notice they strike not with stones or swords or bombs...but with truth!
Truth and Mockery go together like fertilizer and diesel fuel. (In a good way.)
However my disdain will smolder until the deadline. Helium is free to act as they will but should this bullshit continue then I will go fucking APE.
Literally I will petition the scientific community to consider me a rare form of chimp masquerading as homo sapiens sapiens and PETA won't be able to touch me even if I literally pound feces into their corrupt and gaping faces.
I wait and bristle with anticipation. Your move PETA.
Your move.
There are a lot of minor annoyances suffered in life with a wince and a shrug but very few demand concerted force and will.
For the past few months I have been toying around with Helium.com. So far I have written something like 27 articles concerning myriad topics ranging from video game violence to novel writing. After posting one during my lunch break about the 'power of prayer' I noticed that you can donate the proceeds of a certain article can be donated to one of a list of possible sources. One such 'Charity' listed was none other than the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Listed below is my challenge to Helium staff to justify this egregious choice.
*****************************************************
(thisrepresentshowmuchifuckinghatepetainasteriskform)
"PETA is a possible source for donation. PETA is not a charity by any stretch of the imagination. At best they are an activist group at worst they are domestic terrorists. Why on Earth would Helium support such a group?
The whole idea behind Helium is to gather and accumulate knowledge (and revenue of course) and, I would guess, to promote the pursuit and understanding of that knowledge. PETA is not a knowledge friendly organization. They are a criminally overbearing and fascistic group laced with vile rhetoric and bedecked with pure hypocrisy.
If PETA remains on the donation list beyond noon on January 12th, 2008 I will withdraw myself from this site and condemn Helium as conspirators of a malicious political agenda.
There will be no reconciliation nor negotiation on this point."
(thisrepresentshowmuchifuckinghatepetainasteriskform)
*****************************************************
Ironically enough if PETA weren't such weird violent fucktards then I would agree with a lot of their stances.
I don't believe in needless suffering of animals.
I am opposed to something like seal fur because its disgusting and decadent.
I disapprove of pointless animal captivity or any type of cruelty that does not benefit humanity.
Meat is the petroleum of the food world. It's not the best thing in the world for us but it's energy rich and people demand copious quantities. Most animals have to be killed before eaten and I do not consider that cruelty. It is necessity. PETA's army of fur-hating vegans and I are only radically different on a single point.
I would never step on the gonads of personal liberty to oppose something as frivolous and inconsequential as animal fucking rights.
Wake the fuck up, PETA. If you're so concerned about animals concern yourself briefly with the important ones: people.
I don't believe for a second that concern for animals extends uniformly. If that were true than fur and meat and bovine insulin wouldn't be prime targets. Exterminators would be hated by PETA.
That's right the Orkin man would be public enemy #1. I'm sure people have done more scathing and thorough jobs poking holes in the PETA beehive so I'll save my scorn for another day. Penn and Teller, proud and wonderful men that they are, have already taken a much harder swing than I will ever be able to. And you notice they strike not with stones or swords or bombs...but with truth!
Truth and Mockery go together like fertilizer and diesel fuel. (In a good way.)
However my disdain will smolder until the deadline. Helium is free to act as they will but should this bullshit continue then I will go fucking APE.
Literally I will petition the scientific community to consider me a rare form of chimp masquerading as homo sapiens sapiens and PETA won't be able to touch me even if I literally pound feces into their corrupt and gaping faces.
I wait and bristle with anticipation. Your move PETA.
Your move.
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