Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Seven Day Jane

Well I thought that I would comment on 90 day Jane, the short-lived (har har) internet phenomenon that I stumbled across.

You can check out her 'attempt' here or just google it and see what you find. Rest assured I use the word 'attempt' with the utmost condescension. It's amazing me to me how quickly the responses have popped up around the intarweb.

For example thefriendly atheist immediately launched into an op-ed piece about her intentions and potential sincerity. I too immediately thought it strange that an atheist would commit suicide out of despair or helplessness but each brain is a unique bunch of grapes and we all have our differences.

Personally I have tried to think of a situation that would merit suicide. The only one I have been able to come up with is the 'I am literally on fire and holding a pistol' and its infinite variations. There are a host of other possible reasons to 'give one's life' perhaps in defense of a loved one, to stop a disaster or to take some great risk. But taking one's life due to existential woes just reeks to me.

If you're unhappy with the world then you basically have two choices:

1) Suck it up.
2) Suck a weiner (at least that'll add to someone's happiness before you give your last hurrah)

Granted people that are terribly suffering have every right to want to leave this world. In that situation I am sure my opinion would be different. Actually I'd be really pissed off because I know a little bit about how pain works and terminating the signals/chemicals would be much easier than dying. We'll get there at some point.

Now consider this picture.

I ganked this from Jane's first post. Look at this shit. It's FUCKING BLUE for fuck's sake. How obvious. Oh and look at those fucking lines. Unless that person is planning to totally sever their hands from the wrist (and that would be fucking horrible) this is a terrible method of suicide. Everyone knows you go down the street, not across the road.

Fucking amateurs.

Now before I digress too far into the realm of ways to ensure your own demise I want to say the 'I am going to kill myself, or I did already' thing has been death.

Consider a few examples.

Anyone else remember 'countdown to oblivion?' Or when stile faked his own death? More recently Lonelygirl15 made a bit of a stir but she was fictitiously killed off, not suicided.

All this ironically makes me nostalgic for one of the first internet documents that I ever came across. It was a simple text file much in the vein of the early anarchist's cookbook kind of stuff. I can't remember the title exactly but part of it featured one of the most vile things I have ever heard.

We'll call it the X document since I can't recall the title (fun things to do if you're a sociopath is what i might name it myself)

Anyway the primer is all about meeting someone who is lonely, isolated and not thrilled to be a part of this world for long. The idea was to snag this person, and even in the early nineties I could think of a few people that I went to school with who might have matched the description.

Basically you start out by being nice, offering friendship to a lost soul and making them feel welcome into your world. You mold your actions and reactions to suit this person, all the while learning more and more about them and how to control them. Finally you yourself are flung into tragedy and convince the person to commit suicide with you. However, as we find out at the end, you do something fucked up like wait until the other person jumps and scream 'sucker' as they plummet to certain death.

Ah, the good ol' days.

A good story will really stick with you no matter what format it comes in. I wish I had time for more but its lunch break for me. More later on today.

No comments: