I get PM's...

As I awoke and began my normal work duties I couldn't resist a YT bump this early and something caught my eye.

Normally when I get a youtube PM it's either because someone subscribed and is giving me a shout out or someone is replying to me for posting/flaming something. It's all good.

And now to my repertoire I add: sometimes I get super long, mostly copy pasta PM's from people who are long winded and mostly batshit instead *also semi literate*

No response needed, just wanted to share with my loyal readership of none.

[Original message follows:]

HI HI I saw your trailer about game called Heaven and trailer is preety good exept of you in the background yapping and talking like you just know every thing on this planet and universe like u ate all the brains of the smartest people,like u create universe,nay like u created and hated any way,visualisation and graphic in game is beautyful,all those things like river of life, pearly gates,golden streets,its simbolic and its all written in bible i dont know what is game about and what u have to do,but they took a loooooooot of things and vis.from the good book. its in Revelation,almost in the end,but it is mentioned a lot of time in all the Bible i presume by your talking and words that you are one of the people that thing that the earth and all the univers creates by its self just like that. i gotta tell you something or you are a hater,or you are some fals prophet or you dont have enough knoledge and experience in and about life for example; let say that one of the factorys of watches in some contry explode,massive explosion,and on that same place creates (thousands or just one) perfect working watch,... is that possible and what are the odds that could happened. example two; can you go if you have a garden or in some park,and just take one leaf or some plant,flower,if you have a microscope,or you can just look at it with naked eye,.. do you see how many cells and vessels and functions have just one flower,... now imagine a some animal,or a man,... and they functions,... check out nature,sky,day and night,.. its all working like its been set by some large space clock. day and night,...day sets sun sets,and in the miliseconds night and the moon and the stars take over. a man need for oxygen a plants need for carbon dioxide,.. man is oozing carbon dioxide and need oxygen,plants and flowers oozing carbon dioxide. why sun doesnt freez us,...because sun has been set to get us warm. lets took a humans,why they have 5 fingers and five toes on each arm,why not 8 fingers and 3 toes, you can check human inner organs,..lunges,heart,livers,brain,.. and its all connected yet they have diferent functions they are all consuming that red liquid called blood. you gotta thing a litte bit and explore and you will see. every thing has his own creator, car has his own creator,mechanics etc. in factorys,someone has to put computer together,or they are man or woman or robots programed and created by man or woman. you have to water the plant if you wanna see it grow, and plant need light,earth and water. but why not some other liquid,why water,why light,why not dark? why can i put pepsi or some orange juice and expect to see plant grow? how come that you didnt came to earth just like that,how come someone needed to made you? how come you just didnt flew from somewhere and start to be alive and growin and how come you dont just say i wanna some burger and burger just creates in front of your eyes from nothing ? last words: man,open your eyes,i know that life is hard,and there is a lot of people evil people that works for they own pleasure,telling us what they wanna for us to thing. there are some animals less bloodsucking than peoples, peoples are powerfull,they can be what ever they want,but can they fly without airplane, can the go in to deept of deepest seas and live there,can they go to the farest star and galaxies in universe? no,but people are made for reason,and reason is somewhere far from earth but so close to us. why we live per say 70 years and just die,leaving behind so much created things,so we can never go back. why are we made so complicated,and so full of love,emocions,hates,knowledge, ideas,emaginations,where does those things coming from and who put that in our brains and hearts. why we building lives,careers ,jobs, playing instruments for years, carring for one another, why are we even breathe? so that we die for 70 years and thats it,game over,,no no my friend, where is sense,i make no sense man,... there is something bigger than this little life of ours for another example,lets say demo game and full game, why demo games exist? its like preview of something more bigger and better and more lasting,right? last words ----------------- just sit one evening in chair,lazyboy or on some meadow,balcony,...and watch the stars, they are soooo far,its so many of them,amazing,look at that infinite space,and if is not,we will never go there unless someone take us and carrie there, i wish to go there,one day i wanna fly thru those galaxies and visit other planets and stars without getting sun burn:), or swallow by black hole :). i wannt this,i wanna full game man. -------------------- a question for darwin fans: what did and how did it create the first of the first of the first of the first molecule, before every one, before big bang(big bang have to start from something,also that molecule that has been encouraging big bang,needs to be create frome something,and so on and on and on,to the first of the first) ? where how and why? man took bible in your hands,say a pray,test good to help you with something,(not now like, "God i want mercedes right now",) not like that, but u never know,maybe you get merc. to,but you have to show loyalty and faith tore Him, example: you ask your friend to help you clean your car, how will you ask him,would you say"hey man clean car with me" or " hey,(name),would you please help me to clean my car" ????? so dedication and thrust is also playing role,..if you dont belive your friend and you getting all suspicious and cocky and rude friend will not help you,unless its your butler or slave :). about lets say Christ and his talk "this is my blood this is my boody" eat it and drink it you probably red that or heard in churches or on the tv. any way,lot of people ar just like faithless Tom, "i dont believe unless i see right away" so,people are interpreting in materialistic way cuz let be real,people are made from materia and the are very materialistic. so people without help from above or shallow minded or non believers(atheists believe in nothing so you are believer to,anyone could be believer and believe in any thing so,..you gotta believe in right and tested thing) didnt understand those words. those words where symbols for the cruisafixtion and death of jesus Jesus was half man half god,actuali he was god,but... example:a mother and little son walking thru some park,a kid saw anthill and a lot of ants, he got closer,but,they flee and run away,...after he ask his mother,.. mom,..why those ants ran away from me,and mother said,.. because they dont know you. so god or creator or someone who understand how everything works and functioning,needed to came down,because he was only with out limits so he could only gave life to they creatures that he game life in the first place. so "drink my blood eat my boody" was the simbolic for "Il give you life again". people where very very smart and poetic before,you wouldnt believe, just look all those wonders of the worlds that they create,and we will be fools to thing that they was like monkeys or peoples from caves that they dont know if they are alive or not. of course,if today exist people wich dont know to write,obviously they existed in the past, but they had knoledge of and from nature. but who create that nature from whom people did so beautyful things, it is impossible to think that something explode and on the same place something beautyful and builded so complicated has been created. look,if you believe in Jesus and Bible(whole bible) you cant lose anything,you could just gain a new life,in here and one day somewhere else(not on the cloud with harp like lot of people say,..you know there s a lot of people that kills and to bad things in the name of God,but they arent good,they are false,cuz God like bible says never changes,but people,.. like the wind blow...) so,better to check for your self,you can not lose,only gain, but...if you go with aproach like,.."i dont believe"..well lets say it ends your way and you are wright,but what if dont? believers are insured and but non believer , not so lets say that all people are turned in to atheist,..where is the future,.. earth is falling appart day by day,... nuclear war could begin tomorrow.. again, lost.. what is the point to all of this.... something must change,just like goverments over the centurys are overthroned, this missery must be overthrone to... if we can save our selves,.. only our designer(who know how we functionate) can do that patch us,create us a new,all to new. situation in the world is worse day by day,theres been trouble in the world,but not that often like in our days and time. every day go by,troubles are bigger and dangerous,faster and without mercy. something gotta give,or the earth will exploade(but earth is not guilty, wicked people tourtured her a lot and still they countinue,with load of garbage,nuklear bomb tests, oil etc.) or someone will save us read Revelation,in the New Testamen,at the end of the bible(bible is like a guide thru life,she stood a test of time,a lot of people wanned to change her ,denied her,"kill" her so no one knows about her,but she is still here and every where,...what is that telling you,..hm?) about coming of the creator and savior of his creatures. Jesus came first time like poor hard working man,to show us how to live and obey commandments cuz without commandments we will not know what is good and what is wrong so we will go by our on hearts,but our hearts are full of false sincerity and empty headed insticts so without 10 commandments we will be like sheeps. and without bible(you know why lot of world leaders forbid bible,...cuz "knoledge is power" and bible is full of knoledge,believe it,its true,try to readed,but first say a pray to Jesus, nevertheless he inspired people and prophets to write it..,....and after start to read it. it is amazing,you will found out so much things,.. but be careful, dont be inpatient, you need patient and faith , example: why one swiss guy who is building clocks, (back to clocks again :)) hand maded,why they are the best and most expensive? per say better than clock that some chinese kid witch is one of the many things that kid assembled that day, he now doing clocks,(he learned building them an our ago, while swiss guy building them for decades). why is clock from swiss guy better than from chi.kid,? because swiss guy building one clock for years,while chinese kid make them a whole bunch i an hour. example 2 witch is better and healthier: junk food,fast food instant food ,instant drinks etc. or food that need time and preparation to made it right,using by better and healthier groceries. so about reading we continue,... Revelation or one of the gospels it says in last days will be wars and famines,and brother will raise hand on his brother for nothing,.. (im just saying of witch i remember i read,i apologize if i miss some parts but everything is in the Bible,everything) and there wil be more and more of those things like i said in the beginning of text, there will be a lot of people wich will present theyself like saviors,financion saviors,Christs, saviors of the planet,and the envoirement,and chrysis situation,but all they will do will be broking commandments ,sitting in theyr big mansiones,driving big cars,and some of the will do miracles but they will be just for entertaintmant or no use or after something like it looks like miracles but after man will feel even wors. like curing people with touch of hands and so... last people wich could do that is Jesus Himself and his apostoles. no one from the day that last apostol died,till today,...no one,not pope,not blaine,not copperfield, no one,...they came from evil factory to deceive and abuse ,cuz satan hates god because satan was angel before called Lucifer ,Lightbringer,the biggest and the preetyes angel,..but he got proud at bit too much,he wanned to be like god ,actualy bigger than god who created him,without whom he wouldnt even exist. word prIde got I in it, I will lift my self above whole universe,said Lucifer,....and it said in the Bible,check by your self,.... on the last day of the earth,the satan himself (before jesus return) will show to people as jesus and beautyful,cuz he aint no more,he showed his nature when he slauthered inocent man to the cross. and he will seduce a lot of christians and non christians,... "he will make fire come down to earth just to seduce" a lot or miracles but for nothing jesus feed people and helped people with his miracles, but today its all about money prIde, and power. anthicrist is real,...but where is copy there is original,..right? bible says that second coming of Jesus will see every eye every man,saiz in the Bible,.. its true,.. antichrist,satan him self, will look like Jesus,speak like Jesus but,doing miracles like Jesus, (cuz lucifer doesnt care how he will take you down,long as you down) but remember,he will not came as Jesus! "every eye will see him" television :) isnt that funny how powerful got tv if every eye will see him,for the liar (lIar-capital i) and false creature,tv is only solution. but Jesus ,first he came like poor man,to show how and that we could live in peace in god and obey the law of life. "i saw someone sitting on the shiny cloud on the sky with thousands apon thousands angels around him" Jesus will came on the cloud in his full glory,with all his angels,not as poor man ,but the king of the universe. but remember,he will not get down to earth,he will be on the sky all the time,and remember with thousand appon thousand angels,not alone. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish you all the best in life and ...ask any thing il try to answer you btw,Jesus-God is only being that need to be worshiped no human,cuz today are and tomorow are aint,like a flower in the strong wind,he disapear just like that,..no animals or photos,.. ten commandments saiz you all Bible saiz you everything cheers

So that's it. Take it home, you dirty atheists. Bible saiz you everything!

Some FUCKED UP FUNNY stuff for the readers.

So I am working on a new video and right now i'm in the process of collecting clips of religious folk claiming that 'god is love.'

I suspected the cheesiest, whiniest folk would be my best bet so I did a google search for the following phrase "god is love joel osteen" since he's the corniest corn dog of them all.

Results popped, I clicked on videos hoping to find something useful BUT I found something way way better.

Here's a screenie, I did some surgery on the pic because I didn't want this post to be X-rated but check it out yourself.

Be sure to click on the image for the full effect.

Some beef with JaguarJ0nes on youtube.

Ok not really beef per se but just an objection.  Here's a link to JJ's channel he's got some really funny videos about pwning YEC's and their arguments.  Something about his video voice/expressions really sunk in and I laughed my ass off at some of his references.

But he insists that pangolins are totally gay.  Which is crazy, pangolins are totally awesome!

I mean it's a freakin' mammal with scales, freakishly overdeveloped claws, near immunity to ant bites *food source* and it can curl into a spiky ball when threatened.  Its kind of like an armadillo but so much cooler. 

Link to Original.

So anyway I made a little video, slammed it together from clips and nearly pulled my hair out because camtasia kept crashing and the audio splice was absurdly counter intuitive.  At any rate, I got her done and present, in full glory, for your viewing pleasure.

Jaguarj0nes LOVES Pangolins

Mo' video!

Granted this does meet the excellent standards of my fiction writing but I dropped another video on Pdunn's apologetic rectum recently. It's worth checking out on youtube but views here still count so whatev. It's just funny what people will believe.

Pdunn Pwnage

So, I'll just come right out and say it. I made a response video.

But listen, it had to be done. You remember this post from a while back? Homeboy's comments could NOT stand and I can't work within the constraints of 500 character answers to some pretty subtle and nuanced questions.

So I made this video, posted it as a response, and consider it a mediocre debut onto the youtube scene (at best.)

Anyway, enjoy the slaughter and sorry about the audio quality (Marshall Brain is super loud, Pdunn is super quiet and I ping pong back and forth somewhere in the middle.)

Enjoy!

Some silliness for the god-whallopers

It's short and cheesy but I made a video today after some hilarity with igod. Someone, somewhere might find it amusing.

Chuckleheads on Youtube...

***Updated tonight at 1032pm***

So about two years ago I stumbled across the following video on Youtube:

10 questions that every intelligent question must answer



It's an excellent video pointing out some of the more glaring problems with christianity and the christian faith in general. The video is associated with the ever popular whywontgodhealamputees.com and godisimaginary.com

And it was with a sense of mirth that I stumbled across this next video which seeks to refute the original video and fails miserably to do so.


Now I comment, rate and favorite videos pretty often and I am occasionally guilty of spouting off some bullshit for no good reason. I've reviewed some of my comments and found them hasty, tacky, stupid or incoherent but its pretty rare that anyone actually bothers to reply.

Not so today, dear readers. The creator of the video got a little nasty with me about the issue so I will post my original comment and his replies in chronological order for your amusement.

Toledosteal: (that's me) Failed to answer question #1. If running the universe involves miraculously healing SOME ailments then on at least one occasion this would require healing an ailment that is outside the scope of the human immune system/genetic inability to regenerate limbs.

You can't say god heals sick people without healing amputees because sometimes sick people get better on their own. The point is that miracles do not happen or amputees would spontaneously heal if god wanted them to. Ass

Reply #1

Patrickdunnevant: ///The point is that miracles do not happen or amputees would spontaneously heal if god wanted them to.///

Well, that's a very important final clause: "if god wanted them to."

Suppose he doesn't. What does your argument do then?

Riposte #1 (from me)

Very simple, I suppose god doesn't want to heal people despite infinite power/skill/intelligence on his part.

That makes your god a giant asshole answerable to every second of human misery throughout existence. I am glad your god doesn't exist because if he did then all of 'his creation' would be a giant nightmare for a few years and then an eternity of obesiance or agony.

Lucky for us rational folk you guys are wrong.

Reply #2

Then I suppose you are also a "giant asshole", too. After all, what in the world are you doing to fund research that would help amputees? Are you doing everything in your power to help people like that, or are you sitting passively on the sideline?

You certainly can do a great deal to help, but I suppose you merely "don't want" to make that extra financial commitment, right?

You evil, evil person.

***(part 2)

I got an idea. How about, instead of blowing up propane tanks like an idiot, you donate that money you used for destruction to a medical technology organization instead?

Riposte #2

Three things:

You're being spiteful instead of turning the other cheek.

I don't donate money to fund amputee healing research but I have donated bone marrow 4 times in the last 3 years. It hurts like an unholy bitch slap and I am sore for a month afterwards but its something almost anyone can do to help.

Also I am not an omnipotent deity. If I were then I would certainly do everything in my power to fix this rotten mess of a planet, end human suffering and prove how lame your idea of god is

***(part2)

Also every time I reply to your comments I am adding a 1 star rating to this video. Just doing my part for the greater good.

********************
Updated comments here:

Reply3:How am I being spiteful in pointing out the obvious conclusion of your argument? And perhaps you should check out Matthew 23.

Well, that's a start. But there's still a great deal that you obviously COULD be doing. And since you aren't doing all of that, you are therefore evil by your own logic. It doesn't matter that you're not omnipotent. That doesn't mean anything. What matters is that you COULD do something, and you choose not to. Evil.

Out of curiosity, how would you "end human suffering?"

Part2: (pretty frickin' annoying how short 500 characters really is)
Thanks for admitting that you're the atheist equivalent of a creationist votebot, Toledosteal. At least you're honest in spite of your despicable evil nature.

Right? Or will you renounce your argument?

Riposte3: Calling me an idiot and a destructive time waster (propane tanks cost about 5 bucks each) is being spiteful. Calling me an asshole for any reason is spiteful.

I am doing something vital for humanity, not for amputees but for people that need help via a healthy blood forming system I am there.

By calling me evil you are also calling god evil, you're really to lump in the big guy just to take down a random youtube atheist? I am human, not evil. You and everyone else is evil by that logic too.

Part2: I'm not votebotting, I told you I only vote when answering your replies. That's what ratings are for. And I believe in honesty which is why i disbelieve in your and every other god. Also, to end human suffering would be simple, meet all human needs and ensure justice and fairness for all people.

If you're omnipotent how F'in hard would that be? The fact that your god would send a single soul to hell is proof beyond doubt that god is invented by people. Because only people could be so cruel

Part3: Also, the 500 character format is impossible to respond adequately. Send me a PM and we can take it to long form email if you care to continue this.

Reply4: What ratings are for is to give your opinion about the video in question, not to continually do in such a way as to lower the overall ranking. You are indeed votebotting.

How would you "meet all human needs?" Would you put everyone in a world and make it impossible to do bad things? Where does free will fit into the equation? How would you ensure justice and fairness for all without, say, divine judgment, which you seem to take issue with, or removing human will entirely?

It's not that simple.

Riposte5: Your logic was to apply my argument about GAWD to ME, a non-omnipotent human. That is where you seem to be missing the point.

And all I admit is that everyone on earth is human. Your deity is remarkably human as well. So how about instead of your little false dichotomy strawman I conclude that because god shares the characteristics of man he/she/it must in fact be human.

Reply6: The fact that God is omnipotent means absolutely nothing in this argument.

Your argument is still that because he isn't doing everything he possibly can to stop evil from happening, he is therefore evil. Using subject substitution, because YOU aren't doing everything in your power to stop evil, you are also evil. Though an omnipotent being could do much more than you could, the fact that you're doing practically nothing says a great deal.

Back up your claim about how God is "remarkably human."

I cannot comment because I guess there's a limit on how many times you can comment in a certain period of time to cut down on spam/trolling so I'll wait a bit and see how that goes.

Oh good its back on, things are getting a bit muddled now but i'll keep it chronological.

Riposte6: Omnipotence is a key factor because unlike me god doesn't have needs/a job/a wife that take up time. If he has infinite power he should be able to manage creation and still have infinite power left over for extra stuff.

If I had infinite power I would cure every disease RIGHT NOW. I would even cure your inability to think critically.

What are you doing that's so great for humanity? You think you're saving souls by making youtube videos? Really, what else you got?

(response to the jab about being a votebot)
Ratings are there to indicate quality and in your case lack thereof.

You wouldn't have to take care of everything just the basics of biology and education. If someone tries to commit a crime you don't let them carry it out, if they try to rape you prevent it and fix whatever psychosis they have to cause that behavior in the first place.

The only reason faith is exalted by you theists is because a real god wouldn't need it. Without a real deity you HAVE to have faith because it's all fake.

Spicy stuff, right? I hope that C word replies because I would love to eviscerate him without the constraints of 500 character nonsense and filet his brain for the entertainment of my 3 loyal fans. (Mary, Veko and Nats you guys rock!)

Also I did check out Mathew 23 and there's an awful lot of shit to wade through. This verse caught my eye for Irony's sake.

²⁷^AX)">(AX) "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like^AY)">(AY) whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and^AZ)">(AZ) all uncleanness. ²⁸So you also^BA)">(BA) outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of^BB)">(BB) hypocrisy and lawlessness.

********End update

That's the state of things right now.

Here's what cracks me up about the whole thing from the outset. This chucklehead patrickdunnevant decides he's going to refute the video but just dodges questions, ignores facts and distorts reality throughout.

For example in 'answering' the first question he basically says "well yeah god coulda fixed them amputees but he don't want to"

But the author of the reply video also talks about how medical professionals believe in miracles and all this crap just like he does. While I am highly skeptical of the reliability of his statistics he puts forth the claim that 3/4 doctors believe in miracles.

Really.

Now as the son of physician I can argue that even in the deep dirty south it is unlikely that 3/4 doctors believe that god lends a hand during surgery or highlights deformities during xrays or anything like that. If you lump in nurses, aides, reception people and sales reps for the big pharm then I have no doubt you'd be a lot closer.

But patrickdunnevant ignores the simple, inescapable premise of the original video. Amputees are never healed spontaneously, there is absolutely no current method of a human reproducing or regenerating a limb.

Humans however CAN naturally recover from stuff like Cancer, heart disease, kidney stones, tumors, difficult births etc. But NOT amputation.

The claim that miraculous healings have occurred when it comes to stuff like Cancer, heart disease, kidney stones, tumors, difficult births etc is a moot point because there is some probability that the body will win a few of these battles despite a grim prognosis. If anyone ever regenerated a limb that would be darn near miraculous.

But it has never happened and without some advanced medical technology to bump things along will never happen in reality. We as organisms simply do not possess the means or ability to regenerate an arm or a leg. It's a fundamental part of our biology just like we can't breathe underwater or fly through the air.

"But god COULD do it, he just don't want to..." This is not an argument. God could have prevented the holocaust but he didn't not because he is evil or lazy or impotent but because he is IMAGINARY.

There's no getting around it and if patrickdunnevant had half brain he'd stop rationalizing his way into looking like a tool and figure that out.

Also if anyone was curious about his comment about blowing up propane tanks he was referring to the these:

A quick word about living in the Southern USA

Friends there's no escaping the bigotry and the hatred, nor the scornful glares of those people who think their purported moral superiority transcends basic human decency.  Even a mild dose of this bullshit is enough to ratchet my mood from slightly anxious to seething cynicism.

An anecdote to highlight my frustration:

Yesterday at a gathering of friends my wife and I shared a conversation with a youngish grandmother, aged around 50 or so.

The event was to commemorate the recovery of a neighbor's daughter whose foot had been crushed in a car accident.  The injured girl was projected to be off her feet completely for 20 weeks and at just over 10 was able to hobble around with a brace on.

Sunshine and the cool sweat-covered drinks made the affair pleasant and calm.  Though most of those in attendance were strangers I felt like I was in the company of friends.  Now the young grandmother was interested in sharing stories of travel and adventure.

She talked about a 6 week journey across 30 states with her grandparents.  We spoke of the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas on the honey moon.  We shared with this woman the taste of noodle soup in Bangkok, the mangrove swamps of Costa Rica, our various trips to Europe and a certain midnight stroll across the dark continent.

As we shared I made an off hand remark that our honeymoon was last year.  Our two and a half year old daughter ran around on the grass making people smile and soaking up attention like a sponge, as usual.  The wheels began to turn in the head of our fellow story teller and rather than have her struggle with the implications I explained.

"We were only married last year, and Alex was born before that."

Straight, simple and perfectly mundane.

"But is she your daughter or?" The woman asked.

"As far as I know," I joked.  Her expression turned sour and she did not laugh.

From that moment the lady who had spoken with us, who had been delighted to hear about our lives turned utterly indifferent and quickly shifted her attentions to every other party guest EXCEPT for my self, my wife and our daughter.

This is why atheists get angry at christians.

Gotta love the Jehovah's witnesses.

So they stopped by again. This time they dropped off some literature of the awe inspiring and life-changing variety.

Buahahah. No it's all just propaganda but it includes some pretty pictures.

Check it out.



I know I know my scanner was built circa 2001 and it's impossible to square up anything thicker than an envelope. Anyway I did some flipping and found all the usual gibberish. One segment did catch my eye though.

Take a gander.





Now this is a spurious argument at any rate, any book written by the creator of the universe would stand out so far from human endeavors that there could be no possible confusion. That's pretty standard from the files of 'Blatantly Obvious' but allow me to illustrate nonetheless.

Let's say you've got a class full of kindergarten age kids. There are 50 kids total. You ask every one of the 50 kids to draw a picture of a mountain using only a pencil. Keep in mind all of these kids are aged 4 and 5 years old. Now we add a complication. The 51st painting will be done by a master artist who has done nothing but draw mountains with pencils for the last 20 years. The Artist's skill is unparalleled throughout the entire world and no one doubts this.

Would it be hard to distinguish the work of the Artist from the 5 year olds? Would a practiced expert be able to set his or her work apart from a bunch of semi-conscious children still working up the motor skills to properly brush their own teeth?

You betcha. Now let's consider an alternative scenario including the same bunch of kids and the Artist.

This time instead of actually drawing the mountain the task becomes this: Describe the proper way to draw a mountain so that another person will be able to draw it for themselves. Duration, depth and length are all up to the discretion of the person writing the instructions.

Again, would it be difficult to distinguish between the kids and the Artist? Of course not, it would be trivial. But how could we tell? Well without trying to sound patronizing or mean you could look at vocabulary, sentence structure, knowledge of the drawing technique itself could all be employed.

Now if you take the Artist out of the picture then things can get a little more muddled. Disagreements between just the kids would be common place. Some would no doubt be easily distinguished as better than others but there would probably be a few that stood out. Unless there was an art prodigy or some fluke there would be the possibility for debate for at least a few of the paintings or a few of the instructions.

There would be also little doubt, based on the work of other 5 year olds, that the work was written by someone about 4-5 years of age. No matter how hard you try to rationalize or play favorites there is just no way that a 5 year old could produce expert quality art.

So that's why the bible doesn't do it for me. Because it wasn't written by the Artist, if there is an Artist he or she or it sure as hell hasn't left any instructions for all us 5 year olds.

An oldie but goodie

So long ago, at a college campus far far away I used to have this girlfriend.  We'll call her 'Jill' for legal reasons.  Way back when we dated for a few months, I broke up with her and that was the end of it.


Or so I thought.


After the breakup a series of incidents took place that compelled me to write this list.  I thought about sending it to her, I really did but couldn't bring myself to crush her soul and self-esteem under my callous heel.  However it's been long enough so here's the list in its entirety.  I changed the names but nothing else, this was written in 2001 when I still considered myself a christian.  Hence the intro:

*****************************************

In the true protestant spirit, here are 95 theses about Jill regarding grievances, problems, wrongdoings, and failures.

 

1.) Jill is loud

2.) Jill is obnoxious to her friends

3.) Jill does not know when to quit

4.) Jill does not know when to shut up

5.) Jill does not care about other people’s personal space

6.) Jill only cares about her friends when they are cool

7.) Jill is not cool

8.) Jill always wants attention and does whatever it takes to get it

9.) In doing said action (#8) she annoys or offends everyone in the room

10.) Jill is jealous of her best friend

11.) Jill is threatened by her best friend and wishes her gone as much as we wish Jill gone.

12.) Jill is a compulsive liar.

13.) Jill denies the voracity of her sexual appetite

14.) Jill denies her drug habits

15.) Jill denies her drinking habits

16.) Jill is Catholic

17.) Jill lies about her hating to fight

18.) Jill will hang out with anyone regardless of character

19.) Jill is exceptionally naïve about strangers and safe behavior around them

20.) Jill will degrade herself to garner pity

21.) Jill does this in nearly every conversation

22.) Jill loves pity as much as attention

23.) Jill is content with a shallow existence

24.) Jill is incapable of having a sincere conversation without laughing

25.) Jill is socially helpless without her best friend

26.) Jill is one of those girls that was a ‘good girl’ until the opportunity for evil presented itself

27.) Jill wanted to have sex but is the only girl who couldn’t get any

28.) Jill will not leave her ex alone at weekend excursion shows

29.) Jill thinks she can dance really well

30.) She can’t

31.) Jill promised to “get more serious” (regarding conversation content) but didn’t

32.) Jill promised to stop stealing slang but didn’t

33.) Jill will change her preferences to suit people

34.) Jill thinks doing something her friends do that she otherwise wouldn’t makes her cooler when actually it makes her look callow and shallow

35.) Jill lets her best friend do her thinking

36.) Jill tries to be goofy but comes across as dumb

37.) Jill is easily swayed into sexual play

38.) Jill thinks she is funny

39.) Jill stakes a lot of importance on being funny

40.) Jill fails miserably when it comes to being funny

41.) Jill seems to think lying about improving or changing is a good way to fix things.

42.) Jill is content to play with the hand fate dealt her with no thought of change or improvement, accepting her lot as inevitable.

43.) Jill does no work but expects to do well in school

44.) Jill thinks she has a future following her current lifestyle

45.) Jill is easily depressed

46.) Jill assumes the worst and by doing so ensures that it happens

47.) No one wants to here her whine about her boobs or hair.

48.) Jill has very weak morals and beliefs.

49.) Jill’s convictions crack like thin ice.

50.) Jill can’t bring consistency to her vices.

51.) Jill wants and needs to be told what to do

52.) Jill is neurotic about letting go

53.) Jill is embarrassed that she likes rap music.

54.) Jill tries so hard to impress people but by doing so fails miserably

55.) Jill cannot take a hint, about anything.

56.) Jill does not learn new things well

57.) Jill couldn’t be original if her life depended on it

58.) Jill laughs at everything

59.) Jill has an annoying laugh

60.) Jill bites the hand (her best friend) that feeds her (by attracting boys).

61.) Jill will ridicule people with similar or the same problems as her

62.) Jill judges people on hearsay

63.) Jill tolerates abuse if attention comes with it

64.) Jill hates her family for doing certain things but won’t hesitate to do them herself.

65.) Jill’s actions motivated the listing of her problems just so she can see them.

66.) Jill sleeps more than anyone else

67.) Jill brags about her laziness (regarding sleep)

68.) Jill sleeps so much due to a potassium deficiency, that’s her excuse, but wouldn’t remedy this with a vitamin supplement or by eating bananas.

69.) Potassium deficiency is a condition that would motivate some weakness and fatigue, but not one to motivate sleeping for 60% of your life.

70.) Jill makes incorrect uses of the word ‘beast’ in its adjective form.  For example saying, “I am a beast” whereas the proper usage might be “Jack smokes like a beast”

71.) Jill is too dramatic

72.) Subtlety is not in Jill’s vocabulary.

73.) Jill assumes everyone will like her if she acts differently despite obvious signs to indicate otherwise.

74.) Jill thinks she can buy affection

75.) Jill wants everyone to like her, but through her ultra-fluid personality changes she eliminates a ‘her’ to be liked.

76.) Jill thinks she is better than her actions reveal.

77.) Jill is a slave to her family’s whims, directly or beyond her awareness

78.) Jill lies about her getting into shape, or makes progress too slow to be noticed.

79.) Jill goes where she is often not welcome

80.) Jill plays on politeness to be tolerated in social situations

81.) Jill would rather be lied to

82.) Jill would deny everything on this list but change nothing

83.) Jill pretends to know what she is talking about when usually it’s something she ripped off from someone else.

84.) Jill has a man voice

85.) Jill gives off an aura of such helplessness that no one will tell her when something is wrong for fear of hurting her self esteem.

86.) She antagonizes those that do

87.) Jill is oblivious to most of her problems

88.) Jill will say anything to smooth a short-term problem but does nothing about the long term

89.) Her company determines Jill’s moral, beyond the scope of everyday interaction.

90.) Jill’s lies make it hard to like her                    

91.) Jill’s shortcomings are not a big deal until she makes them one

92.) Jill needs to realize she will never fit in until she is honest to everyone, even herself

93.) Jill has no value to her best friend, except as her secretary

94.) Jill watches too much TV

95.) Jill doesn’t learn from her mistakes.

Heaven the Game

So in the course of my day I came across this unfortunate video game title

The video is good and well, very lavish and colorful scenery abounds but I find myself wondering about some of the mechanics. Atheistic inclinations aside, what is there to do in heaven really?



It's supposed to be the reward for accepting Jesus (hopefully a playable character) as one's lord and savior. This is of course a 'representation' of the christian version of heaven. I am not sure they'd let a scantily clad aryan gal run around with clothes on in the islamic version.

But while the lavish visuals certainly paint an impressive landscape the question remains: what the hell are you supposed to do in heaven?

From my understanding the christian heaven is a new creation free from the corruption and conflict that riddles earth, stemming from the unfortunate dietary choices of the first two humans at the behest of a fallen angel in the form of a snake. It is also, at least in theory, a kind of place that once you got there would forbid travel outside, or in the very least back to little ol' earth.

Without conflict, or horrible monsters to fight, disasters to avert or at minimum a horde of angry demons to fight off what could you possibly do in heaven for fun? This applies equally to the game itself and the traditional conception of heaven.

I checked out the designer's website which is as spartan as it is seizure-inducing (at least in firefox) for some answers. I found very little insight besides the obvious mission statement:

Mission: to create interactive games that stimulate Christian spiritual growth.

There are only 4 sections, about, games, mission and contacts.

The GAMES section is blank which would seem to indicate that they've only been working on 'Heaven' for 4 odd years. Curious. I decided to browse over to the contacts section and send out an email to see if they will tell me more about the game itself.

Another curiosity, via some handy google work turned up a page saying that Heaven the game would be released in mid 2005 so the mystery deepens. Update if I ever get a response.

In the meantime CHECK OUT the 'Pearl Gate' it's like a globular Stargate.


I also found the choice of outfit for this "The Saint" character rather intriguing. Check out the Belt Buckle inscribed with the Alpha and Omega symbols. Apparently they like the greek alphabet in heaven.

Bonus for the muslims, technically everything but her hands and face (ignore the cleavage) are covered up. The way she backflips I have a hard time believing that she's a virgin though.