Ignoble gases...

Friends and dear readers, I am livid.

There are a lot of minor annoyances suffered in life with a wince and a shrug but very few demand concerted force and will.

For the past few months I have been toying around with Helium.com. So far I have written something like 27 articles concerning myriad topics ranging from video game violence to novel writing. After posting one during my lunch break about the 'power of prayer' I noticed that you can donate the proceeds of a certain article can be donated to one of a list of possible sources. One such 'Charity' listed was none other than the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Listed below is my challenge to Helium staff to justify this egregious choice.

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"PETA is a possible source for donation. PETA is not a charity by any stretch of the imagination. At best they are an activist group at worst they are domestic terrorists. Why on Earth would Helium support such a group?

The whole idea behind Helium is to gather and accumulate knowledge (and revenue of course) and, I would guess, to promote the pursuit and understanding of that knowledge. PETA is not a knowledge friendly organization. They are a criminally overbearing and fascistic group laced with vile rhetoric and bedecked with pure hypocrisy.

If PETA remains on the donation list beyond noon on January 12th, 2008 I will withdraw myself from this site and condemn Helium as conspirators of a malicious political agenda.

There will be no reconciliation nor negotiation on this point."

(thisrepresentshowmuchifuckinghatepetainasteriskform)
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Ironically enough if PETA weren't such weird violent fucktards then I would agree with a lot of their stances.

I don't believe in needless suffering of animals.
I am opposed to something like seal fur because its disgusting and decadent.
I disapprove of pointless animal captivity or any type of cruelty that does not benefit humanity.

Meat is the petroleum of the food world. It's not the best thing in the world for us but it's energy rich and people demand copious quantities. Most animals have to be killed before eaten and I do not consider that cruelty. It is necessity. PETA's army of fur-hating vegans and I are only radically different on a single point.

I would never step on the gonads of personal liberty to oppose something as frivolous and inconsequential as animal fucking rights.

Wake the fuck up, PETA. If you're so concerned about animals concern yourself briefly with the important ones: people.

I don't believe for a second that concern for animals extends uniformly. If that were true than fur and meat and bovine insulin wouldn't be prime targets. Exterminators would be hated by PETA.

That's right the Orkin man would be public enemy #1. I'm sure people have done more scathing and thorough jobs poking holes in the PETA beehive so I'll save my scorn for another day. Penn and Teller, proud and wonderful men that they are, have already taken a much harder swing than I will ever be able to. And you notice they strike not with stones or swords or bombs...but with truth!

Truth and Mockery go together like fertilizer and diesel fuel. (In a good way.)

However my disdain will smolder until the deadline. Helium is free to act as they will but should this bullshit continue then I will go fucking APE.

Literally I will petition the scientific community to consider me a rare form of chimp masquerading as homo sapiens sapiens and PETA won't be able to touch me even if I literally pound feces into their corrupt and gaping faces.

I wait and bristle with anticipation. Your move PETA.

Your move.